Am I too controlling over money?

Dinah93

You've tried and tried, and no longer have any respect and quite possibly love for this man. The ship has sailed, get off before it starts to sink.

I think that's a very good idea of his. Take his redundancy money, pay off the credit card in FULL, and cancel it. Its in your name, you don't want to be saddled with his debt. From the way you're talking I think you know you're not sticking around much longer, you just need the shove to actually leave, well you might as well leave in the best financial position you can.

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

Well, I didn’t say anything like that because I don’t want to spend any time with him.

Really, he is just got a skewed view of things.

He mentioned Saturday night - well, I went out with DD2 to the musical. He would not have wanted to go to that. I have spent so many years not doing stuff because he wont, so now I am just going to do them. When I used to invite him, he would come and then moan and sneer, and totally ruin it for me.

Sunday was my Mums birthday, so we popped over to see her. I invited OH, but he said he couldn’t as he had a friend coming over – who didn’t then show up.

Monday was a horrendous day when we were both at home avoiding each other. That was the day I mad a pass, and was rejected – his choice. Went out Monday evening, and he was a complete downer.

Anyway, if he was fed up with being alone, why didn’t he seek us out in the back room? Door was open. I feel that he always wants folk to run around after him, and make him feel important.

As for the bill – I have a funny feeling he will say I should pay it out of his redundancy money. If that is the case, then I shall. He can take it and squander it for all I care. I will provide for the kids and myself. As the song goes “I’ll sail this ship alone”.

I have tried and tried with this. Honestly.

This says it all. It is a horrible feeling when you realise that you don't want the company of the OH anymore. If you are still hesisant over calling it a day with the relationship - why not plan a short vacation by yourself, without OH and DDs. It doesn't have to be anywhere far away or fancy. Just a place where you can have space to clear your head and figure out what you want for the future, away from the daily stresses of your life.

I really don't think he is fed up with being alone. He is probably getting miffed that you are getting on with thiings and enjoying time without him. He sees you having fun with the girls, going to a show, going to work and seeing friends. I think he is in a major rut and wants everyone to pull him out instead of doing it for himself.


As for the cc bill - let HIM pay it out of the redundany money. Just give him a copy of the bill and state 'this bill needs paid by x date' and leave it. Let him take the responsibility on himself. If he asks you to pay it just say, 'sorry, I am a bit busy, please can you pay it'. He doesn't work therefore has the time to sort it out himself.

julliff

Hi all

Today is a different type of day.

Came home from work and no sign of OH. I think he had an appointment at JC.

Now Iam getting realy anxious. Kids keep asking me where he is. I dont know what to tell them He almost never goes out, and under "normal" circustances, if he does, he would tell me.

My imagination is running riot - is he going to come in later drunk as a skunk - likely, and that worries me.
Has he taken off? Has he topped himself?

I wish I could stop the conflicting feelings - one minte I want him to be gone, the next minute I am feeling gutted at my failed marriage.

What a complete mess.


thanks for all of your support - I really appreciate it.:A

MrsAnnie

A appt at the JC is promising. Did he set it up?

Don't get too worried it is probably nothing to his absence. Just hang in there and keep yourself busy in the meantime.

Just tell the children the truth. That you don't know where he is and that they can ask him when he gets home.

julliff

Well

It's a done deal now.

We have told the kids we are splitting up - neither of them are talking to me now. I feel s sorry for them.


OH said he sees me in a different light - I am a C*nt! I lost my temper a bit and said - It's always about you, and I dont even care anymore.

He went to the JC to haveit out with them for treating him so bad (hasnt had any money yet)- he got thrown out and struck off.

julliff

Can anyone please tell me how to help my kids.

ShouldI just give them space?

nearlyrich

Sounds like he is a right charmer, he won't get JSA if he has received a payment in lieu of notice. I can't help with the children my two were 16 months and not quite here when I got wise to my ex. Just want to wish you all the best.

julliff

He was made redundant 3 months ago. He was supposed to get some money, but ut didn't show up in the bank account, so he went down there to "rare up on them."

There is no point talking to him, he is such an angry, hostile man. I feel quite nervous in the house with him. His verbal attacks are so nasty, but when I speak out, he just ups the ante.

msb5262

Hi Juliff,
This is a really hard time for you (been there, done that) but you had no other choice. The children will come to understand what happened in time, and at the moment they do need space - but you need to be as calm and as loving as you can towards them, although you may feel very angry with their response to this news. Please remember that you tried every possible way to avoid this, but it had to be this way - stay strong and things will start to feel better before long.
All the best
MsB

Dinah93

I know this is an awful time for you, but you've worked really hard at this, and you have done what is best for your family. Give the girls some space tonight, and then tomorrow try to talk to them seperately and explain why you've come to the decision, leave them in no doubt you both still love them, but for mummy and daddy to be happy they need to be apart.