Am I too controlling over money?

diable

I know its silly, petty and childish but just hide the KB and mouse.

BallandChain

I think if Julliff did that she would be fearful her husband may hit her.

Dinah93

Juliff if he is any way violent get out, don't ever give him another chance. As previously mentioned my ex who was very similar to your husband financially turned from physically intimidating (pushing me about, locking me in rooms etc) to downright violent when I finally got up the courage to leave and I was terrified. Police were called, they refered me to a domestic violence santuary etc. The law doesn't really seem to support the abused unfortunately (he was let back home to where I was living the same day!), but your well being is worth more than being in that house. You've never said he is violent, but if he is, please, please, just get out.

PM me anytime if you need to talk.

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

Thanks all

I'n having a really bad day today - on the edge of tears. Things are so distant between us.

He is waiting for his friend to come round - sitting in his room (aka the dining room which he has taken over). Kids at Grandmas house,and me doing jobs in the house. I have said a couple of things to him, - smalltalk, but I just get the feeling that he wants me to leave him alone.

He is still buying on ebay. Thinking on it, the reason I am scared to talk to him, is because he makes me feel like everything is my fault. I keep thinking if I'd done this or that, then we would not have got to this point. (Other post goes into more detail, but it is a bit personal).

It is a mess

:hello: Hi Julliff, Hope today is a better day for you.

Please don't let him think this is your fault- because it is not. Sounds like no matter what you do he will act and react as he pleases. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

When he starts to ignore you or talk down to you go for a walk, go to a friends house, go to the shop, anything that will take you out of the negative environment.

Maybe you should go and talk your GP if you are really feeling very down and helpless - before all this starts to affect you physical wellbeing.

julliff

Hi All

Firstly, I would like to saythat OH is not violent, and never has been. It is more the atmosphere he creates, and the way that everything is my fault.

Things are about 1000 times worse today. I dont think there is any point to any of this.

Today, I thought - OK, if I am trying to make a go of this, I have got to let go of the resentments and try to build some bridges (I am off work today).

So, I made a pass at OH , and was completely rejected. So, he doesn't even like me anyway. totally humiliated.

I mentioned in my previous thread that OH says all the problems come with the lack of physical side. Now, there have been difficulties, but doesn't it take two to tango? He doesn't make me feel very wanted or valued.

Feeling so hopeless.

Part of me wants him to go (not that he will), but I feel such a failure - and that I am letting my kids down,

I just dont know what to do.

Dinah93

Hon, not to be harsh but I think you're letting your kids down more by staying and saying its okay to be treated like this, your daughter is at a very impressionable age, and shes seeing the life sucked out of her mother. Don't wait for August, use some of your savings you've got from not using your spends to go see a solicitor, and maybe rent a place you can move to in the short term while the marital house is decided upon. Life is too short to feel like this every day.

julliff

Thanks for your support.

It is so difficult and hearbreaking - DD2 is sooo excited about the holiday - she keeps making up presentations on her computer to show us - things to do on holiday etc. We have been taking this type of holiday for many years, so it has a level of ecpectation - a bit like Christmas.

DD1 will just hate me, as she is such a daddys girl.

I am scared I will lose everything and everyone.

I just keep thinking I am a bad person, and a rubbish wife and mother. I didnt mean to make so many mistakes - I think I was trying way too hard.

Caroline73_2

Your DD1 won't hate you. Let her live with her father caring for her 24/7 and she'll soon see what is going on. I agree with Dinah and think moving out my help.

Dinah93

Everyone has this fear hon, but what are you going to do, wait until your kids move our for your life to start? In the short term, yes it will be rough, but as your girls get older they will understand why you did it. They're only children, there is a limited amount they can realistically understand at this age.

glossgal

OP, I know you had good intentions but making a pass is not going to help the situation one bit-your husband sounds very passive-agressive if you don't mind me saying so may have rejected you just for the opportunity to be hostile and again make you question yourself. Also lack of physical contact is usually a symptom of an already exisiting problem not the real problem itself.

As for your children, well i don't have any so can't comment on the sense of devotion and guilt you may have about breaking up the family but I have been a teenager in a very tense and unhappy household and feel it has fundamentally changed my personality and outlook on life. When my parents finally split in my late teens I kind of resented my mother for staying for my sake and wish she'd left many years earlier, not just for me but for her own peace of mind as she never found a happy relationship again. It's a terrible cliche but you do only have one life, I would suggest couple therapy, give him some time to think about it and give him a deadline-after this I think you should seriously look at a move to dissolve the relationship.