A new start for Mooloo

Molly41

There were electricity men working on it all day today as i have been twice to the doctors. So they are starting work on it now!

Keeping_Motivated

Mooloo if people are working on it now then I would chance driving over and saying that it is yours so you are just nipping in to measure rooms etc that way you can start making plans and organising.

Savvy_sewing

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Mooloo if people are working on it now then I would chance driving over and saying that it is yours so you are just nipping in to measure rooms etc that way you can start making plans and organising.

I have had a letter to tell me I am not allowed to visit the site at the moment, for Health and Safety reasons. That the people on site have been instructed to not let anyone on site. So for a while I will just have to wait. But at least Molly said they are working on it.
I believe that the Council properties around have been having new kitchens and they take them about 3 days to do. So maybe we will be able to see it in a week or two? Lets hope.

I have had a total shock today.
I was talking with DS, and he is so against the boys going up for adoption and he thinks that we should try as a family to still keep them. That HE is willing to even sleep in a caravan in the garden and give up his room to have them live with us. That he would even share his home no matter how small with them and thier Mum and even her BF if it means stopping them from going up for adoption.
He was really quite adamnant and said that he would go and stand up in the courts and tell them that too.


So I am reeling from the shock of that one.
He agrees that I couldnt have them on my own, but said that we could try and put a support plan in place for the boys being with Mum and her BF, and also put in a plan that they could stay with us, and we could organise Nursery and cleaners etc to help.

The problem is that it sounds ideal, but of course who will have to have the ultimate job of sorting it all out, supervising and being around 24/7 --me.

Can I live with her again? Can i live in some over crowded conditions> Should I take on the council house, or stay in private hirings/ and try ?
What am I thinking? I am really confused.

If I could ask God for a Miracle, I think I would ask him now.
My Mum said that if she won the lottery they would buy me a big house, with annexes, and hire two nannies to help me!

If we had money in the first place I would probably have put in a Nanny in the very beginning!.

Oh heck!

Errata

Mooloo - he is to be admired, but he's thinking with his heart not his head, but bless him for trying.
Not to put too fine a point on it, he struggles to look after himself, doesn't look after you very much, rarely looks after DGD, didn't go to see the boys with you when he was on holiday from college AFAIR.
But ......... his response is entirely understandable for a lad of his age. You could try testing his goodwill out by telling him he has to do two hours every evening sorting out and packing up things in the cottage and shed, giving everything a thorough clean ready for LL's inspection etc.
He may be happy to sleep in a caravan in the garden but who buys the caravan? Who moves it into the back garden of the new house, and of course this is immaterial as the HA won't allow it.
Working up some kind of support plan for the boys mum would give him a task and perhaps doing it would show him exactly how much support would be needed and who would provide it.
Having said all that, I do think it's very kind of him to want to try and do something.

gizmo111

Hi,

Its commendable that DS feels so strongly about the boys, however his suggestions are not going to be an option. The court will not agree, and doubtful twin2's solicitor would advise her to put it forward, to a plan where there is not an identified responsible main carer to meet the needs of the children. If you think that twin2 cannot even cope with a routine of getting the boys to nursery and basic cleaning then permenancy apart from her will be the only option.
What are the grandparents who have come forward like? How viable is that option?

clairehi

Mooloo wrote: »

I was talking with DS, and he is so against the boys going up for adoption and he thinks that we should try as a family to still keep them. That HE is willing to even sleep in a caravan in the garden and give up his room to have them live with us. That he would even share his home no matter how small with them and thier Mum and even her BF if it means stopping them from going up for adoption.
He was really quite adamnant and said that he would go and stand up in the courts and tell them that too.


So I am reeling from the shock of that one.
He agrees that I couldnt have them on my own, but said that we could try and put a support plan in place for the boys being with Mum and her BF, and also put in a plan that they could stay with us, and we could organise Nursery and cleaners etc to help.

The problem is that it sounds ideal, but of course who will have to have the ultimate job of sorting it all out, supervising and being around 24/7 --me.

Can I live with her again? Can i live in some over crowded conditions> Should I take on the council house, or stay in private hirings/ and try ?
What am I thinking? I am really confused.

Mooloo, your DS sounds like a lovely lad. this must be so hard for him too. poor kid, he is going through all the emotional upheaval of this and he is only a teenager himself.

please do keep talking to him about the situation and let him know that you are taking his point of view on board and that you are proud of him for being so mature. even if his ideas are not going to happen, I think it is really important for him to know that you are listening to him. for a teenage boy to open up and come out with all of this - wow.

it is so hard to connect with young lads sometimes if you know what I mean? if you can keep that connection open then there is more chance I think that he will talk to you about his own life and the things that really are within his control to change for the better. by that I mean the best thing that DS can do for himself and for the family as a whole is to keep going to college and get his qualifications. that is what is going to help you all most in the long run by giving him the chance to get a decent job and become independent/or contribute to your household.

ps personally if it was me, i would tread with extreme caution in explaining why his plan would not work out - perhaps draw on what Gizmo has said that the social workers would not agree/overcrowding etc. i would steer away from suggesting it would not work because you couldnt rely on him to do enough to help out - it may be true but would seem lke you dont have faith in him. it shouldnt be a responsibility that falls on his shoulders anyway IME as he is still a child himself.

minimoneysaver

Maybe this is a good time to sit down with your son and talk to him about responsibility. It all links in with the fact that he needs a good education to enable him to get a good job and provide for himself and a family or even his existing family. I appreciate that you can't teach someone to be ambitious, but sometimes the cold truth can turn on the lightbulb.

Savvy_Sue

Bless his little (or probably large!) cotton socks! But it won't work, will it? He's not going to want to stay at home until the baby is at secondary school, even if that was going to be long enough. But give him HUGE credit for the way he feels.

He is making an emotional response, but encourage him to make the most of the contact he can have now, and to write something for their memory book if they are adopted.

Savvy_sewing

Unfortunately Ds has not been allowed contact with the boys. The only ones on our side of the family has been Mum, Myself and DGD. (becuase they knwe that DGS and DGD had grown up together, and didnt want to loose the connections etc.

I have had a terrible night trying to work out what to do.
I did wonder whether I should just put my name forward and let the system reject me! Then the decision is out of my hands.

I think that I could insist on a support plan for Twin2 that I could make work, if she is so willing to have the boys back. Lets face it on Friday she did ask me if she could come home.
No the new house would be too small for everyone. The contracts mean that you cannot change social housing for another one for at least 12 months.
So we would not be able to move again.

I have spent a restless night, trying to work out what would and wouldnt work. How we would stumble. How much would be left to me, and all of the other things so that we can discuss it with DS, and twin2 etc and still let them know that I have tried my best before just saying no.

The other grandparents are so far deemed not suitable, long list of things, from their bringing up of the natural father of dGS1, etc etc.
I must get a copy of the reports from TWin2 and study them better. But I really only have a few days left.

Biggest of Mooloo is due back from America today. Dont know when exactly. She never thought to tell me that one. But Fingers crossed.

Oh and the funding is in for my carers hours. !! So thats good news.

gizmo111

Where are you getting the final few days from Mooloo? The final hearing is months away, I've had relatives come forward literally at the 11th hour and had to re timetable court proceedings.
You need to concentrate on getting some quality contact with the boys for the family supervised by you, DS can see them then.