A new start for Mooloo

minimoneysaver

Fantastic post Gizmo! x

Savvy_Sue

If I could explain twin tracking in layman's terms? Which I think gizmo skipped over a bit.

As you (all) realise, the process of adoption isn't a trivial one, and it takes a long time.

So twin tracking is where plans for adoption are allowed to move forward, in terms of doing all the checks and investigations, but it's not certain that adoption is going to be the final outcome.

However once it IS decided that adoption is the best thing for the child(ren), the plans for adoption are well in hand, so it doesn't THEN take forever and a day for it to happen. It should, I believe, increase the chances of children moving from one foster family to the adoptive family, rather than possibly having to move from one foster family to another before being able to move to the adoptive family.

What I would say about twin tracking is that those involved need to keep making (loud) noises about the possibility of the child remaining with or returning to the birth family, and especially in this case about the support which could and SHOULD be given to allow this to happen, otherwise it can easily become a one way street with no turnings.

But I'd also say in this case that Mum needs to stay very focused on what she needs to do in order to be a 'good enough' parent. It's great that her current boyfriend is so supportive, BUT there must be a worry that faced with the demands of two boys who aren't his own that he might struggle in the long term. And that's why Mum needs and would continue to need practical support. However providing that support ought to save the taxpayer money in the longer term!

Kimitatsu

Morning Mooloo

Hope you got some sleep last night and that the extra hour you managed to have in bed!

Sending hugs xxx

Savvy_sewing

Kimitatsu wrote: »

Morning Mooloo

Hope you got some sleep last night and that the extra hour you managed to have in bed!

Sending hugs xxx

Morning all,
I had less sleep then I would have liked. but as my BF came over and we shared a bottle of wine, and watched the TV once DGD was in bed, I am not complaining.
DGD woke at her normal 6ish time. So it was 5ish. BF was brilliant and got up and went into her, told her to go back to sleep, gave her her dummy and would not give in to her demands for Granny to do itall.
He is now having lie in and I got up with her later. Around 7am.
I have washed up our dishes and put the meat on to cook for later.
DGD is happily watching some TV, no longer Cbbies. Shes taken a fancy for other things like peppa pig and noddy. So it makes a change.


RE the boys.
I did talk to BF a little about it.
He said that it was not his decisions, or his family, so he didnt know what to advise. But I really knew when I was talking to him that I was not the person to do it. Even though my heart wants me to.
AS everyone has said, I have already tried.
Living with twin2 would be a disaster, and not the right enviroment for the boys,.

If the SS would let her and her BF have a go at parenting, I would be happier to support, nudge, remind if necessary, and still support her, but its out of my hands.

I have told my ex husband, the other granddad, what is goingon, dispite him not seeming to be bothered, and told hiim that the courts are asking for anyone in the wider family to come forward now, so I had to tell him, and let him and his wife make thier own decisions.
I will also tell Biggest when she returns from America. Not becuase I expect or even think they should, but becuase it is not my decision to keep this information from them.

I will have to just live with a heavy heart, and do my best to keep the door open if they ever want to know why etc etc etc.
At least I am good at putting how I feel into words so I can probably write them a whole book about life, and I will get my father to give us a copy of the family history to be kept somewhere safe for them to access when they are older.
I can give a draft of the medical history of our side, but I worry about the history of the two different fathers.
Alas the poor boys have not come from very straightforward unions, or even what I would call a "normal" family back ground.!

Today BF is with us for a few more hours, then it will be DGD and myself for a while. This evening I will collect DS, and he can be here for Monday, before college again on Tuesday.
I will talk to him when I can, and try and communicate the best I can.
Perhaps we can think about what he wants in his room etc at the new house, and how we can make it work as a place for him and his mates to hang out in as well.

(If I ever have enough money saved, I will try to get him a "hang out" in the garden.). But I will have to work on that.

Right, I better get on now. Yesterday BF helped me to clear out a lot of the rubbish that was lurking in DS's room, and resulting in that I have a pile of washing! And a boot full of stuff for the charity shop, and some in his car for the tip.
He has been a greater strength of late.

Thanks everyone for the hugs, it does mean a lot. Writing here helps me to deal with things and not end up going around in circles so much, and get on.

The guilt will last with me for many a year no doubt, but if the powers that be believe that twin2 and her BF cannnot have the boys, then really I would rather they were adopted together by a loving family, rather then the father of DGS1, who only really want him, and offered to have "the other one", my poor poor grandson, to be referred to like that. They are not on the same planet.
When their son was young they canned him.
They chucked him out of thier house as a teenager becuase he "had smelly feet" is documented. The solicitor read extracts of the reports to twin2 and me.
They say that they didn't even know that their son was still on drugs, or binge drinking, but were talking about letting him move home to care for the children while they were out at work.?

I am sure that If I was to read copies of all of these reports my hair would stand on end! God knows what they will have on report about me!!!

On that note, I really am off.!:o

gizmo111

SavvySue is correct re the twin tracking.
The court will also look at the five outcomes for children and how these will be acheived if they were with their mum.
The outcomes are
Staying Safe
Enjoying Economic Well Being
Be Healthy
Make a positive contribution
Enjoy and Acheive

It would be a good idea for you to have a think about what support twin2 would need say now, when the boys start school, when they reach age 11 and say 14. You have to think now you are in a court battle and her solicitor needs to start preparing a defence if she's to get the boys back.
Ultimately the court will put the highest weighting on the pyscologist and the guardian, so what the guardian is thinking is really the most important thing.

Molly41

Mooloo wrote: »

I am sure that If I was to read copies of all of these reports my hair would stand on end! God knows what they will have on report about me!!!

On that note, I really am off.!:o

What they would read about you is that you are a kind and caring mother and grandmother who is generous with her time, energy, compassion and money. Who puts others before herself all the time. A remarkable woman, battling the odds, with minimal support. A loving granny to her her grandsons and the carer of DGD who is the living proof that you are doing a really good job in very difficult circumstances.

Remember that you have had your life vetted and had lots of investigations and references in order to care for DGD. You had an unanimous verdict at panel and the only concern was for your health. Please stop putting yourself down my friend x

Kimitatsu

Molly - spot on :T:T:T

Mooloo - please try not to feel guilty, you have done everything for these babies and now it is time for their parents to shoulder some of the repsonsibility involved.

You can do no more however much you would like to, apart from be there if they want to contact you. Leaving the door open and using the letterbox scheme is best for you and them.

Pleased that you got some rest and that you have some support this weekend, sometimes just having someone to give you a cuddle is the best thing, even if they cant offer practical help.

gizmo111

If the SS would let her and her BF have a go at parenting, I would be happier to support, nudge, remind if necessary, and still support her, but its out of my hands.

The problem with this is that it still a relatively new relationship and would be relying on it lasting if they are successful as parents together. Twin2 has to be assessed on her capacity to parent safely by herself, else a break up would bring you right back to where we are now and would be terrible for the boys.

I have told my ex husband, the other granddad, what is goingon, dispite him not seeming to be bothered, and told hiim that the courts are asking for anyone in the wider family to come forward now, so I had to tell him, and let him and his wife make thier own decisions.
I will also tell Biggest when she returns from America. Not becuase I expect or even think they should, but becuase it is not my decision to keep this information from them.

You are right to tell them and let them make their own decisions.

Savvy_sewing

gizmo111 wrote: »

SavvySue is correct re the twin tracking.
The court will also look at the five outcomes for children and how these will be acheived if they were with their mum.
The outcomes are
Staying Safe
Enjoying Economic Well Being
Be Healthy
Make a positive contribution
Enjoy and Acheive

It would be a good idea for you to have a think about what support twin2 would need say now, when the boys start school, when they reach age 11 and say 14. You have to think now you are in a court battle and her solicitor needs to start preparing a defence if she's to get the boys back.
Ultimately the court will put the highest weighting on the pyscologist and the guardian, so what the guardian is thinking is really the most important thing.

Well I am not sure who the guardian actually is, as I had been left out of proceedings as I am only granny.
I will see what we can think about on these lines, and see if we can drawer a plan up? It all seems so difficult to me, as I am not trained to do these things, and a guardian will be appointed by who? SS or the court? What trianing will they have?
Oh It just doesnt bare thinking about today. I am too tired.

queen_vi

What they would read about you is that you are a kind and caring mother and grandmother who is generous with her time, energy, compassion and money. Who puts others before herself all the time. A remarkable woman, battling the odds, with minimal support. A loving granny to her her grandsons and the carer of DGD who is the living proof that you are doing a really good job in very difficult circumstances.

Molly is right just take a look at your DGD she a credit to you