A new start for Mooloo

Molly41

You be careful - dont be doing yourself an injury:eek:

Oh my kids do exactly the same - make for my recliner! My eldest son even comes downstairs at night and sits i it watching TV when he has a better TV in his bedroom. I love my recliner as its just so comfy and like you I can adjust it to my needs x

Dont overdo it missus - you gotta look after yourself - but I agree its hugely satisfying x

Savvy_sewing

I have done doing the housework for today.
Now its my time. A bit of Saturday kitchen stuff, and a sit in my chair.
Lots of traffic going passed? Coaches, horse boxes and lost bikes!
I have been for my shower, and i am now exhausted!. But at least I am clean. My hair will have to dry naturally.
Wonder if there would be enough peace for me to nod in the chair rather then climb the stairs. (There is housework to do up there, and I dont want to look at it!)
Weather i threatening again. So I may have to keep an eye on the line! mmm
Now if it was warmer and sunnier I might have taken my book into the garden for a bit, but maybe the sun will come back later!.

Molly41

have a snooze in your chair xx

Savvy_sewing

Think I may just heat up some soup for lunch and then I will snooze. Suddenly feel quite ravenous. Thank god for the stool in the kitchen!.

gizmo111

You cannot claim benefits for a child looked after by the local authority. DGD is a looked after child but has not been subject to care proceedings as her mother has agreed on a voluntary basis, Mooloo's status as a foster carer is no different in either case. You cannot claim child benefit, you can however as a foster carer claim working tax credits but not child tax credit - you work over 30 hours per week and are not fee paid. You do not have to do anything about being self-employed, just tell tax credits your situation, but I guess this would have a negative effect on your ESA.
Special Guardianship is different, its messy and there is no guarantee that allowances will last until age 18. Also a young child would not get the benefit of Leaving Care Support post 16.
Scotland is a whole different ball game with different orders etc.
See the solciitor on Monday and see what she recommends next, don't fill any forms for SS, let them put into writing what they plan to do. What have they actually informed twin1 as to their plans for this child? She has to have the opportunity to contest their plans and has a right to be heard. They can't just decide at a LAC Review that they are having a child adopted if you don't comply with their latest ill thought out, highly irregular and probably illegal plan.

gizmo111

The boys meeting flew by. The SW met us afterwards to tell us that the boys protection plan review is at the same time as next weeks contact! Theres planning for you. Then the boys are away for a weeks holiday. So we have been advised to write appologies to the review and tell them that seeing the boys was more important, as she will not see them for nearly two weeks otherwise.
As what is to be decided will be decided by the professionals at the meeting and the parents cant really do much about it. !
I have also told twin2 to go back to her solicitor. They are seeing the solicitor tomorrow.

This does sound like the 3 month LAC Review. Twin2 has a right to be there and they will have to rearrange contact. They cannot exclude her and she has a right to contact and they have to promote contact. Insist they rearrange one or the other so she can attend both, if they refuse get her solicitor to immediately send a letter objecting to their plans.
LAC Reviews are not really places where decsions aremade when there are court proceedings ongoing, but they do make recommendations that are expected to be followed through if compatible with the court and guardiand thinking.
Have you met the guardian yet for the boys?

Savvy_sewing

gizmo111 wrote: »

This does sound like the 3 month LAC Review. Twin2 has a right to be there and they will have to rearrange contact. They cannot exclude her and she has a right to contact and they have to promote contact. Insist they rearrange one or the other so she can attend both, if they refuse get her solicitor to immediately send a letter objecting to their plans.
LAC Reviews are not really places where decsions aremade when there are court proceedings ongoing, but they do make recommendations that are expected to be followed through if compatible with the court and guardiand thinking.
Have you met the guardian yet for the boys?

No we havent met anyone but the current fostercarers on the handover at contact. Thats not the same.

I will call the senior social worker on Monday morning. I havent heard from twin2 since Thursday night so I dont know what happened yesterday in court.
Think i will try and call her now. Before I have my sleep.!:D

Savvy_sewing

Right, just talked to twin 2.
The meeting after our visit to the boys, was the LAC Review. The chairman insisted that the SS must get the various assesment done on her, etc.
They have 6 months till the next review.
The meeting that she is compromised on visiting is the Child Protection Plan.
Now I have the paperwork for the last one, and dispite the boys being in the foster home, this plan was still ongoing? Which is what we find strange.
I presume there would be no need to continue with this plan?
Yesterday in court, the father of DGS2 was there. He is now demanding a DNA test on the baby. If he is not the father then the courts are saying that her new partner may be able to adopt? DGS2 if they are assessed as a couple and are able to get the boy(s) back.
The other paternal grandmother of DGS1 was actually at court yesterday, and she took Twin2 to one side and said that "they will not split the boys up, and will go for custody of them?" which is scarey, as we know that the words of the father was "it" when he talked about DGS2, and I fear he would not be treated equally by the man at all. If in deed he/they were able to go for custody.
This is the first time the woman has come to any proceedings. She would not deal with SS before. Although I do believe that they are now seeing DGS1 once a month, (or at least they are invited to the contact centre). I never asked if she was attending or not. I suppose I have been too busy dealing with my side of things and at one time when Twin2 had said it was my fault and not talking to me, I stopped attending things.
I told her she should ring her solicitor and discuss the fact that they do compromise her visiting times as this is not the first time she has had to miss contact.

Right, I am going to have to go up to bed to sleep. Its far too noisy down here, and the extra traffic is too close to my windows.!

Savvy_sewing

Well I never did get my sleep. Twin1 rang me to be collected early as she was unwell. (Upside is I got a lie in this morning, as I didnt have to take her at 6am). I had a meeting with EXBF in the evening, to actually talk face to face. But we arent getting/going anywhere. There were long silences, and I found it difficult to find the words I wanted to say some of the time.
I was shocked at some of the things that he had to say. Parts of his points of view. I found quite hard to swallow.
One of the things that I was surprised at, was not the care problems relating to DGD but the opinions on having to possibly care for me, and her, when that should be my families place! That he has seen me go down hill rapidly in the last 3 years and that he would have to consider whether he could do that!.
That hurt me to the core. I suppose like anyone else on here who are unwell, we don't notice the slow or rapid decline, we just notice we have declined, but if we were to look gloomily at the future, we would all probably be suicidal!.
I have a lot to think about, He has a lot to still think about, and currently I do not think that its looking favourable for us. He is happy to take things slowly and see if they develop, but there is too many problems with my still running around after my family, and he doesnt like the fact that this is aiding my decline. That my family should be doing for me, and not the otherway around. That TWin1 should be fighting the system to keep her daughter, and not giving her to me on a plate! That now my son is back home, there is not an easy way forward, and all in all, its just not looking like we are going to be able to work things out.? We are both wanting things so differently now.
He doesnt want to care for a child until he is 75! (well he is only 49 so the maths is a bit wrong there, becuase we care for our children no matter how old we are, look at my parents helping me, and i am 49! And what happens when he gets grandchildren. What will happen if his 17 year old girl comes home pregnant and cannot cope? Will he be so harsh then? Will he close his doors to her needs? he is lucky he only has one girl, I have 3.
Today, I feel steamrollered once again.
I love the man, but that is just not enough. The questions have been asked. I cannot unask them. I cannot go backwards. I can only go forwards.
If that means that we are not going to see a future together under the same roof, then I think we just answered my questions.
Can we meet somewhere in the middle? I am not sure of that. I think my family and my commitment as a mum to my family, is the biggest stumbling block that we have come across.
So to summaries.:
A) he doesnt want a child around until he is 75 ish
he doesnt want to have to care for me as i get worse, (the spondylosis)
c) he doesnt want to have to deal with my family as he blames them for my health deteriorating, and for them usuing me too my detriment.
But he wants a relationship with me? just how do we do that.?

I wanted, to share a home, share the future, I wanted to work towards us getting together under that one roof. To find a school and bring up DGD as long as it was necessary. To visit and support my family, from a distance. Still hoping that the system will find the correct care for them after the various assessments have been done. I hadnt really thought about my health deteriorating at such a speed. I suppose i thought that I would be stabilised for a while.

Today I am deflaited. Cos I really cannot see how we can come to a compromise of such magnitude. I suppose time will tell. But its not telling me today.

I have the morning free. I am not aiming to do much, as I did too much yesterday, and had a late night.
I am aiming to go and have a soak in the bathtub, and get to my aches and pains, a light lunch, then collect DGD.
This evening, if DGD has had a sleep, and is on form, we will go and watch her aunty practice her dancing at 5pm.
Waiting to hear from DS as to where he is and if he is actually coming home with us.

So thats me checking in.

shaz_mum_of__2

Oh mooloo you poor thing


The spondylosis is a degenerative disease but it isn't necessarily progressive(going to get worse) you may stay as you are for a long time although unlikely to get any better . But as you know it also means good and bad days (i have had a bad week the pain has retuned along with numbness )

Sounds to me like you had a good chat but didn't necessarily like what was said .............least he was honest, it sounds like you will save yourselves(both of you) a lot of heartache down the line if you make a clean break now , but only you know that really

Hugs

Shaz