A new start for Mooloo

gizmo111

With twin2 bus fare they can give it to her in advance - SS have a duty to pay fares for contact for parents on benefit.
They should also be paying for twin1 to get to you to see DGD as she is having contact - supervised by you not SS.
Can't understand why this lot cannot tell you the simplest of things!

queen_of_string

The bunting and the bag are gorgeous Mooloo, I'm sure they will be appreciated and that DGD will have a lovely time.

Savvy_sewing

Morning.
DGD woke me at 6.10am And I am trying to keep her occupied in the sitting room, while DS and his old mate, are asleep in the diningroom. Two matteresses on the floor. Table squashed up against the wall.! When DS had finished work, he was paid. But its nearly all gone now.! The family from hell fleeced him for more than half of his money by the sounds of it. But as soon as I picked him up, he gave me £20 for food, and £20 for petrol. Without me asking. Which is good.
He asked if his friend could come and stay for the night, so he had some company. (this lad was one of his friends at primary school, and although he is a bit daft, he is not trouble etc). it appears that the "family from hell", had stopped him from seeing his other friends. Very controlling. Its very disturbing that they seem to have taken such control over my lot. Hopefully though, my lot have finally learnt their lesson.

Re the funding from SS. Nobody had said that they can help us with funding for contact with Twin1. If they had helped her with contact when she was living in Northampton, then I may not have had to have her to stay overnight. It was becuase of the cost of me driving three times a week to see her that it was decided for her to stop here, and save me the driving. (At that time I was not getting any fostering allowance, and my £89 a week was not going very far!)

The local SS here, seem to have a policy of keeping thier mouths shut about any funding help allowed, so that they do not have to pay out. The first person to mention any funding for DGD was the fostering Social Worker, who said something to the Family team about sorting out funding for Mum to get here.

Just imagine if we had been able to have funding for this, how much easier my life would have been, and the stresses of living on a pittance and running around after the family would not have been so collosal.
I felt/was feeling that having to care for the family was putting me in the poor house. Well it did put me in the poor house. Around Christmas I was so skint!. We relied on the gifts that the SW did get for DGD, and the goodness of the people on here that helped me with little gifts of their own.

Right, I must get on. i have been up since 6.15 and still in my dressinggown. Only thing I have done is wash up.! Oh and of course sit on the computer.

Skint_Lynne

Hi Mooloo,

I don't often post, but I read your thread most days. I hope that things will indeed get better for you. I think that dealing with SS depts would be a total minefield, I don't know if a trip to CAB would be a good idea to let you know exactly what would be available in your circumstances?

I know that various people on here have given you a better understanding on that score though.

It is a difficult thing to learn how to say no to your kids. I know that other posters are telling you to say no all the time, but I am of the opinion that it is your family and you are an adult, I guess that you can make your own mind up, it is always a different story when you are emotionally involved with people, it's not always possible to say no, even when you want to, head and heart come into play here!;)

Re: the scary family, is it not possible to stand up to these people? In my experience, folk like this are bullys and often pray on people that they in their minds think will not stand up to them, that's how they operate. What if your boy turns on them? Would they not leave him alone then? I certainly would not have handed my wages over to folks like this! (unless your boy genuinely owed them money).

As always, my very best wishes to you. xx

SuziQ

Mooloo, I agree with Hester about DS. He really has been the bottom of the pile getting any attention from you or help during the last couple of disruptive period with the twins, and I am glad to see he is with you at the moment.I understand and am not criticising you- My oldest boy has complained to me that his youger autistic brother gets all the attention etc-I have to constantly check myself, as it is easy to become focused on the child with problems and let the so called 'normal' one get on with it. Your DS really has been disadvantaged by the amount of time and effort the twins and their offspring have demanded. I am glad to see you saying no more often too-you really aren't well by the sounds of things, you are still a relatively young woman and I hope things improve for you soon as noone deserves it more.

Savvy_sewing

Well the weekend is nearly over.
I am tired even though I have managed an hours rest this afternoon. I put the grandprix on tape as I was nodding off!. DGD slept for about an hour and 45mins.!
BF came yesterday lunchtime, and went just before 2pm. We had a quiet day at home. DS was here too.
DGD woke me up at 7.30am and we were downstairs keeping her amuzed until the other woke up.
Its been noisey here with all the helecopters flying over since about 6am.
The twins have finished thier shifts at the car parking, but twin2's BF is still working. I am awaiting a call to say he is finished then I will go and collect them. They dont get any money until Friday. They thougt they were getting paid today. (Typically they didnt get the arrangements worked out first!).
I have decided to offer to take them to town tomorrow, to sort out the Jobcentre, as I could also do with a few things from the pound shop! It will be cheaper all round then the bus. And no, this is not me giving in, just being a family member.

I have taken the comments onboard about DS being left behind in the attention stakes. We have talked about this before. Its something that I was aware of, but had tried to address the balance. He was helped with a moped, the insurance etc to be able to get out and about. We moved away from Oxford when he wanted to come back "home" but I agree it is difficult when some of yor children demand more attention and help then the others.

Living here in the village is awkward with limited transport. Having not asingle teenager to talk to doesnt help.

Re the famiy from hell, yes they are bullies. They are users, takers and as corrupt as you can be, narrowly walking the line with the wrong side uppermost.! I had run ins with the father 20 plus years ago, when I was running a local pubs bar. He is one of those people who is large, loud, and always causing trouble. Then he is also a skiver, and says he has a bad back, and cannot work, but is known around the town as somebody who has several allotments and sells the produce. (in those days he also was a poacher, on th lords land near by!). So it seems like father like sons and daughters!
One day they will get thier commuppance I am sure. Its got to be only a matter of time.! (If there is a god above, anyway!).

DS is kind, gullable and not as streetwise as he would like to think.
I just hope that while he is back at home, we can build on our relationship, and he can start to do what it is in life, he really, really wants to do.

Dispite my bankruptcy, (due to the Pub failing), I thought that the idea of Budgets and savings had been passed to the children, but it seems to have made them oblivious.!
While talking to twin2 again, on the phone< I have said that I think we need to talk/write out and sort out why theyare not able to put thier budgets into practise. (Minus all the problems that the messups wth Jobcentre, SS, and housing benefits.). They keep being given sheets to write one on, but doesnt seem to equate to it. The Bromford Support, do not seem to be able to get them to put things into practise. So we still need to see if we can find the trigger to getting that right. If only we could get that sorted out, 90% of the crisis problems that are hanging over me/us.

Right, its time to sort out DGD's meal, and bathroutine, then once she has gone to bed, DS is at least here to keep an eye, while I go and get the ohers.

Savvy_sewing

Well I have been up since 6am.
Taken DS to work. Washed a load of washing. Cleared up the kitchen from yesterdays meal. And DGD is playing happily with her toys. She is looking quite tired, dispite waking up of her own accord. We have Jungle Book on yet aagain!.
Breakfast was over hours ago. It feels early but its getting on quite a bit. We are to go out at 12. So we will have an early lunch before we go.
Its dull and overcast, and spotting rain, but not giving us the good rainfall that we need to clear the air, water the plants. etc. The farmer has said that he doesnt think there will be a very good harvest, as its a bit late now for the rains to sort out the crops. (Hope that doesnt mean that my rent will go up.!).
Twins and BF were pretty sunburnt and in aching all over mode. It was around 7.45 when I picked them up. so we had chips from the chippy (rare treat). Saved all of us thinking about who had what to eat etc.
DS had made himself something while keeping an eye out for DGD when i went out.
Twin1 has just telephoned to say that there had been trouble in thier little housing group while she was away and there is now a visitors ban on them. Dispite her not being there, they will not lift the ban. this will cause us problems with her ability to see DGD at her home.
The tar all with one brush system seems a bit harsh to me, but I said be logical, who usually visits, (not many since blowing out the family from hell), and that I will just have to wait in the car for her. She feels less agitated now. But it had really upset her.

DGD is tired and has just decided to go to bed for a rest. So while she is resting I better potter and do some work around the house.

SingleSue

I'm so glad I have been reading the thread...I've now brought in SEP for my eldest son!

He has just gone out and rang to say he had forgotten his keys and headphones...he expected me to run them around to him (he was not bothered about his keys, I can just hide them in the normal place)...and I said NO!

Felt good and bad to be honest, guilt that he was not happy but good that I have said no to running around after him on what is a rare morning free for me (well after I took the cats to the vet anyway).

Errata

SingleSue wrote: »

I'm so glad I have been reading the thread...I've now brought in SEP for my eldest son!

He has just gone out and rang to say he had forgotten his keys and headphones...he expected me to run them around to him (he was not bothered about his keys, I can just hide them in the normal place)...and I said NO!

Felt good and bad to be honest, guilt that he was not happy but good that I have said no to running around after him on what is a rare morning free for me (well after I took the cats to the vet anyway).

The alternartive to saying 'no' is "So what are you goinbg to do about it then?" Puts the problem firmly in the place it belongs with no need for guilt.

Savvy_Sue

Errata wrote: »

The alternartive to saying 'no' is "So what are you goinbg to do about it then?" Puts the problem firmly in the place it belongs with no need for guilt.

That can be a good one, because if you say no, then that's the end of it, but sometimes you're prepared to negotiate over something. For example, my boys know that if they want me to do something for them, they'd better 'book' me in advance rather than asking me if they can have a lift somewhere in half an hour when I'm still at work.

And having tried to 'book' me, then we can start on the negotiations. "OK, so you want a lift to cricket, and I asked you to do some gardening 2 weeks ago - how's that going? And have you washed up yet?" Strange how things happen when they want something ...

And yesterday I went to pick up a laptop from DS1, he's a bit frustrating because he knew we wanted it back by today and he's done nothing about replacing his old one. However, he would have brought it all the way home if I'd asked him to: actually he also had the option of walking to his Dad's work to drop it off, but I took pity on him and collected it, but ONLY because I had the time to do it without putting myself to huge inconvenience! And he knows it ...

I don't know how well that kind of bargaining works with Mooloo's family, but it might work for others!