A new start for Mooloo

Molly41

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) xxx

minimoneysaver

Unbelievable! Surely if this carries on, she is at risk of losing her children and being in the same position as twin 1. If the twins truly need that much support and can't cope, then why are the social workers not doing more to protect the twins and their children? From where things are at now, I can't see things improving, espcially if twin 2's bf is really as awful as you say.
What does your bf want long term? How does he see the relationship progressing, or doesn't he?
I guess what i'm thinking of... bear with me now, if he wants a weekend relationship at his place, then maybe you could be with the twins during the week in a house suitable for you all with everyone working together as a team and learning how to cope for the future. At weekends, you take yourself off to bf's house and everyone is happy... sort of. It's not idea, but if it keeps the babies with their mum's and the mum's can get their children to an age where they are a little bit more independent from their mums and it gives you a secure roof over your head, don't forget you should get all benefits paid to you and give the twins "pocket money." A more organised, formal arrangement than was in place before. The twins MUST remain responsible for their babies and you only babysit at an agreed time.
What do you think? x

minimoneysaver

Gosh, I hadn't realised how much I had just typed! x

jackieglasgow

Goodness, I don't have any advice for this latest happening Mooloo, but I just wanted to send you a big giant squishy cyber-hug.

Jackie X

tired_mum

Mooloo
dont really know what to say think you need to sort DD out as until the twins are more settled i dont think you will be able to think straight to make the right decision for you
The thing that bothers me if the SS take twin 2s babies what will happen to them as biggest cant take on 3 she needs to be told boyfriend or babies this cant be allowed to continue for all your sakes
Take care and try to take things slowly:A

bertiebots

((HUGS)) Mooloo...I really hope you can manage to relax and get some rest tonight. You might be able to think more clearly if your not ready to drop. Shame your bf has thrown your relationship into the mix (of confusion) just when you need even more help -not stress, as others have said some blokes just dont know how to deal with all this family stuff and lets be honest here... you have more than your fair share of problems and some on top. Wish there was something I could say to help but I just cant think of anything sorry. SS really need to get a grip on this situation and get the help sorted for everyone asap. Another ((HUG)) just for good measure and take care x

Savvy_Sue

minimoneysaver wrote: »

If the twins truly need that much support and can't cope, then why are the social workers not doing more to protect the twins and their children?

Absolutely. What would they have done if Mooloo had not been available to 'check up' this weekend? Mooloo, I wish you'd said you were not well enough to do so, and asked what would happen.

minimoneysaver wrote: »

I guess what i'm thinking of... bear with me now, if he wants a weekend relationship at his place, then maybe you could be with the twins during the week in a house suitable for you all with everyone working together as a team and learning how to cope for the future. At weekends, you take yourself off to bf's house and everyone is happy... sort of. It's not idea, but if it keeps the babies with their mum's and the mum's can get their children to an age where they are a little bit more independent from their mums and it gives you a secure roof over your head, don't forget you should get all benefits paid to you and give the twins "pocket money." A more organised, formal arrangement than was in place before. The twins MUST remain responsible for their babies and you only babysit at an agreed time.
What do you think? x

I think Mooloo's been there, done that, got the t-shirt and a shedload more debt, and it did not work - not for lack of Mooloo trying!

I don't think anything's changed since that last attempt, except that the older two grandchildren are older and more demanding, not less, and there's another baby. The twins do not appear to be any more capable of making rational decisions, and Mooloo's health is worse than it was.

I don't mean to be depressing, but I don't see how any solution which relies on Mooloo running herself ragged can possibly be considered viable, let alone a good one! And if she is expected to have the twins with her 5 days a week that IS what will happen.

I have heard of a scheme whereby young (teen) mums are 'fostered', and this seems to have good results for both mum and baby. But I don't know if there is anything similar for mums with learning disabilities - and again, I don't want to be depressing but the reality is that the twins have learning disabilities. And clearly they have not learned!

It's not to say that they CANNOT learn to be good mums, but so far they have not had the right kind of support to learn that. That's no reflection on Mooloo, who I think we all agree has done far more than could reasonably be expected of even the most devoted mother.

I have wondered whether Mooloo would 'cope' if she only had to worry about one of the twins, and whether that one would 'learn', but since neither of them has really had adequate support we will probably never know.

I really hate having to say all the above, and I would love to be proved wrong, but at the same time I feel I have to say it so that Mooloo feels she has some virtual backup when she says 'no, I really can't do this'.

queen_of_string

edited to add : this was my gut reaction. You're an adult, you can make choices, obviouslly. It makes me mad that it seems you are so taken advantage of by statutory services.



Oh for crying out loud, I dont know who is more abusive of you, the kids or the Social.


When the social ask you to do something they should be doing, the answer is NO, every single time NO. They get the message eventually. It is not your job to monitor twin 2, it's theirs and they are putting your relationship with trwin 2 at riak by asking you to take this on. It's just lazy problem solving by social services, they have emergency reserves and resources. It just takes a lot more effort to put them in place than doing the guilt trip on some poor relative and loading it on to them. If you feel NO is too short an answer, tell them anything. You're too ill, you are away, you ahve tickets to something. You pick :-) and keep saying NO, might take a few.


The same with yesterday, it is not for you to take them to the hospital, if the GP really wants them there he can take them himself or get them an ambulance.

Savvy_sewing

OK, so Social Services are making a door mat of me.!
Savvy Sue is right. I tried living with them all, and it didnt work.

I have talked with my parents, and with my BF (while he still is just about), and I have thought it through while talking.
Biggest of Mooloo will, of course, need help with DGD if she fosters her.
But asking me to move into Towcester itself, so that I am available to help all 3 of them is just not fair.
OK so I cannot afford to keep this cottage on, if DS doesnt come home, but that is only if I am still on the ESA.
Who says that I couldnt get a part time job, if I was not at the beck and call of the children? And indeed all the various Social Services meetings, and calls etc.
BF,is fed up of my family using me. He says he could not cope with them all turning up on our doorstep if we were together. So if we stay an item, all I have is the weekends where I escape to see him, or he comes here.
He has come here, and we have done some talking, but there is a lot that still needs to be done.

I am not in the correct frame of mind to be making any decisions at the moment.
So I am taking stock and I will be calling the Social Services on Monday and telling them a few things.
Then I am going to see about another appointment with the CAB. Look for a family lawyer. Try and get the Two different social services departments to meet with me at the same time!. Ha.

Right I am off to look for a Handbag pattern to make a bag for my Mum.
Thanks for all the Hugs, it does help. x

Jo4

Mooloo you are a fantastic Mum & Gran when you have kept everything and everyone going up until now. I really don't know how you do it but please do remember you need to look after yourself!!