A new start for Mooloo

candygirl

Aww hun, it exhausts me even reading what you have to endure on a daily basis:(I can understand you wanting to keep DGD with you, rather than have her go into care.Maybe you could try a sit in at the SS offices to make them take notice, and it's nearing election time so chivvy your MP up again for help.Social services know you are emotionally involved so think they can get away without helping you, and this enrages me:mad::mad::mad:
Only other idea I have is to contact the press about the lack of help you are getting:o:o
Take care of yourself:A

jackieglasgow

Mooloo, do you have RA? I had wondered what is wrong with you physically, but couldn't pick it up from your posts? If it is, all this stress won't be helping either. Me and my MIL both have it, and she is on a very restricted diet to control her symptoms. I restrict some things, to a much lesser extent, but the big nono's which definitely affect it are potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and aubergines. For me, it potatoes and aubergines only, really, but for her it's all of them. Try cutting potatoes and see if this help with the pain and swelling, it really helps me, and I am guaranteed to have a flare up if I eat potatoes more then once a week! (not easy when you're watching the pennies as they're so cheap, I know)

I hope you find this useful.

Savvy_sewing

Hi have a Spondylosis of the spine. Or a degenerative disc problem as the doctor wrote on my sick note today!.
I also have sciatica. So its a nuisance. The weather flares things up like arthritis.
The discs in the neck are hardening, and that causes the passage way for the nerves to be reduced, which pinches on the nerves and affects the left side at the moment. May affect the rest as time goes by. Doesnt seem to be a cure for it, just Pain management. Lifting is a big no no, but of course how can I not lift a 2 year old?
I am sure something will come of all of this soon.
If the MP doesnt get back to me in another week then I will move it all up a gear, give them all another, final set of deadlines, and then go to the TV or local Paper.
problem is I didnt really want the world knowing my problems. (I know a lot of people read this now, but they dont actually know who I am, if you get what I mean, so its still pretty annonamous). But if its the only way to get some action then I think I dont really have any more choices.


Someone mentioned moving back in with all the family. But I have been rereading my diary entries for last year, and NO. NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i CANNOT GO BACK TO THAT LIFE.
I cannot look after one child nevermind 3 of them.
I cannot live with one of the twins again, never mind two of them! Having twin1 here 2 days a week is enough to drive me to distraction as it is.!!

jackieglasgow

Ouch, poor you. It was just the mention of gabapentin that made me think of RA. I agree that moving back in together is a step backwards. Your daughters need to learn to live on their own, and the Social Workers need to give them the correct support. Are they on DLA? If so, I had been thinking about them being "domestically challenged", couldn't some money from their DLA be used towards a cleaner for an hour on a Monday and Thursday or something like that? Has the SW ( or you, if you have the time/ energy ) maybe drawn her up a housework rota, if she has ASD, surely something this like would help? Even if it's only Monday- wash dishes, Tuesday - vaccuum all rooms etc., you know, one job per day to get her started? I know it's easy for me to say when I'm not involved, but having experience of a child with ASD, these are things I've been thinking about for the future.

Savvy_sewing

DLA is no longer given to them. A battle I am fighting. Even I cannot get it at the moment.
I have long thought of a Daily help, but its not done apparantly. We have fallen through all the nets at the moment. The Social will not come up with much help.
I think I will be having to Campaign for change in their care system. If only I was well, then I would be lobbying the parliament, doing the protests etc etc, and fighting for all those out there like them who have children. How many of our childrens children are in care becuase they need a bit of help, and cannot get it?
The though is very scarey indeed.
Care in the community is a lot of Bull manure.
The powers that be do not have it sorted out at all.

Anyway, will have to stop grumbling. I cannot do anything about it at the moment apart frm not give up completely!.

Savvy_sewing

We have produced chart after chart for them to follow. Given them routines on all the different things. They do it for a few days then the chart goes missing!.
I had thought I had taught them all the skills that they would need to survive. They can do all of the things asked of them. But they cannot do them without being told what to do.! They do not seem to be able to think of more than one thing at a time, forget whats next and loose everything in the meanwhile.
Each one can count, read, write, add up money etc. Each one of them can boil a kettle, cook a meal,(ish) and load a washing machine.
Neither can iron their clothes, as they forget to change the temperature, etc on the iron, but they dont attempt to iron anyway.
They know how to use a telephone, and how to ask for Help, ring 999 etc.
They know a lot, they just cannot link it all up!

minimoneysaver

I think it is obvious, from what you are saying that they really shouldn't be living on their own with children to raise. I have a degree, my own home, I own my car outright and am self sufficient, but even I struggle to bring up my daughter on my own. I know I am trying to juggle raising her with working, but at the end of the day, raising another human being with good morals, manners, sense of responsibility and to be independent, requires parents who can model the required behaviours. I think that both of your twins struggle with even the basics and asking that of them is a step too far. The social have set them up for failure and are neglecting the needs of their children (your grandchildren). I suppose before you ask for more help, you need to ask yourself, what outcome do you want? Worst case senario, the children are removed and put into foster care.

Savvy_sewing

I suppose if the partners of the girls, the fathers were of any use, it would be a completely different scenario.
I had hoped that they(the girls) would actually get all the links together, and then would surivive life. They have all the basic skills, just cannot seem to join it all together.
I thought they were doing OK at one stage, but then the evidence slowly showed itself.:eek:
I think that if the father of DGS2 doesnt sort himself out, fast, then the boys will be in Foster Care, becuase I cannot protect them from him, and I cannot physically care for them.
I am just getting by myself, with my granddaughter, and the thought that it would be forever fills me with horror. not becuase its her, she is a complete delight, and highly intelligent. But the fact that I personally am unwell, and its making me worse.
The thought of having to have all of the family living back with me, would mean another move, something I dread. This is the 19th home I have had since 1981. I cannot remember how many homes I had when Dad was in the RAF.
But I know of at least 11 of them. I am sure there were more, but I cannot recall them all now. Some we only saw for a 10 day holiday and then they had moved again before we came back from boarding school.!:)

I feel I am being selfish, but I really am not sure I can go back to the way we were last year. We were living in a lovely house, and I thought it was perfect for all of the family and ideal for the girls to bring the babies up in.
But the constant battles to get them to do anything, the mess they were in financially, the mess they left me in, the battles that most people have with teenagers,etc. It was just a constant battle that was making me ill.
Thats why when twin2 was being the worst, it was the end of the straw and I moved out to the cottage. (It was all I could afford).
I thought that being here would give me time with my son, and that the girls would be getting the help that Social Services said was out there. Ha ha.:rotfl:

anyway I have thought long and hard about having twin1 to come and stay, but as she has not been willing to give up her flat,and come here while she could, to stay with her daughter etc, I think that it is obvious that she would not want to live here in the village. Again I cannot afford to move, unless the council were to actually find me somewhere where I didnt need a huge deposit. But then I will still have all the trouble that I had before. Or half of it.
Then if I get a council house for her and her baby, and then we get the next round of problems and then her sister and her two boys have to come to live with me, the house will not be big enough.
The council do not do 6 or 8 bedroomed houses that I know of.
Living in Private housing is expensive, and when on benefits its hard to find. Then if you do find it, and just one person moves out, we all have to move again.:eek:

I dread moving again. I had hoped that the next move, apart from to the celestial heavens:A would be with my BF, but as he doesnt want to get caught up in all of the milee, that my world is, then its not going to happen.
so I want to make this cottage my home, i wanted to have my garden, to walk in the fields, (while I can still walk), to look out of my bedroom window at the sheep on the hill beside us. To make this little place comfortable with things that are mine. Not toys, and prams and cots. Is that such a bad want in life?
I suppose I am being selfish. I am sure some will say that if I brought them into the world then I should take care of them, for the rest of their or my life.
What will happen to them all when I am gone? It doesnt bare thinking about, as it is obvious that the state is not capable of finding the right thing.

It is easy. They should be in a flat, like twin1 is now in, but with someone who can come in and help them with thier daily tasks. Make sure that they are safe, encourage them to clean etc, or what ever it is. Have a cleaner, or a care worker who can just help them, then go.
They are not totally incapable. They just need a little assistance in doing it. But when its family, and its 24/7 365 days a year its very hard to do that.
I wish I had the patience to do it.
orThe funding to do it.
If I was well off I would provide a Nursery Place for the children, a Nanny, like the girls had when i was working. A cleaner to help around the house.
But I am not, and unless I meet a millionare who can help me, or win that lucky ticket on the lottery, I dont think that it will be possible.:rotfl::rotfl:

What can I do? What will the system provide? As I have not been able to provide. I had tried when we all lived in the Pub, giving the girls tasks, and a job. Giving them a training in hospitality. I thought that it would be a good thing. But they fell in with the wrong people, and they didnt want to work, and I could not afford it. Going bankrupt.
I have brought them all up for the last 17 years on my own. I have worked for the first 16 of those years. If I hadnt become ill with all of this I would still be working, and I intend to be able to still work at some stage in my life. I miss going out to work, I miss being a business woman, I miss having my own business. I miss having my life if the truth be known. But when and if i ever get my life, I won't know what to do with it, will i? Not after all these years of fighting and battleing, and loosing to the system.
I am feeling very old before my time. I am only 48. I feel 68.
(even the age on the wii fit thing said I had an age of 60!!).
I know that life is a trial, and a challenge, but I didnt realise that it never stops.
I certainly dont have a mundane, humdrum life do i?
Perhaps one day I will write a book about it all, nobody would belive my life was true! :T

Errata

I truly don't think you're being selfish, but you are being realistic and why not ?
I followed your previous thread as you wrote it and have followed this one. From all the posts you've written it just seems that the twins need someoine to look after them, before any thought can be given to how their children can be looked after.

I don't have any answers or suggestions except this. What do you want your life to look like in 10 weeks, 10 months, 10 years time ? If you can be brutally honest with yourself about that, then perhaps the way forward might become clearer.
As always, best wishes.

MiniLaura

Mooloo - i know most of us live too far away to give practical help but how about help in looking for infomration, writing letters,anything else we can do from a distance.

I honestly wish that things will improve for you and reading your last few posts have put things into perspective im sure for many!