A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

I think that I write these threads for my sanity. Not just for the support that I get.
so manypeople give good advicein their replies.
I am trying to let the process of the system work before I shouted from the roof tops. But I am battling against a mighty giant. I am a small cog in the wheels.
I suppose I didnt want it to get to the stage of having to be a campaign against the system. I wanted to work with Social Services and the various agencies. But it doesnt seem to be wanting to do the same back with me.

I appreciate all the offers of help from people. I am hoping to meet Molly41 soon. It would be good to have somewhere different to go to. Someone to meet, and share a cuppa with. But I am so tied up with the problems of my offspring that I dont seem to have the energy to have the time for myself.

erratta, I hope that I will be able to see what the future I want is.
I suppose I wanted the cliche of a comfortable retirement, with a small place (but maybe not so draughty as this one), a garden and a place where I could sew to my hearts content. I wanted to have a simple life, crafting. Gardening, and visiting the family and handing the children back.
I wanted to be able to afford a holiday a bit further afield. Possibly to eventually retire abroad as my sister and brother plan to do. Are doing.
I did want to write a book once, but I never get the ideas off the ground.
I want to be able to pass on my sewing skills to others. I wanted to be a teacher when iwas a teenager, but I couldnt go to college. Never in one place long enough.
I want somewhere where I can plant my roots!
I would like to share it all with a partner. I had hoped that my BF was that said partner, but 5 years down the line, nearly 6 and its just not looking like it.

angie_baby

Mooloo wrote: »

I suppose if the partners of the girls, the fathers were of any use, it would be a completely different scenario.
I had hoped that they(the girls) would actually get all the links together, and then would surivive life. They have all the basic skills, just cannot seem to join it all together.
I thought they were doing OK at one stage, but then the evidence slowly showed itself.:eek:
I think that if the father of DGS2 doesnt sort himself out, fast, then the boys will be in Foster Care, becuase I cannot protect them from him, and I cannot physically care for them.
I am just getting by myself, with my granddaughter, and the thought that it would be forever fills me with horror. not becuase its her, she is a complete delight, and highly intelligent. But the fact that I personally am unwell, and its making me worse.
The thought of having to have all of the family living back with me, would mean another move, something I dread. This is the 19th home I have had since 1981. I cannot remember how many homes I had when Dad was in the RAF.
But I know of at least 11 of them. I am sure there were more, but I cannot recall them all now. Some we only saw for a 10 day holiday and then they had moved again before we came back from boarding school.!:)

I feel I am being selfish, but I really am not sure I can go back to the way we were last year. We were living in a lovely house, and I thought it was perfect for all of the family and ideal for the girls to bring the babies up in.
But the constant battles to get them to do anything, the mess they were in financially, the mess they left me in, the battles that most people have with teenagers,etc. It was just a constant battle that was making me ill.
Thats why when twin2 was being the worst, it was the end of the straw and I moved out to the cottage. (It was all I could afford).
I thought that being here would give me time with my son, and that the girls would be getting the help that Social Services said was out there. Ha ha.:rotfl:

anyway I have thought long and hard about having twin1 to come and stay, but as she has not been willing to give up her flat,and come here while she could, to stay with her daughter etc, I think that it is obvious that she would not want to live here in the village. Again I cannot afford to move, unless the council were to actually find me somewhere where I didnt need a huge deposit. But then I will still have all the trouble that I had before. Or half of it.
Then if I get a council house for her and her baby, and then we get the next round of problems and then her sister and her two boys have to come to live with me, the house will not be big enough.
The council do not do 6 or 8 bedroomed houses that I know of.
Living in Private housing is expensive, and when on benefits its hard to find. Then if you do find it, and just one person moves out, we all have to move again.:eek:

I dread moving again. I had hoped that the next move, apart from to the celestial heavens:A would be with my BF, but as he doesnt want to get caught up in all of the milee, that my world is, then its not going to happen.
so I want to make this cottage my home, i wanted to have my garden, to walk in the fields, (while I can still walk), to look out of my bedroom window at the sheep on the hill beside us. To make this little place comfortable with things that are mine. Not toys, and prams and cots. Is that such a bad want in life?
I suppose I am being selfish. I am sure some will say that if I brought them into the world then I should take care of them, for the rest of their or my life.
What will happen to them all when I am gone? It doesnt bare thinking about, as it is obvious that the state is not capable of finding the right thing.

It is easy. They should be in a flat, like twin1 is now in, but with someone who can come in and help them with thier daily tasks. Make sure that they are safe, encourage them to clean etc, or what ever it is. Have a cleaner, or a care worker who can just help them, then go.
They are not totally incapable. They just need a little assistance in doing it. But when its family, and its 24/7 365 days a year its very hard to do that.
I wish I had the patience to do it.
orThe funding to do it.
If I was well off I would provide a Nursery Place for the children, a Nanny, like the girls had when i was working. A cleaner to help around the house.
But I am not, and unless I meet a millionare who can help me, or win that lucky ticket on the lottery, I dont think that it will be possible.:rotfl::rotfl:

What can I do? What will the system provide? As I have not been able to provide. I had tried when we all lived in the Pub, giving the girls tasks, and a job. Giving them a training in hospitality. I thought that it would be a good thing. But they fell in with the wrong people, and they didnt want to work, and I could not afford it. Going bankrupt.
I have brought them all up for the last 17 years on my own. I have worked for the first 16 of those years. If I hadnt become ill with all of this I would still be working, and I intend to be able to still work at some stage in my life. I miss going out to work, I miss being a business woman, I miss having my own business. I miss having my life if the truth be known. But when and if i ever get my life, I won't know what to do with it, will i? Not after all these years of fighting and battleing, and loosing to the system.
I am feeling very old before my time. I am only 48. I feel 68.
(even the age on the wii fit thing said I had an age of 60!!).
I know that life is a trial, and a challenge, but I didnt realise that it never stops.
I certainly dont have a mundane, humdrum life do i?
Perhaps one day I will write a book about it all, nobody would belive my life was true! :T

Ive read your thread for ages. You are such a wonderful person. I cant really say anything else. I just wish i could help, but you really are an angel :A

PS If my lucky dip comes up, we will all be happy!

queen_of_string

Here I am once again as the voice of the unthinkable! Maybe I am devolping a role for myself!!

The help the twins need is available through social services, they can look for a Supporting People funded placement (bit like hens teeth tbh), or they can commission a care package. Unfortunately some authorites have now decided they are not commissioning for cleaning ( I think the magic fairies are supposed to do it).

The barrier is that now they will have run out of money and will only be commissioning new stuff as another package ceases ( eg if someone dies or moves out of the area). The criteria for getting any money now will be to be at the top of the pile of need. You will have to be the most desparate, the most demanding, the most annoying, the one they want to solve the most. It's not right, but it's the sad truth.

I have sat on both sides of the fence as a care manager, dishing out scarce resources ( not in child and family thank the lord) and now as a Supported Housing provider, sadly not close to you.

The second thing that occurs to me is a point raised by another poster. They described the removal of the children to care as the worst possible outcome, but is it really?

The girls, through no fault of anyones, struggle to prioritise and parent their babies. They make poor relationaship choices with individuals who abuse them and their children and will continue to do so, because of thier disabilities.

There is no way you can be more than a normal grandparent to these kids. Permanent placement with a loving family could be a long term, good solution for these children and would not necessarily mean a loss of contact for you and the extended family. Adoption services seem to have finally realise that contact with birth families enhances childrens lives.

I know it's off the wall, but I think it's something worth considering and comparing with the life the children might have otherwise. I know the feelings of the twins need to be part of the considerations and there are 2 buts to that. But 1, the children must come first. But 2, twin 1 has already shown that she cannot prioritise her daughter and seems content to have already moved on from being her main carer, probably as a function of her disability.


I am in no way saying that disabled adults shouldn't or cant be parents, they can and are , often very successfuly but they have to passionately want to.

Feel free to ignore me as usual, I wish there was something more practical I could do.

Keeping_Motivated

Selfish???!!!! I refuse to listen to that word in your case...how on earth you can think you are selfish I don't know...this is nothing to do with selfishness...you are in an impossible situation..you are doing your best and that is the most you can do.

Take care
KM x

Mrs_Weasley

:grouphug:Dodgey hugs Mooloo,

i'm sorry i have no practical advice whatsoever. Just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world because by god you deserve it.

Sending you some love as well, reading your posts always makes me cry and reminds me i should be grateful for what i have.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow x

mrs w xxx

minimoneysaver

It would seem that Queen of String has a point about twin 1. It does sound like she has moved on with her life with no thought for her child (your grandaughter). Her reluctance to come to spend time at your home and interacting with her child, seem to be the bottom of her priority list... what is her priority at the moment?
If you are prepared to let go, maybe foster care would be for the best and give the children a better start in life.

Savvy_Sue

I was going to ask how old you were, and say that one of my friends has not long moved into a rented sheltered housing flat run by Methodist Homes. She's still working, but for her it's perfect after a very stressful time of uncertain tenancies. What's more, there's a communal garden which residents are encouraged to work in if they want to. Best of ALL worlds, unless she completely loses the plot she's there for life, and has all the aids and mod cons she's likely to need if her body packs up on her.

Now, generally these places are for the over 50s, BUT with your disabilities you MIGHT find that you could get in too (never mind that you're not on DLA!) I know the Housing Association I used to work for had some properties like my friend's, where if you were nearly 50 but disabled, they would give you a tenancy.

So don't discount flats completely. The RIGHT one could be perfect.

And yes, while some of the suggestions may appear 'unthinkable', you're NOT being selfish and you DO have to think of the longer term, rather than continuing to lurch from one crisis to the next.

Hugs from me too.

Skint_Lynne

Mooloo,

I have been lurking on your thread for some time, I am disgusted. I am so disgusted that you and your family are being treated this way. These girls have wee ones and these kids are not being considered. The social just want to dump it onto you. Where does it end, when you are sent round the twist? When you end up being hospitalised through stress and exhaustion? When do you get any help with money? When you are in the poorhouse with nowt, my goodness you cannot even heat your home properly.

I am just thinking out loud here. You have written to authorities, you have consulted MP's the social, doctors etc. You mentioned that you are a small cog in a bigger wheel. You are a person who is entitled to some help.

People come to this country and get help, they have not paid into the system. (I don't have anything against any other person), but you have presumably paid into the system, they should be helping you now.

I would go to the local paper now, tomorrow if you can. Don't leave it any longer, you need help and you are entitled to it. You've given the 'system' enough chances, shake them up and get the help you deserve.

I think you are a great person, and it's not fair the amount of carp you are getting. Good luck and best wishes. xx You are an :A.

mommame

Hi mooloo I was just thinking with exasperation what you can do next and I really think you should contact Denise Robertson of this morning fame and ask her to read your 2 threads and ask her to get behind you to get some assistance.

I really don't know how you are even able to string a sentence together the way you have been treated by everyone from the lowest to the highest of our so called caring officials.
Denise is well known for championing family cases where injustices go on, I think it is worth a try anyway.

I can't think of the other woman who is now running for office who is chairperson of the child-line organization,got it Ester Rantzine ,maybe she too would take up your case.
Best of luck what ever you come up with and if I could concentrate long enough myself I would do it for you but like yourself I have a chronic condition and can only do little bits at a time.Hugs

candygirl

Yea Esther Rantzen would be a good person to contact, she's into championing causes esp where children are concerned, plus she is trying to become an mp;)(god i'm cynical:o)
MOOLOO your wishes for your retirement are quite similar to mine, although I am a bit younger than you.You are NOT!!!!! selfish, so please don't put yourself down like this:A:AYou are entitled to some rest and peace, and should be getting all the help you need sooner rather than later:(