Daughter caught us having sex....

robpw2

littlemissmoney wrote: »

It's her home

as my mum said when i used to claim this as a child .. do you pay the mortgage ?
then no its not her home its her parents .. she is allowed to stay there

Gingham_Ribbon

robpw2 wrote: »

as my mum said when i used to claim this as a child .. do you pay the mortgage ?
then no its not her home its her parents .. she is allowed to stay there

I don't agree with that one at all. That sounds like a child doesn't belong, has no roots. If it's not her home, then where is?

littlemissmoney

robpw2 wrote: »

as my mum said when i used to claim this as a child .. do you pay the mortgage ?
then no its not her home its her parents .. she is allowed to stay there

I've never had a mortgage, but I've always had a home

t_obermory

I have to say I felt sympathy for you at the start of the thread but now I just feel sorry for your DD. She heard something that she presumably has never heard before and due to being a teenager and not having the ability to make a truly rational response in the heat of the moment she over reacted and burst into your room; upon doing so she saw various toys on your bed which probably led to her telling you she's leaving home.

She may watch skins, but that doesn't mean she's emotionally mature enough to deal with all aspects of sex; she's probably scared stiff about it I know I was at that age. To then walk in on her parents with an assortment of sex toys at 14 is a pretty horrific moment for her. No teenager wants to think about their parents having sex, let alone them using sex toys.

I agree that she shouldn't have barged into your room; however I do not feel that you've handled it very well. By all the rude comments and innuendo you are only alienating her more; she's already mortified by what she saw, is probably regretting barging in on you and by you and your OH doing the embarrassing parent routine you are not giving her any route to come to you to apologise. With the innuendo and deliberately trying to wind her up you are only protracting the situation when it could be solved by maturity on your part and a simple conversation.

You are the adults here, you can't expect her to be mature about this when you clearly aren't.

kindofagilr

I disagree, I think the DD needs to get over it.

She needs to know its natural and adults do it all the time.

I agree the OP needs to talk to DD and explain all this to her, but if DD wont let her speak then what can OP do?

I mean the 11 year old understands what is going on and is totally fine with it, so the 14 years old is being totally immature!

ChIpStIcK

You are the adults here, you can't expect her to be mature about this when you clearly aren't.[/QUOTE]


My daughter is in a loving household, I have tried to talk to her but she has made it quite clear she doesn't want to and is handling this in her own way, How are we immature? Oh works 50+ hours in the city and does much work from home in his own time for free, i work 18 hours at a solicitors, we own our own home, have never been disrespectful to anyone and because we like a laugh together ( which keeps our spark going) we are immature? our daughter is a teenager , she is Kevin and Perry x10, we are always here for her and she knows that, many a time she has rung me from school with trivial issues and many a time i as any mother has talked and comforted my child.
So don't start saying we dont give a damn, you have no idea.

She took my Sex and the City dvds to a sleepover, so i'm sure my daughter knows as much as any younfg lady of her age.

t_obermory

ChIpStIcK wrote: »

So don't start saying we dont give a damn, you have no idea.

Where did I say you don't give a damn? You obviously do otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. There is a big difference between knowing about sex and being emotionally mature enough to understand it, your daughter obviously isn't emotionally mature enough to deal with it or she wouldn't have reacted the way she did.

All I'm saying is instead of trying to wind her up and embarrass her further sit her down and talk to her she doesn't have to say anything to listen. Explain that sex is natural and you're going to be doing it etc etc. But as I said in my original post

she is probably regretting barging in on you and by you and your OH doing the embarrassing parent routine you are not giving her any route to come to you to apologise. With the innuendo and deliberately trying to wind her up you are only protracting the situation when it could be solved by maturity on your part and a simple conversation

which is something I stand by as you've made no real effort to talk to her.

Don't post on a public forum if you don't want to hear views that differ from yours.

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

I had three teenage daughters who used to just get up and slam their bedroom doors when they heard us "at it" as it were.
We never hid the fact that we had sex whenever it took our fancy.
I remember telling them on many occasions that they would'nt be here otherwise and that teenagers may think they had invented sex but were only practicing.
I remember my youngest daughter who was 14 then,saying to me as a 35 year old that dad was disgusting and he should be leaving a woman as old as me alone as surely I was past it.
She was embarrassed (and a bit possesive and jealous) as is your daughter,it's only natural.It's something which excludes her from both of your affections but thats no excuse you have to talk to her and let her know she can't dictate in this area of your life.
Talking to her in this way is also a good way forward for your future as mother and daughter and also an important lesson in growing up.
My daughter's are all in their thirties now and we can talk about anything no matter how intimate and that's the way it should.

DKLS

SugarSpun wrote: »

My poor husband got a chest infection last October and had to go to the doctor. She asked him to remove his shirt and was apparently dumbfounded at the state of his shoulders (bitten) and back (scratched to ribbons). She gave him the full abuse talk, and then when he protested that I was merely ... enthusiastic ... she responded that she'll know in future how his relationship's going without having to ask.

We met her in the street. I was mortified.

Loving this thread
My best female mate is a consultant who runs the local GUM clinic. Its great going out with her.

Mainly due to peoples reactions to her, they will spot her at the bar, say Hi and start a conversation with her, at some point and this varies between 30 seconds and a few minutes they realise exactly how they know her.
The looks on their face and their reactions are priceless.


Ps the woods were fun, although the bark burn is itching a bit

wept

t_obermory wrote: »

Don't post on a public forum if you don't want to hear views that differ from yours.

So why are you throwing your toys out of your pram then?

The OP wanted advice not a lecture.