Cross with OH ..

Valli

well if we're going to get into reasons why an ex is an ex


it all comes down to being
1 thoughtless
2 inconsiderate
3 a cheapskate (ie doing something cheaply - no reflection on the actual financial capability - because you can DO if you can't BUY IYSWIM)

so I have had, as gifts

a breadmaker (secondhand - his mate persuaded him it was a good idea - erm guess who was SELLING the breadmaker)
copied CDs - handwritten on CD with !!!!!! scanned labels - and I am not even going into the legality of THAT one - another mate 'kindly' did the honours!
(I destroyed them actually)

BitterAndTwisted

Reminds me of the time when I was a little kid when money was very tight although I didn't understand that at the time, I was too young. Dad bought my Mum a hoover for Christmas. She kicked it from one side of the room to the other. He got off lightly, in her position I would have strangled him with the flew

BritRael

Valli wrote: »

and here too - at a non-birthday gift time TELL your GF you WOULD like to buy her something SHE would like but you know you are rubbish at picking up ideas and choosing stuff she would like SO you would like her to give you some options...then you can choose from them. So it's still a suprise.
HTH

er...funnily enough, I had thought of that, and tried it many times. In fact, I think we've had the same discussion on every Christmas and b/d in the 10+ years that we've been together!
I think she just enjoys proving her point that men don't understand women! :rolleyes:

BritRael

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Just to say that when she says you should pick something what she means is you should actually LISTEN to her for about a month before her birthday and hear what she's saying she would like. Or you should ask her mum/sister/best friend to help you choose. She is not saying you should go out on your own to do it (even if those are the words issuing from her mouth )

My DH thinks I don't know he asks his sister for advice on my birthday present. And quite often gets a different sister to wrap it :rolleyes: But they both have great taste and do actually listen to me some of the time so can hazard a guess!

Thats another good suggestion. Thanks I'll give it a go next time :cool:

bellrooster

Wow thanks for all your kind responces!

I think Errata hit the nail on the head really, I'm so dissapointed that my daughter missed out on the change to spend some time with her Daddy, making something for me.

I've had a chat with him, he said he was thoughtfull as he thought about me every time he put some money in his savings jar, it doesn't really wash with me!

He also now claims he bought cards, from both himself and one to send from my daughter, and 'lost' them.

oh well, thats that then! I won't 'forget' his birthday - my daughter loves making cards, cakes, candles so we'll still push the boat out for him this year, as we've always done.

Valli

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You divorced him because he didn't make a fuss on your birthday??!!

it might have been the straw that broke the camel's back IYSWIM....

carolinosourus

bellrooster wrote: »

I think Errata hit the nail on the head really, I'm so dissapointed that my daughter missed out on the change to spend some time with her Daddy, making something for me.

[snipped]

oh well, thats that then! I won't 'forget' his birthday - my daughter loves making cards, cakes, candles so we'll still push the boat out for him this year, as we've always done.

I agree with the 1st bit, my parents split up when I was 8, my mum couldn't afford to give us pocket money and dad wasn't interested in helping my younger brother and I so we would make a card with what we had at home, and my mum would make a cake and then let us decorate it, but we enjoyed the giving aspect of it. (My dad is still a complete *banker* financially and I still get angry about it even though I'm now 23).

Hopefully you not being petty about his birthday will make him feel even more guilty, and next year will do something extra special, if he doesn't then take BitterAndTwisted's idea and replace the hoover with his bottom...

Ladypenelope

Maybe you should forget his birthday and also forget about Father's day!

Pee

Maybe he would rather you forgot about his?

My boyfriend doesn't really like birthdays, although he's beginning to get the hang of a nice present to show off now he's getting used to me.

He would do anything for me, but he would rather walk fifteen miles with a petrol can than go into a shop and buy something, meaning I usually get a card and flowers when he thinks about it, often at a birthday or special occasion. I remind him when our anniversary and my birthday is, so that he doesn't forget, and tell him what I want so that either I buy something for him to give me or we go where I want for dinner.

This only works because I know that he would do the fifteen mile walk...

Is there something you would like to do that he wouldn't be mad keen on? We quite often watch a Shakespeare play for my birthday as he wasn't initially very keen and have been to a football match.

I have to book it, but quite honestly I don't mind that. I have a friend who gets surprised, which is nice, but i think I'm too much of a control freak and would worry had he got the best deal!

AnnieP_3

Valli wrote: »

Bellrooster
can I suggest (voiceof experience here - I'm divorced) that if this has caused you upset and distress, which it appears to have, that you pick your moment, tell him that you need to talk and tell him how very disappointed/let down you were that he forgot your birthday. Then wait and see how he takes it. Don't 'go on' at him; don't bring any other failings/problems into the discussion and see what he has to say.

Oh !!!!!! all that, just go out and buy yourself something very expensive that he can't fail to notice, and when he remarks on it, say 'thank you darling, just what i have always wanted' he'll get the message then! Good luck