Cross with OH ..

bellrooster

Hi folks

It was my birthday a couple of weeks back, I LOVE birthdays (especially my own ) and we always make a fuss of whoever's birthday it is.. (There's 3 of us, me my partner and our 3 year old daughter)

This year though, my OH didn't even get me a card! he didn't get a card for my daughter to write out to me, no flowers, no token gift.. when I *finally* asked where was my card/pressies, he looked sheepish, ran upstairs and fished out some pound coins out of his savings jar and told me to spend them on 'whatever I like'. :mad:

I didn't make a fuss about it on the day as I didn't want to ruin it! but we talked about it the next day and I told him that I felt hurt, that I it made me feel that I wasn't worth making any effort for.

He said he was going to make it up to me, and that I'd have an 'unbirthday' in the next week or so. Over 3 weeks on and nothing..

I'm so angry!!

carolinosourus

I'm not normally one for revenge-behaviour but why don't you "forget" his next time? I would have been very angry had my boyfriend done this. Did he forget or just not make the effort? Do you celebrate mother's day and did he remember this?

If it was me, I'd ask whether he'd started planning the unbirthday, and as he's left it so long it's obviously taking a lot of planning and you're expecting it to be extra-special!

Edit: Happy birthday for 3 weeks ago!

Barneysmom

Men don't bother about birthdays so forgetting his won't really bother him.

I'd be saying 'Oh, I can't wait for my birthday, I hope I get something really nice, which day is it going to be so I can start the countdown'

Is he broke though? Perhaps he's embarassed and hoping you'll forget it?

Edit too Happy Birthday for 3 weeks ago!

carolinosourus

I don't know whether that's necessarily true about men not really being bothered about remembering their birthdays, if he's used to a lot of fuss and then the event just gets totally ignored I think he'd be really upset! Especially if there's a present that he really wants?

But I agree, maybe he is broke and doesn't want to admit it?

jellyhead

When we were broke my husband made a card with my son, and they drew wrapping paper on the computer and printed it out, then wrapped a chocolate bar for me. If you are skint then it's something they can do for very little cost - just use paper if you have no card, and stick it to the fridge with a magnet if it's too flimsy to stand up on display. 3 year olds like birthdays and enjoy giving, even if it's something simple like a biscuit they made for you.

Happy Birthday from me It must have been hurtful for you, I hope your husband makes a bit of effort.

belfastgirl23

It is a very typical man thing to do

Could you ask your mum or sister or someone to remind him next time?

But it is a bigger issue really, it's about you wanting him to make a fuss of you sometimes. Maybe you need to say it that bluntly

Glamazon

you're not my MIL are you?

My family rarely send cards, there are so many spread all over the country that we just send a text or phone each other up. Plus it would cost a fortune, I send to my dad and grandad but thats because they are both on their own..

OH's mum reminds him 2 weeks before and got really moody one year when he said he wasn't doing cards and refused to speak to him when he actually didn't send one (she thought he was bluffing). It makes me so mad, it's a bl00dy card !!!!!! - and I told her this!

He's a man, he probably forgot - it's what they do best.

I agree with forgetting his birthday! See how he likes it. I wouldn't let it get to you, life is too short!

It's my birthday in 2 weeks and OH had bought me 2 Standing tickets to see Take That but I've swapped them for 2 tickets to see Everton v Chelsea this Saturday :jI say OH bought them, I bought them and then took the money out of his wallet
Normally we don't make a fuss but these will be the last birthdays for me and OH on our own!

Dormouse

I would be very cross too, OP. I know it's not a constructive comment, but just letting you know I would feel the same. :mad:

He can't even use the excuse of being broke if he had a few pound coins in the jar - enough for flowers/cake/chocs then! :cool:

Is your OH normally a thoughful person or is this the first time he's done soemthing so thoughtless? Is he very busy at work at the moment, or any other pressure?

BTW I agree with the previous poster about birthday cards - never been that bothered about them (they only go in the recycling after a few days anyway - unless handmade by little hands!), but he certainly should've got you something.

Raksha

I used to feel like this, but why do we always lay ourselves open for dissapointment by expecting others to think and feel the same way we do?

bellrooster

Thanks for the relies folks..

Carolinos - I'm tempted to 'forget' his birthday too, but I know when it comes to it, I won't! Espically as my daughter loves making cards!

Barneysmom, I think the unbirthday idea has gone and past now - as for him being broke, he had the money in his jar :rolleyes:

Jellyhead - that sounds lovely! I would've been over the moon with something similar!

Belfastgirl - I don't think he actually forgot my birthday, he just didn't get anything! I will talk to him about it!

Glamazon - Enjoy your football match! I know that cards can be a bit naff, but it's nice to have one from daughter, I've kept all the others she's given me.

Dormouse - Thanks! it's good to know it's not just me being a pain! He's sometimes thoughtful, or tries to be - he remembered valentines day this year which is progress! he was fitting a kitchen for family at the time of my birthday, only a few minutes walk from several shops so it isn't like the oppertunity wasn't there.

Raksha - I know what you mean.

BritRael

I never forget me GF's b/d; er...she wouldn't let me!!

My 'fault' is that I always ask her what she wants, which drives her up the wall. She prefers me to 'pick something', even though experience has taught her that I always pick rubbish and she has to take it back and change it! Whereas I would prefer to cut out the middle man and buy something that she actually wants, irrespective of cost.

I know, I'm a heartless bast**d... :rolleyes:

Women huh? You can't beat 'em. Pity!!