Cross with OH ..

bank_of_slate

bellrooster wrote: »

Hi folks

It was my birthday a couple of weeks back, I LOVE birthdays (especially my own ) and we always make a fuss of whoever's birthday it is.. (There's 3 of us, me my partner and our 3 year old daughter)

This year though, my OH didn't even get me a card! he didn't get a card for my daughter to write out to me, no flowers, no token gift.. when I *finally* asked where was my card/pressies, he looked sheepish, ran upstairs and fished out some pound coins out of his savings jar and told me to spend them on 'whatever I like'. :mad:

I didn't make a fuss about it on the day as I didn't want to ruin it! but we talked about it the next day and I told him that I felt hurt, that I it made me feel that I wasn't worth making any effort for.

He said he was going to make it up to me, and that I'd have an 'unbirthday' in the next week or so. Over 3 weeks on and nothing..

I'm so angry!!

I think I'd have thrown them at him!
...Linda xx

onewingedangel

I know how you feel- I never got anything for mothers day
Obviously my kids are too young to buy me someting themselves, but OH could've even got a card. He claimed he had no money, but came in carrying a crate of beer for himself!!!! Then when we were outside, he saw a broken keyring on the ground, handed me it and said "happy mothers day". I was so upset, and said nsomething along the lines of it showing how much i was appreciated. I was accused of "not been able to take a joke". I was so hurt
Fathers days coming up so guess what he's getting?????

I suggest you do the same to your OH.
xx

Errata

This is so sad. Your OH has disappointed you, but he has badly let down his daughter.
At three years old she's old enough to understand how special birthdays are and he's denied her the opportunity of celebrating your birthday and telling you how much she loves you on your special day.

JoJoB

Don't make a big deal of him completely !!!!!!ing up your birthday, I would imagine he already knows and is already having major attacks of the guilts.

Just go completely over the top on HIS birthday. Show him how it's done and what "EFFORT" means, even if it's effort in the symbolic rather than monetary sense. Do/make something to really tug at his heartstrings and make a grand old fuss. The only way to show someone how you want to be treated is to treat them the same way. You can have the "talk" and detail exactly how you want your birthday to be conducted in future but then it's going to be a bit hollow when he comes up with the birthday by numbers IMO.

jellyhead

bellrooster wrote: »

he was fitting a kitchen for family at the time of my birthday, only a few minutes walk from several shops so it isn't like the oppertunity wasn't there.

I told my brother off in march - I was chatting to him at his place of work, and reminding him that's it was mum's birthday and then mother's day the next day - he said he'd 'have to try to get something' as if it was really difficult - he works in tesco! I had to ask, could he not see the enormous banners and aisles full of flowers, cards and gifts?!

smartpicture

I don't think 'forgetting' his birthday would have the same effect, as it wouldn't bother him as much as it did you. I agree with the earlier suggestion of going completely over the top instead and showing him how it should be done. But also talking to him now and saying how hurt you feel. I don't blame you at all for feeling as you do, and in your shoes I would definitely take it as a sign of how little I was valued.

My ex forgot my birthday, despite several reminders. He then said he would do something special for me the folllowing week, as he didn't have much money - I said that was fine, and cooking me a romantic meal would be great (he is a trained chef), as I appreciated the effort more than the money and I understood how broke he was. Nothing happened until the next weekend, when he went out shopping, and came home with a new new jumper and shirt - for himself!!!!!

One of the many, many reasons that he is my ex...

seven-day-weekend

You divorced him because he didn't make a fuss on your birthday??!!

durham_girl

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You divorced him because he didn't make a fuss on your birthday??!!

Probably not quite as simple as that :rolleyes:

Maybe it had something to do with the fact he obviously thought more of himself than his girlfriend??

Pssst

I;m not suprised your angry.thats outrageous. I'm a man and i would never forget my partners birthday.

lilac_lady

Perhaps your OH doesn't like the fuss of birthdays and couldn't talk to you about it? Or maybe he's lazy and thoughtless? Or he genuinely forgot?

The list goes on but you'll never know unless you can persuade him to discuss it.

Personally I like getting a card because it shows that the person who sent it cares enough for you to have taken the time to send it. Presents I can live without.