Parents organising students lives

andyrules

Lokolo wrote: »

No.... she wouldn't take it if I even tried. She still tries to pay for my dentist and I don't even live at home anymore!

lol, that sounds familiar! Gave up trying to claim DD's back.

I never have worked out what EMA is for though?

Lokolo

andyrules wrote: »

lol, that sounds familiar! Gave up trying to claim DD's back.

I never have worked out what EMA is for though?

Transport, books etc. supposdly...

I had to buy few books in sixth form. Only Maths and Business I had to and the £20 a week I got would have covered that in 3 weeks.

My jobs at the time paid for petrol and car insurance.

So dunno really.

andyrules

Lokolo wrote: »

Transport, books etc. supposdly...

I had to buy few books in sixth form. Only Maths and Business I had to and the £20 a week I got would have covered that in 3 weeks.

My jobs at the time paid for petrol and car insurance.

So dunno really.

Cheers, that's what I thought.

Books, transport etc - don't all students have that?

Shoshannah

My mother opened a bank account for me when I was 9 or 10. :rotfl:When I was preparing to start university I went down to the banks myself and opened the Student Account of my choice.

I don't get any regular monetary contributions from my parents, except the occasional grocery shop from my mother to fill the freezer, which is much appreciated. Those have stopped though since she herself has fallen on hard times financially and I would not expect anything of her. I graduate in July and in order to practise as a vet I have to pay the £220 fee to be put on the RCVS register - without this I will not be able to get a job. The vast majority of my friends are being given this £220 by their parents as a matter of course - it's unthinkable that it should come from anywhere else. I've got mine by selling some books and doing some odd work on Saturdays (my course makes it impossible to get a regular job because of the lack of holiday and long hours, have worked 17 hour days in the past including weekends). In my gap year I was in full-time employment and gave my mother a contribution each month; the rest went into running my car.

I do find it odd how I am considered a dependent of my mother although I do not live with her, I live with my boyfriend who is in full time employment. Each year I fill in my parts of the student loan form but she does her part - I don't really know anything about my mother's finances nor do I consider it any of my business.

I found it frustrating when I had to call up the SLC with a query a few months ago; the woman was asking me detailed questions about my mother's financial situation and I kept saying I didn't know. Am I strange for not knowing my mother's bank balance?

Oh well. My boyfriend and I are not rich (far from it); all our money after bills and groceries goes into saving for wedding and a little holiday for after my exams. He is nearly 32 so far too old to be relying on parental handouts and I am 24, I consider that a perfectly reasonable age to try and be financially independent.

I do find it a little disheartening when parents come onto this forum asking the questions their sons/daughters should be asking themselves, although I do agree that parents should keep up to date with the rules surrounding student loans too. My parents are both very supportive of me emotionally, I do go to them for advice as I get on very well with them both, in fact they often call me for advice too! But I don't treat them as cash machines.

They've finished bringing me up now, they have their own lives/problems/interests to spend their money on.

Petlamb

I really hate the attitude some folk have about EMA and ALG. The EMA for me paid for transport (busses are NOT as cheap as some seem to think?!), books, trips etc... Some may spend them in other ways, well good for them but it's unfair to say they're free money for no reason; which seems to be some people's suggestion.

As for the parental issue.. There is nothing wrong with the parents who come on here and say "my son/daughter is applying and she/he (or even "we") are confused about XYZ" but the ones who seem to be babying their kids through the process are generally the same ones who will need to be bailing them out at a later date. I am a believer that while yes, it is entirely understandable that any parent would endeavour to back their children up, uni is a learning experience - not just academically, but also in life lessons. That term where you have to literally eat noodles only every day for 2 weeks at the end teaches you to budget better! (i am a student myself (currently college, uni from september), as is my boyfriend and most of our friends... my parents are not spoon feeding me anything on this and haven't done so previously. I have done all the applications myself (except for the bits where the SLC emailed them!) and will NOT have any kind of allowance when i go to uni. I look to stand on my own two feet, though occasionally I am sure my boyfriend and I will support one another when needed. I know that if it did go a bit wrong, my parents would be there in a shot, but i relish the chance to use uni life to blossom into the person i am becoming.

*and breathe!*

Fire_Fox

I think there is a fine line between supporting, guiding and taking over. If the parent is the one who is coming onto MSE to ask the questions, it's often (but not always) the latter. Your child is going to need time management, budgeting and research skills in spades once they are at university - best thing is for them to start now.

If you want your child to leave university without a maxed out credit card, empty bank account and an assortment of bailiffs hot on their tail then point them in the direction of this site at 18. If it makes you feel wanted to send them back to university every Sunday night with clean washing and the weeks dinners all made up then maybe you should be asking yourself if it's time to untie the apron strings.

No I am not a mother, I am a 36 year old mature student who has lived on benefits (incapacity), lived on minimum wage and lived on a maintenance grant. Trust me living on student finance plus a part-time job is a walk in the park compared with the real world.

Davidboy

dieselhead wrote: »

I am always shocked at the number of parents on here asking about finances for their children, before I left for uni I had worked out a guess at a budget, had sorted a weekend job and had researched and opened a student bank account. My parents didn't feature in this, other than me asking them to complete their section of the loan form.

Surely 18 year old students should be making up budgets themselves(although as I discovered its a bit of a guess at first). Its their loan their bank account and their money and they need to stand on their own two feet.

Don't get me wrong my parents are great and always there for me and always willing to offer financial advice, but they wouldn't have dreamed of trying to sort my finances for me at 18 nor would I have wanted them too.

Am I alone in finding the number of parents on here asking these questions surprising?

Guilty as charged, however, when you become a parent...you will understand, trust me!!



D

Oldernotwiser

andyrules wrote: »

Cheers, that's what I thought.

Books, transport etc - don't all students have that?

EMA is paid as an incentive for students from lower income families to remain in education. It isn't intended to be spent on anything in particular.

Oldernotwiser

Davidboy wrote: »

Guilty as charged, however, when you become a parent...you will understand, trust me!!



D

But that assumes that parents who don't do these things don't care about their children. Many parents understand that the purpose of good parenting is to produce independent adults and that this process is hindered rather than helped by those who treat 20 year olds as if they're still 12.

Many of us here are parents and have ourselves had caring parents but we still understand that going to university should be about being independent and not a continuation of school.

noelphobic

Lokolo wrote: »

No.... she wouldn't take it if I even tried. She still tries to pay for my dentist and I don't even live at home anymore!

I pay for my son's dental fees, although they are usually only the mimimum NHS payment luckily. He should be able to get these for free but the form you have to fill in is a nightmare.