Parents organising students lives

angus1

Like others I am quite annoyed at this post. I'm a mum and have posted questions on here about finances etc regarding my daughter going to uni.

We live in a very small rural area in Scotland. My daughter is only 16 and not very independent or worldy wise. She has to start her application to uni in October and because she does want to get out in the world, she wants to move away to a big city. She will still be 17 when she goes - because usually university students in Scotland are a year younger.

I'm not putting her down but she really wouldn't have a clue where to start in this minefield of applying to uni and sorting out all the finances. I don't think this is a slight on her or me, it's just that everyone is different - she's not independent, overly confident or street wise - but she's a lovely girl, good at what she does and I'm very proud of her.

I don't see anything wrong at all in parents doing some early research and finding out some basic information on behalf of their children and even helping them with the financial paperwork they have to complete. It's her that will make the decision about what she studies, where she studies and where she'll live etc. But I will help and advise her, even on this, where she needs it.

When she leaves uni I'm sure she'll be very independent, decisive and have had her eyes opened to the world out there - but at the moment she isn't. And that's what parents are for - to help their children, not take over, just help where it is needed.

DCodd

I think the op's original point was that going to uni is an all encompassing experience and that should include being able to sort out their own resources, which I agree with. Having said that I am guilty of doing the opposite! I usually do all the paperwork for my O/H and her kids. This being bought home to me this weekend when her oldest daughter was applying for her first adult passport and asked how to write a cheque! now lets be honest, if you have never had a need to do something before then you would check that you had done it correctly, would you not?

There is a fine line between helping and the cotton wool wrapping. I will be making sure my O/H kids do their own paperwork from now on but be there to advise as once her oldest goes to uni she may well need to be able to do this sort of thing completely on her own and doing it herself with guidance will at least give her a starting point.

Am I being too harsh??

GlasweJen

I sorted my own finances without my parents and without a computer, we couldn't afford one! The only thing my mum did was check and sign her box on the SAAS form. This year I went through UCAS again and i was astounded to find that you can actually tick a box to allow your parents to deal with your application! Nonsense I think, if you can't even deal with your own application then God help you when you go to uni.

Oldernotwiser

Shoshannah wrote: »

A close realtive was halfway through sixth form when they brought in EMA. Before then she had a Saturday job, and her self esteem seemed to improve. Unfortunately the shop she worked in closed down and she lost the job, but shortly afterwards she began receiving EMA. She spent her weekends lazing around moaning because her EMA was late, and when it did turn up she spent it all on rubbish and rarely gave her mother any of it.

.

That doesn't make sense. Getting EMA and having a part time job are totally different things; many people have both.

I also doubt that many people give their parents any of their EMA, after all, parents still receive financial help for their keep at that stage from CB and CTC.

Oldernotwiser

angus1 wrote: »

I'm not putting her down but she really wouldn't have a clue where to start in this minefield of applying to uni and sorting out all the finances. I don't think this is a slight on her or me, it's just that everyone is different - she's not independent, overly confident or street wise - but she's a lovely girl, good at what she does and I'm very proud of her.

Your daughter is a year younger than most in this situation and in a more sheltered situation. As long as you both use this as a learning situation it'll be beneficial for her; I think that the OP was talking about parents who do everything for their children throughout their university years (and beyond!).

atypical

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

EMA is paid as an incentive for students from lower income families to remain in education. It isn't intended to be spent on anything in particular.

I disagree with EMA, at least in its current form. Incentives to educate yourself go against the whole ethos of education. You educate yourself for yourself, not for anyone else (much less the government). What leads you to do this is recognition of the value of education; values which are not and should not be monetary. EMA makes education of monetary worth only to some, which is a disservice to both the person and education as a concept.

Plus consider how awfully EMA juxtaposes with the values of education held by people in countries where access to an education is a liberating thing.

Oldernotwiser

atypical wrote: »

I disagree with EMA, at least in its current form. Incentives to educate yourself go against the whole ethos of education. You educate yourself for yourself, not for anyone else (much less the government). What leads you to do this is recognition of the value of education; values which are not and should not be monetary. EMA makes education of monetary worth only to some, which is a disservice to both the person and education as a concept.

Plus consider how awfully EMA juxtaposes with the values of education held by people in countries where access to an education is a liberating thing.

Don't go on at me about it; I'm just giving you the rationale behind it, I don't make the rules! The fact is that all governments are petrified of the development of the underclass and, at present, they feel that EMA may encourage some people into doing something more useful with their lives.

Whilst in many ways I agree with what you've said about education; unfortunately none of it relates to the today's realities, even for students going on to university. If you talk about education for its own sake on here, you'll find precious few current students agreeing with you. I know because I used to say things like that!

atypical

It seemed like you were agreeing! The official line is 'widening participation' or some other phrase that George Orwell would probably compare to a "cuttlefish spurting out ink".

'We' take access to education far too much for granted methinks.

DCodd

atypical wrote: »

What leads you to do this is recognition of the value of education; values which are not and should not be monetary.

But surely, to recognise the values of education one needs to be EDUCATED???

andyrules

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

That doesn't make sense. Getting EMA and having a part time job are totally different things; many people have both.

I also doubt that many people give their parents any of their EMA, after all, parents still receive financial help for their keep at that stage from CB and CTC.

They are different means to the same end! One requires initiative, hard work, reliability, commitment - all the skills future employers look for. The other requires you to turn up and hold out your hand.

And as we know, most is spent on rubbish, so what is the point? Why is it some teenagers have to get off their backsides and some don't? What message does that give?

Far better to sponsor those towards an actual career, eg drama/music/sporting students incur extra expenses -so help them; some students do a lot of voluntary work to add to their UCAS form (social work, veterinary etc) give them expenses. Or maybe just let all students get a job as they are expected to at uni - then they'll arrive more independent and ultimately employable.