Parents organising students lives

DCodd

andyrules wrote: »

Far better to sponsor those towards an actual career, eg drama/music/sporting students incur extra expenses -so help them; some students do a lot of voluntary work to add to their UCAS form (social work, veterinary etc) give them expenses. Or maybe just let all students get a job as they are expected to at uni - then they'll arrive more independent and ultimately employable.

So Acdemia is not a career??

andyrules

DCodd wrote: »

So Acdemia is not a career??

Well that's twisting words somewhat, but no, just turning up for the money and attending lectures because you get money isn't. Let's face it - ultimately these students will be applying for employment - they need the correct attitude to get through an interview. If they already are focused and ambitious - then why pay them?

Lokolo

andyrules wrote: »

Well that's twisting words somewhat, but no, just turning up for the money and attending lectures because you get money isn't. Let's face it - ultimately these students will be applying for employment - they need the correct attitude to get through an interview. If they already are focused and ambitious - then why pay them?

So you're saying if someone has decided a career, has planned for it, and is doing what they want, they shouldn't get benefits as those who are just going along til they decide what they want to do?

andyrules

Lokolo wrote: »

So you're saying if someone has decided a career, has planned for it, and is doing what they want, they shouldn't get benefits as those who are just going along til they decide what they want to do?

No, Lokolo, I'm querying why SOME of those who want to be there (as you seem to) should be paid for it, whilst others who equally want to be there and have planned a career, don't. And why, juxtaposed with this, other students, who don't care much, are mainly there for the money.

DCodd

andyrules wrote: »

Well that's twisting words somewhat, but no, just turning up for the money and attending lectures because you get money isn't. Let's face it - ultimately these students will be applying for employment - they need the correct attitude to get through an interview. If they already are focused and ambitious - then why pay them?

To be honest I do not totaly disagree with you. The EMA system is not perfect but I would much rather these kids get EMA and further their education than sit around doing nothing and getting whatever benefits they can. At least we get some level of value for money with EMA.

Some familes truly would not be able to afford the extra cost of 6th form education with out their child receiving the EMA. We struggled to send O/H Daughter on the "necessary" trips and visits which were "essential" and the EMA enabled her to fund herself and did teach financial responsibility.

surfsister

linni wrote: »

When I was 18 we didn't have computer's!

I'm afraid they are essential at uni now as all assisgnments etc done

online and if you haven't got your own computer you are stuck at uni all the time!

duchy

DCodd wrote: »

There is a fine line between helping and the cotton wool wrapping. I will be making sure my O/H kids do their own paperwork from now on but be there to advise as once her oldest goes to uni she may well need to be able to do this sort of thing completely on her own and doing it herself with guidance will at least give her a starting point.

Am I being too harsh??

No sounds like you're taking the right approach-getting them to learn how to be self sufficent but still offering a safetynet if needed.

No-one ever said it was going to be easy letting go-I struggle with it too-especially as my son has a disability but at 17 and halfway through A levels I'm doing him no favours by doing this stuff for him-he needs to learn how to battle paperwork, red tape and silly policies for himself and learn about independence even if I'm quietly standing by with the safetynet and desperately trying not to intervene too early !

giantmutantbroccoli

I lived at home when I was an undergrad, so I didn't have much of a budget to sort out - but what there was, was my responsibility. I paid £20/month rent to my parents, extra towards any unusual food or toiletries I wanted, and my own dental costs (because I was the one who didn't fill the forms in right for the first year, lol). I helped my parents out with their business and even ended up lending them money when needed, so I felt quite independent and grown-up, right up until I left home to do my PhD. That's when I discovered how patchy my survival skills really were - I could wire a plug and grow my own potatoes but had no clue how long you boil rice for or what temperature you can wash sheets at. My parents fielded about 10 questions a day for the first month or so, and I still ring them up to ask them stuff every so often.
I think it's important for parents to give help to their kids without taking control away from them. The parents should provide the advice, because they have the experience, and the kids should make the decisions, because they're the ones who'll have to live with it afterwards.

Oldernotwiser

andyrules wrote: »

Well that's twisting words somewhat, but no, just turning up for the money and attending lectures because you get money isn't. Let's face it - ultimately these students will be applying for employment - they need the correct attitude to get through an interview. If they already are focused and ambitious - then why pay them?

Have you never heard the expression "keeping them off the streets"?

Besides, the discipline of having to get up every day and attend something is good for people's morale and training.

Oldernotwiser

giantmutantbroccoli wrote: »

The parents should provide the advice, because they have the experience, and the kids should make the decisions, because they're the ones who'll have to live with it afterwards.

But not all parents have experience of HE and those that do, remember a very different world. Parental advice is often not all it's cracked up to be, however well meant!