Parents organising students lives

Rosie75

It's not surprising that parents are involved in their children's financial lives given that the funding system considers young people to be "dependent" on parents until the age of 25. I fully understand why parents come to open days, though it does make it difficult for staff to talk to prospective students since they are having to spend the whole time dealing with the many questions that parents have.

This financial dependency is a regrettable situation not just for parents but also for students who now no longer seem to experience university as a passage to adulthood - not only in a financial sense. I have lost track of the number of parents I've had on the phone or email to me threatening to sue the department because (for example) their daughter has failed her modules (ie. didn't hand in any work all year, with no good reason), has had an accident on a field trip (ie. got completely drunk, got into a fight and ended up in hospital - clearly the lecturer's fault for not being with the student 24/7 all week) or was hauled up for plagiarism. There is never any sense on the part of such parents that the student is responsible for their own actions in any way, and there were news features last year reporting that this infantilisation of one's offspring continues into the workplace where some parents even attempt to negotiate their children's paypackets and perks. Of course this is a small minority of parents I'm talking about (usually those who see their relationship with the university as an extension of that they had with the private school they sent their child to) but it's a minority that didn't exist five years ago, and which is likely to increase when the student contribution to tuition fees goes up, as is looking inevitable.

Just for the record - I'm not referring to any posters on here, just my own experience.;)

lotties_mum

I went to Warwick with my dd last week, most students had parents with them. However she wants to go to the all London open day in July so she will have to go by train with her friends because I can't get time off work. I totally agree with Rosie that the parents have to step back from the actual university life because they need to grow up, with ds being 300 miles away I wouldn't have any choice.

BruceyBonus

Another one is people who post asking for a bank account for their 15/16/17/18+ year old. I got my first current account at 14. I went walking up the high street myself to go into banks and collect leaflets about their accounts. The only thing my parents did was check the terms and conditions of the account I chose and signed any paperwork that was required. Apart from that, all the decision making was done by me.

With regards to the open days, I took my parents to all but one. I think that two (or three) pairs of eyes are a lot better than one when it comes to a decision like that. Only one of the universities I applied to did interviews, which I went to myself.

Oldernotwiser

It's a weird contradiction that nowadays, when teenagers are supposed to mature so much earlier in terms of social life, sex, alcohol etc, they're allowed to be mollycoddled by their parents in a way that never used to happen. I think their parents' generation is being conned!

Edinburghlass_2

I'm a mother, what else can I say

squirrelchops

When I first applied to Uni as a teenager i wouldn't have dreamt of having my parent (s) visit the Uni with me. Part of the experience was me going on my own, engaging with others etc.

I am currently at Uni now and as i started at 30 years old having my Mum there then would have been seriously wierd!! LOL

My brother used to give me some extra money as a 'just in case' fund when i travelled about the UK but I enjoyed it. I used to think it odd seeing people with their parents to be honest.

Now i help out with interview days at Uni and as yet have not seen anyone with their parents......

Char_pdc

I'm a postgrad student (completed my undergrad last year) and when I was looking at universities my parents came with me to all the open days. I liked having them there as a different viewpoint, and they appreciated seeing where I was going to be living for three years (a little overprotective but I appreciated the sentiment).

I never expected them to have any input in the decision unless I asked them for advice. When I expressed a different opinion to them, they went with my decision and were supportive, as I expected them to be.

I'm still close to my family now and go to them for finanicial advice or cleaning or cooking if I do not know the answer. As with any of these things however, the final decision is mine and I would always expect it to be.

From my experience at uni, there were others with more protective parents and others who were more independent. I worked some open days over the last couple of years and there were always people with parents there, many of whom took more interest than the kids, who just walked around quietly. And it never failed to amaze me how many asked questions that could be answered simply by reading the prospectus.

Sometimes it also depends on the child, rather than the parent. I shared my halls with some people who went home every weekend and bought back their dinner in 5 tupperware boxes - with the food and day written on it :eek:. Not criticising any parents who care and help their kids out - go with what works for you but sometimes its too far

mumps

For the people who graduated a while ago i would just like to remind them that this year student will be paying over £3000 in tuition fees, I think its something round £3,245, this is before they think about eating, accommodation, buying anything they need for their course, travel, socialising etc. This is why parents get more involved now, with my first child at uni, who got a grant and no fees, I just let him get on with it, figured if he made mistakes he would learn. You just can't afford to do that now, you are looking at needing about £9,000 a year by my reckoning, for fees, food, accommodation etc. If they mess up it is one hell of a mess, this is why more parents get involved now because we fund alot of this money.

Oh I forgot job situation, when son was at uni he never had a problem with getting holiday work or work during term time but it is difficult at the moment. My daughter is lucky as she has a job waiting for her for the summer but she didn't manage to get a job at university, probably also depends where you are studying.

I visited some universities with her, some she went to buy herself, one she went to with friends. She went to all interviews herself. I thought taking an interest was normal. Obviously it was her decision, in fact she didn't go to the university I liked best, but that was her choice.

Valli

I went to Uni as a mature student in 2000 and was immensely cheered at the number of other mature students there for the interview process
then the lecturer telling us about the uni and the course invited the parents to leave
and all the 'other mature students' got up and walked out :rotfl:

andyrules

Rosie75 wrote: »

It's not surprising that parents are involved in their children's financial lives given that the funding system considers young people to be "dependent" on parents until the age of 25. I fully understand why parents come to open days, though it does make it difficult for staff to talk to prospective students since they are having to spend the whole time dealing with the many questions that parents have

Just for the record - I'm not referring to any posters on here, just my own experience.;)

Yes, agree. It is strange that at 16 many have EMA (to spend as they please - most I know don't contribute to the leccy bill or Tesco food shop:rolleyes:), yet at 18 they have to rely on parental handouts. Unless they they go and get a job.