So down :(

jack*tigger

Pack your OH's bags ! Seriously ! Leave them in the hall and tell him if he doesn't want to shape up he needs to ship out!

You need to stand up for yourself and tell him enough is enough. Looking after 1 baby is enough of a job without 2 more kids and a stroppy, insulting OH. When my DD was a babe I told my OH that I would take our DS to school, bring him back again and look after the baby. If any housework got done it was a bonus. He was cool with that. And as for bedroom antics - he had to wait until I had the energy.

You are doing a good job with the kids and you deserve some ME time as a reward. As someone else said you are the glue that holds the family together so you need to look after you.

Also have talked to the health visitor or doctor about baby not settling?? It could be colic or something along those lines. Or maybe you could see a osteopath - babies get a bit mangled up on the way out (IYSWIM) and need a few adjustments to sort them out.

Good luck ! Whatever happens please look after yourself and treat yourself with the respectt hat you deserve.

If you don't want to take anti-depressant have you tried the herbal tablets like Kalms - I found they took the esge off of things so I could think straight.

Keep swimming or exercising (once your op scar has healed) even if its just for the break from it all. Also try different Mother and Toddler groups until you find a group of people that you can get a long with. I went to a few but didn't "fit in" at all of them.

Minxy_Bella

Roxie - I left my ex when my youngest daughter (I have 3) was 11 months old because I was, like you are, an abused wife.

Your OH is a bully, pure and simple, and you are allowing him to control you, as I did with my ex.

Get the heckity heck out of that relationship, sweetheart as he's proven that he doesn't care about you (enough) from his flippant responses today. I feel so angry for you right now as it's brought back horrible memories for me.

I hope you can find the strength to get rid of him - your life will instantly improve as you won't be walking on eggshells all the time.

fav77

Roxie, I am so sorry you are going through all this at a time when you should be getting help and support from the man you love.
Please don't let him walk all over you, if he is allowed to get away with it he will never change - its human nature sadly.
You need to be concentrating on yourself and your boys right now, not massaging this person's ego (and back!!) while he insults you and chips away at your confidence - sorry if that is harsh, I am really cross on your behalf!
I really do wish you all the best - please remember that you are a strong and capable woman who has given life to three children, and that nobody on the planet has the right to belittle you
xxx

elisamoose

Ask your HV if there is a Homestart scheme in your area. They are trained volunteers who come in to the house and help in whatever way you wish . They will also accompany you to appointments etc to help with kids.

www.home-start.org.uk

xmaslolly76

Hey Roxie

Please be carefull how you borach this subject with your OH it is not unknown for men with his attitude to become violent when they are confronted by what they are doing and told you will no longer put up with such behavour. Before you say anything to him get everything in place so you have support and you can get away from him quickly if required. I must agree with one of the other posters you will be amazed at how quickly he turns into a blubering mess once he realises you mean business.

jenhug

should bring back public flogging, for men just like him!

Lunar_Eclipse

Roxie,

Sorry to hear you aren't having a good time at the moment. Big hugs. xx It will pass.

I haven't read the whole thread and am sure you will have had some good advice on the relationship front. I just wanted to say two things, based on my own experience and the benefit of hindsight with big babies, which may or may not be applicable to you right now:

1) Baby is hungry. At 10 weeks, my eldest and smallest baby was around 18lbs and started waking for feeding every two hours at night. I persevered against formula and weaning, but there was no doubt whatsoever that she was hungry. Vowed not to starve second (heavier and hungrier) baby so weaned her at 12 weeks; onto 3 big meals within a week. Happy baby and happy everyone else as a result. Interestingly, she often woke hungry in the night and would not settle at all without a bottle. This went on until she was about 8 months. Not every night, but she was hungry and after trying everything, we gave her milk quickly if she awoke (not every night) which did the trick and settled her in about 10 minutes. She is still a very hungry (very tall & active) child who can't sleep on an empty stomach; she constantly needs re-fuelling.

2) A dummy? Again these (horrible) tools can be a godsend at settling a baby. Hate them but used them, wished I had done it sooner (again with eldest!)

Do anything you can (within reason) to keep a happy baby. If you think your baby needs food, feed them. HTH.

RoxieW

hi everyone - just an update
thank you to everyone who supported me when i really needed it
Well, after a day of us not speaking to each other - me being too scared to open my mouth I suddenyl snapped and thought this is wrong, I shouldnt be too scared to confront my own husband. Anyway, so I did and it all came out. Big ding dong row followed by actually talking which was good. Some points were made such as that I get angry too which provokes him - only my angry is different to his - when he blows he really blows. But he said he hadnt realised how it was making me feel - that he is referring to the situation when he says stupid, pathetic etc not me - and that he doesnt feel that way about me, that he has nothing but respect for me and all I do in the house and lots of other nice things.
I told him how I've been feeling really down and he's said he'll do all that he can to help - I just have to tell him what I need so am going to show him the link I found from netmums. He also wants me to go to doctors.
Anyway, he's promised to try harder and I'm going to accept that for now. The last thing I want is for my boys to be without a dad, and to give up on my marriage because - for all that happened - that's really a snapshot of him at him worst and 99% of the time he isnt like that.
Thanks again for your support.

xmaslolly76

Congratulations Roxie i Hope things change for the better for you now. Goodluck for the future and come back and keep us updated on your progress we all like happy endings :-) x

Wee_Bargain_Hunter

Hey Roxie, It's really good to hear he's going to be more supportive and do more to help (maybe start him off on level 1 of the flyladies daily list over on Old Style ) Seriously though, it's a new start so well done on speaking up & sorting it out.