So down :(

RoxieW

big deal you'll have a scar on your previous cleavage

boooo !!!!in hooooo

also his response.

RoxieW

but yet - i'm the one overreacting as i suspected

RoxieW

now u see why i had reservations confronting him

RoxieW

his final word is that i'm ungrateful.

no wonder i normally keep my mouth shut eh?

xmaslolly76

OMG what a selfish, egotistical, arrogant, pathetic excuse for a man. Roxie in one sence he is right you do need to grow a pair of balls and once you have leave the jerk and show him what a strong and independant woman you are and that you dont need a little spitefull nasty weasel like him.

Sorry about the rant what i just read insensed me!

Jo_R_2

OMG:mad:

I've had so many thoughts whilst reading through this thread.

First... Roxie, people will treat you as you let them. I initially thought this centred around how your husband (sorry I think you said you were married?) was with the baby but it seems it's more to do with how he is with you and that impacts on how he is with baby.

How dare he think it's okay to 'talk' to you like that? Is he always like that? Sounds like someone wants to be top dog in your relationship and he has no qualms about letting you know that. Tbh I think you'd get much further if rather than pandering to him for a quiet life, you said how you felt. I think you'd get a lot more respect for it if he saw you meant what you said.

And if that means quite literally giving baby to him and saying, look, I've had enough, I'm not wonderwoman and I can't do this all on my own and I'm going to go and have 5 minutes, and if that makes me pathetic then hey that's me I don't care anymore, then so be it. Fight fire with water... or with fire if that doesn't work. The very few times I've had it out with OH with some choice words of how his behaviour is utterly ridiculous and I think he's deliberately doing it to upset me, he's been genuinely remorseful and admitted he's been a nob. If I shrug things off then he carries on because I think sometimes it really doesn't sink in that I'm properly serious.

And if it means sitting him down and saying you need help by him doing x, y and z or else you're going to go under, do it. He'll either man up or he won't. If not then you have to choose to get on with it yourself with him by your side or not. I'm sure if it came to it, telling him to temporarily pack his bags might be the kick up he backside he deserves.

Also I've found from my personal experience something similar coming from someone else also is like a smack across the face for a man living in blissful ignorance. It's often more real to have the doctor/health visitor telling OH how fragile you are and how they propose to help you than for you to struggle on asking for help and him conveniently not listening. Though I'd love to know what sort of kicks he's getting from calling you 'pathetic' - that honestly creeps me out and smacks of hin asserting his power in a very nasty way.

xmaslolly76

Thanks Jo thats was a much more constructive way to put things than i did. Either way i believe he is a bully and actually seems to be taking pleasure from the way he is treating her and Roxie you cannot allow that to continue as others have pointed out your sons will learn how to treat women from the behaviour of your husband.

princessamy86

What a bar steward! Roxie hun, you deserve better than this, there's loads of great advice on here and you know we'll all be here to help every step of the way, whatever happens. Tell you what though, the longer you put up with that kind of behaviour, the worse it will get.

valos_mummy

Read Rolo-Polo1965's thread "Leaving My Husband" (It's on page 4 of these forums, site won't let me post links!)

Then do yourself and your children the biggest favour of your lives and GET OUT. The links that people have put in that thread to various organisations would be very useful, and the CAB too. How DARE he treat you like that? The responses he sent to your emails were digusting. He wants nothing less than superwoman does he?! Well, he's going to be a very lonely man for the rest of his life, because she doesn't exist!!

He kicks off because when you ask that he pulls his finger out, your not being a subserviant little housefrau and he doesn't like it. But then you back down, so everythings okay again! Men like this make me sick. It's not a stable environment for your older boys, and I agree that they will grow up with the message that it's okay to treat women this way - after all, Mummy let Daddy do it! Well, don't let Daddy do it no longer! You're stronger than this, and it's time you let him have it in the balls with both barrells.

And you'll find that once you take the power back and get away from him, like rolo-polo did, all of a sudden he'll become a whiny frightened little boy again who has to resort to emotional blackmail and is all tears and I love yous. Because that's all these men are deep down, wimpy little boys. It's all bark and no balls. You deserve better than that, and so do your kids.

RoxieW

You are right. i'm sick of the way he speaks to me. he's called me an idiot, !!!!!!!!, pathetic and stupid - and thats just this week. thats from what i can remember. perhaps a hole as well. no wonder i have no confidence and am weak. i've had it. either he changes or he can leave. it's not what i want because i believe in 2 parent families but i've had enough of not being respected. you are right it is what my boys will learn.
i've known this problem all along - from a few wks into our relationship when he called me a !!!!!. but theres also alot to love about him and i do - he's affectionate and we have fun together. so i've put up with it. but i'm sick of it. it makes me feel worthless when i do everything for him, our family and house. i deserve to be shown respect.