So down :(

Sirbendy

I'd second giving him a kick, from the male viewpoint! I'm in theory expecting a new addition in November, and I've already said I'm happy to do whatever needs doing. I'm transport, cooking, cleaning and everything else at the second (morning sickness..mumble..), and whenever I take the mick about the feeling sick, I get "Tell you what. I'll kick you in the nuts, ram a football up your backside and make you push it out, then we'll see who's being "wimpy" shall we?"

Heh. It's all banter though - I'm of the opinion that since it's part me at "fault" as it were, I should do my bit. Any father that doesn't...well..a kick is the least they should get. Chin up.

hayleyc_2

It's difficult to know what to suggest because to be honest it sounds as though it's your partner who is the problem and not the baby. If I were in your situation, I would definitely bring the baby into bed with you. If he will happily fall asleep at the breast but just doesn't like being put down then you'll find he'll sleep a lot better next to you. Obviously there are safety aspects to consider, if either of you have smoked, taken drugs or alcohol then you can't co-sleep. Also the baby should not be under the duvet or on the pillow. It's so much easier to feed in bed and you won't have to be constantly up and down lifting your baby in and out of the cot. Perhaps if you make a deal with your partner to try co-sleeping for a week and see how it goes, then he might realise that you both get more sleep and his mood might improve! Don't be dictated to. If you're the one doing most of the work, then do it in the way that's easiest for you, not him.

I hope things improve for you, and wish you all the best.

Hayley

Capt._Caveman

Oh dear, your husband isn't coming across as very nice at all! I hesitate to ask what attracted you to him in the first place. I wonder where he got his ideas of fatherhood from? Was his own Dad as cruel as he is? You are going to have to control him or I can only see this getting worse.

Take care of your new baby and other sons and try to break this cycle of terrible behavior. I wish you strength at this tough time.

Wee_Bargain_Hunter

(((hugs))) Just wanted to say that I think you are doing an amazing job juggling all the bits of your life. It's hard to keep going if your tired & down but you are doing all the right things re getting out, getting exercise etc so well done you! I know you are tired and it's tempting to step off the treadmill but I've found that long-term keeping doing the exercise etc is helpful.

Re your friend, as you both have babies now, maybe accept that you are just going to be phone buddies for a while until things settle down? At least that way you'll still maintain contact and hopefully mutual support for each other.

An op is an op and Doctor's orders should be followed. I don't think it's vain to want to minimise scarring in an obvious place. I'd be trying everything!

Your husband is maybe missing his old life before the baby? Maybe it's worth swallowing your anger & try to create "us" time - maybe do something simple like bring him a cup of coffee and a biscuit etc a few times. The atmosphere maybe will soften after a bit of tlc and it may be easier to talk about where you both are. Maybe start to discuss what you each expect.

Mention why you think his friends are great. If you're like me, it'll be really hard to do without screaming at him but in my experience a good atmosphere and positive reinforcement works wonders. Can you speak to his friends partners? They might have some tips or could help with a babysitting circle? Seeing how his friends behaviour earn brownie points may encourage him to change! Maybe he thinks life is like it is in lads mags or like it is talked about in drinking sessions! A few family visits to his friends homes might enlighten him as to how people really live.

Remember you are the expert on you and you know how to deal with with any potential PND and awkward hubbies. Your tiredness is just knocking your confidence a bit.

Anyway feel free to ignore but good luck! I'll be sending positive vibes your way!

RoxieW

No his dad is fine. OH has patience/anger probs and will snap. If he's angry he thinks calling me a load of names is fine. Wont even apologise. Obv i have to apologise for being the one who made him angry in first place.
On the other hand he can be lovely, complimentary and affectionate. He also works hard to support us all financially. He's not all horrible although yesterday he was yet he asks me if I'm in a better mood today. i'm sure it will somehow be my fault. I'm already doubting myself thinking i'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

kimmi_b

Hi Roxie

Hopefully your hubby will see things from your point of view soon and start to help out more. I understand why you don't want to consider formula feeding at night to help baby sleep through, but have you considered expressing your breastmilk and bottle-feeding him that for the last 2 feeds?

My daughter was born early and very small so I was unable to breastfeed her sadly, but I did express for 12 weeks and bottlefed her that milk - by 7 weeks old she was having a good feed at 7.30 and another 'dream' feed at 10.30 (both given by my OH allowing me some 'me' time - aka early night!!). She would then sleep right through until 6.30 sometimes 7am.

Expressing does take some getting used to but it might be worth giving it a try - I only had a manual Avent pump and was still able to get about 7ozs off each boob at the height of production!

MrsAnnie

RoxieW wrote: »

OH has suggested though giving baby a bottle of formula last thing at night - he says he'll do it - in the hope that he'll sleep through better as this is what his friend has done and there baby sleeps better now. However, I've read into it and have read that the formula negates the benefits of breastfeeding as it causes bad bacteria in the gut instead of good so it seems like it's a no go.

TBH this doesn't sound like a bad idea. I did this with my two DDs and they turned our just fine . Can you speak to a health care worker about it and your concerns? As far as I understand formula takes longer for a baby to digest than breast milk therefore they do not get hungry again so quickly. Might be worth looking into especially since you are so frazzled with everything right now. It may ease your life a little where the baby is concerned.

RoxieW

"Your husband is maybe missing his old life before the baby? Maybe it's worth swallowing your anger & try to create "us" time - maybe do something simple like bring him a cup of coffee and a biscuit etc a few times. The atmosphere maybe will soften after a bit of tlc and it may be easier to talk about where you both are."

lol. This is what I try to do all the time. I cant stand tension or rows so I just let him do what he wants and do as much as I can for him - run him baths when he gets in from football, chat to him about his day. I dont want things to crumble so I try my best with him. It just doesnt feel like I'm getting it back and even that he respects me less for it.

"Your tiredness is just knocking your confidence a bit."

Yes you are right. I dont have the energy to stand up for myself. It's easier to go along with what he says.

Baby has been napping for an hour now so I feel much better for having my lunch and a break and for the support on here. Thanks

RoxieW

trouble with the bottles idea is that we've tried to bottle feed expressed milk - I went out for a meal for a friends birthday - and got a call half way through my dinner because he just wouldnt take it. I've tried with him since and he just screams and screams. Took it in the end but it took an hour and half. That stress on top of additional bottle washing/sterilising may just make it more hassle and effort and that I really cant face. That on top of some of the negatives i've read about formula cancelling out breastmilk benefits have put me off the idea a bit.
I will mention to health visitor though and see what she thinks.

nickyhutch

I have to ask... why on EARTH are you with this man?