So down :(

MrsAnnie

Being a mum IS the hardest job in the world!

I agree that maybe you should speak to your GP about how you are feeling before it gets any worse.

Also, we women are not an island and can not trudge on alone. Are there friends or family that can help out? If it is for one hour or half a day every little bit will help you. They could help you out with the baby or the housework or look after the baby while you catch a bit of sleep. Sometimes some DHs aren't very good with babies - I am not excusing your DH behavoiur towards you - but friends that have had children usually have 'been there done that' and are more in tune with what needs to be done. And friends are always willing to help out.

Hope life gets better soon x

Liney_2

Oh gosh what a sad tale - I know that when you have a real lack of sleep it is impossible to cope and its so easy to breakdown.
I do hope you and your hubby can have a talk about this you need some 'me time'
Do you have a friend you can talk to?
Also I had a mole removed on the side of my boob too - it has taken a while but it has faded to a silvery line with a few dots either side so try not to be too dispondent about that.
Good luck and I hope little one sleeps tonight.

Pee

Thank you for posting this and being honest. It lets some of us know what we'll be in for, and it seems to be quite normal to feel something like this, read some other threads, you are def not on your own.

I agree you need to communicate with your OH what you expect from him, and appreciate that's a lot easier to say than to do.

I think one of the pressures on a new father is the concern about providing financially for a family. We are living in difficult times and everyone let alone new fathers are stressing about their jobs, my guess is that he doesn't feel able to take the time off. Of course this doesn't mean that he shouldn't be supporting you in other ways and the operation must have been scary for you, and of course you couldn't have done it with a baby in tow.

Sometimes I feel my boyfriend is being critical of me and get upset and when we actually discuss it rationally, he isn't critising, I'm just being defensive and this usually happens the same time every month... so maybe hormones are assisting in this misunderstanding.

I hope he makes you feel loved and appreciated soon.

candice56

Im so sorry to hear your story, you may well already be feeling a bit better by getting off your chest but I agree with the previous posters, it wont hurt to tell your gp when you go that you are feeling very low and I often show my hubby posts on here that i think relate to something im worrying about, it can help for them to read it.

If his reaction is that you are pathetic then maybe some time apart wouldnt hurt either....i would hate it if any of my partners had given me that type of attitude.

This is just my opinion of course so take from it what you will, the sooner you address it the better though otherwise you may find your dark place getting darker and your baby and other kids will notice.

hth xxx and good luck

RoxieW

Hi all
Thanks for the replies.
I had postnatal depression both times with my sons previously - very bad with my first son, developed into OCD. I can feel myself sliding again though dont feel that the gp can help me. I really dont want to go onto antidepressants and dont have the time to myself to go to counselling.
There's no family nearby and no friends that I can rely on. I did have one friend but she seems to have found herself a new friend who's always there or they're doing something together. She also has a baby herslef so I'd only ask her if desperate ie when I have my smear/coil.
To be fair - hubby has been quite good so far - much better then when other two were born - and does have baby as I have started to go swimming/pilates twice a week to try to get in shape. I've been enjoying that immensley - though now I cant go for 4/6 weeks Although he does play football twice a week and now wants to go to gym twice a week too so he couldnt complain. I've also been trying to stay sociable as am aware that isolating myself from people and going out makes things worse - so have been out for a couple of meals with friends. I have something planned once a week for the next few weeks so am going to try to stick to them even though I just feel like holing up at the minute. Not that holing up is an option as I have to take the boys to school/swimming/football as well as all the housework cooking cleaning etc. probably for the best that I have lots to do but I'm just so knackered all the time.
If I show hubby this he'll probably get angry or think I'm being stupid/pathtic. I think he thinks PND is an excuse for getting upset/being lazy/asking him to do more. At the minute the slightest thing is making me cry/get upset. I sometimes think I'm heading for a nervous breakdown and then what would he do? Have to take more than a day off work I imagine.
I suppose all I really wanted was for him to pick up the slack yesterday but, never mind a day off work, he didnt even help me when he was here. I was constantly having to get baby in and out of his cot to see to him. But by then I darent even ask him or complain because I've already been branded pathetic for daring to suggest he have a day off to help me.
Just put the baby down to sleep as he's tired and fell asleep at breast but he's screaming again now

sarahreader

Roxie so sorry to hear this, you need lots of hugs and rest. This is temporary, you are at a low point now because of extreme tiredness, health problems and exhaustion. You need support, it should be your OH and they should step up to the plate and be there for you but in reality not all of them do (mine never did). Can anyone help give you a break - relative or friend?

I know this is obvious but I'll say it anyway because when we're at a low point we sometimes don't see it - It is going to get better. Baby will sleep more soon, you'll be able to get more sleep and your health will improve. Lack of sleep can be a cause of depression so this should be a priority.

You are coping great and are getting little help by the sounds of it. Sometimes OH's don't realise how difficult it is being on call 24/7 and need to be shown the reality of it, could he look after the baby while you get a break at the weekend?

((hugs))
Sarah

mummy_Jay

Talk to your heath visitor, they sometimes have schemes where you can have someone come and help for a few hours.

Your OH needs a talking to but with all the tireness you may not be feeling up to it, maybe a friend or family member could help broach the subject? His behavour is not acceptable and neither is the way he is talking to you. You are not a single mum, therefore he has to do his share. Those of us who are single mums work all day then come home to sort house and look after the kids, there is no reason a man can't do stuff just because they work, that him just being lazy.

Someone else suggested having baby in the bed with you, it really helps when your breast feeding (baby sleeps better and so do you) and if you put OH on the sofa for a few nights, you'd be able to really catch up on your sleep without him getting 'hopeful'. It's worth thinking about.

After having a baby your body takes 6 months to heal, but to also have an op in that time, add lack of sleep your body is drained, are you taking any vitamin suppliments. You need to look after yourself.

RoxieW

OH wont sleep on the sofa and the other night because I fed baby in our bed then as he was sleeping I just let him sleep there I got told off by OH and poked in the head a couple of times ie 'naughy, naughty'. When I poked him back accidentally scratching him i got called an effing idiot, a !!!!!!!!, etc etc.

OH has suggested though giving baby a bottle of formula last thing at night - he says he'll do it - in the hope that he'll sleep through better as this is what his friend has done and there baby sleeps better now. However, I've read into it and have read that the formula negates the benefits of breastfeeding as it causes bad bacteria in the gut instead of good so it seems like it's a no go.

PS, the 'op' was nothing more than a mole removal - I dont want to make it seem more dramatic than it was. It's just that being in a prominent place I really wanted to minimise the scarring where possible and be able to follow the dr's advice for at least a few days. but fair enough, he had a meeting. It wasnt that that upset me - it was the way in which I was apparantly ridiculaous and pathetic for asking such a big favour. That he's done me a favour using up one of 'his' days off to take me and really why couldnt I have just gone on the bus and taken the baby in with me. Should have nursed him whilst having it done really. Perhaps i could also balance a coconut on my head at the same time.
I'm trying really hard to keep on top of everything - to keep the house and cook and still give the boys the attention they need ie homework, taking them to various clubs, reading with them, as well as looking after the baby - oh, and get myself into shape, make an effort with my appearance and keep up the bedroom antics as apparantly that going off the boil is a 'dealbreaker' I've been told before by OH when he went 4 days without. I feel like somethings going to give and unfortunately that will prob be the 'me' time I've been having going swimming or out with a friend as by the time I've done tea, cleaned and tidied, then give the baby a feed before I go, all I want to do is flop.

xmaslolly76

Hiya Op

Big huggs from me firstly.

Secondly sounds like your other half needs a kick in the pants how dare he call you pathetic you are tired and exhausted your going through worry about your health and all he can do is put you down im sorry but he is the one who is being pathetic and wants to start acting like a real man. Do you express your milk? if so express enough for baby to keep him happy for a few hrs one evening then once hubby is back tell him your going to your parents/ friends as you need to get out the house, dont wait for him to argue or protest just go.

ONce you have had a few hrs away and time to clear your head and straighten your thoughts you can then sit down with hubby and talk properly. DO NOT LET him keep insulting you if he does he obviously has no respect for you as a wife or mother and it may be time to decide if this man is the one you want spend the rest of your life with.

I hope it all works out for you
:-) x

RoxieW

you are right he has no respect for me. He;s never treated me with respect. I wonder what I've done wrong? I've become weak because I've realised there's no winning an arguement with him. Because alot of his friends have had babies around this time and they're not allowed out or to play football or they take shifts with the baby at night he says he will, all I have to do is say. But I've learnt from experience that asking him not to do something that he wants to do would be met with nothing but a huge arguement and I just havent got the energy. Same as trying to force him out of bed to help during the night. I just havent got the energy it's easier to do it myself. Especially as trying to wake him is usually accompanied by a mouthful of abuse (from him).
What really annoys me though is when he's complaining that he's tired/achy or whatever. Thing is i'll offer to give him a massage if he's aching yet all the way through pregnancy I had chronic back pain and never once did he offer. I'm always trying to please- always trying to be good enough - to be perfect. Yet he has no respect for me.
A bit of tlc, genuine affection, thought and attention from him would really make me feel much better. But it's too much effort for him.