Daughter lying about boys, keeping secrets

Glen0000

gibboelli wrote: »

Couldnt agree with this more, I'd be far more horrified that my mother reading my MSN history and would make me tell them even less. Whats wrong with 13 and 14 year olds kissing? They're teenagers, I think some kissing is alot less concerning then smoking/taking drugs/ racking up asbo's. If doing something as innocent as kissing a boy you like gets this reaction no wonder she doesnt tell you anything!

Kissing is normal, yes, but alone in a room? If I had a girl in my room at 14, my mum would have strung me up by my balls!

There has been no reaction from us yet, we are looking for advice on how best to react. "Do nothing" seems to be what we are hearing.

Poppy9

I'm confused. You were originally concerned that she showed no interest in boys to you and now you found out she does in fact like boys it's an issue.

I'm not surprised she didn't tell you when the the boy's mother so upset that she grounded him and you are good friends.

Why is the boy's mother so upset. Is it because it was in a bedroom?

I wouldn't admit that you've checked her MSN history as she will be embarassed and upset that you've read too much of her personal life.

I would talk to her about what his mother said as she will be waiting for the fallout. However I would stay calm and just ask her if she likes him, how long she's been seeing him etc. Let her know it's okay to have a boyfriend etc. If you haven't already had the sex talk and how girls can feel under pressure and get into situations they are not mature enough to handle, now is a good time. Point out to her that going into a boy's bedroom might be seen as a green light for a boy and it's not fair on either of them as they are both still young and that you will not allow them to go into her bedroom in your house and this boy's mother doesn't want it to happen in her house.

Personally I wouldn't let them date solo at 13 but would be okay at double dating as I think it takes the pressure off and gives them space to cope with new emotions, situations. That's just my opinion though and I'm sure you will judge what's right based on your DD.

robpw2

glen i think your doing the right thing its just the bit about her being in his room i would have problem with and thats down to the other parents allowing it ..

Glamazon

Glen0000 wrote: »

Kissing is normal, yes, but alone in a room? If I had a girl in my room at 14, my mum would have strung me up by my balls!

There has been no reaction from us yet, we are looking for advice on how best to react. "Do nothing" seems to be what we are hearing.

Things have changed alot though and what was unacceptable then is now. Not condoning it - just explaining how things are.

I wouldn't react - I don't think there's anything to react to, just a young girl growing up.

robpw2

Glamazon wrote: »

Things have changed alot though and what was unacceptable then is now. Not condoning it - just explaining how things are.
.

yes and this is why we have such a high teenage pregnancy rate ..

gibboelli

Yeah, alone seems normal to me. Not sure teenagers really want to be having a huge snogging session in front of their parents, not 100% sure I'd really want to watch either as a parent! If the girl doesnt want to talk about it with you I doubt she'd be very comfortable kissing in full view of the guys parents either!

gibboelli

robpw2 wrote: »

yes and this is why we have such a high teenage pregnancy rate ..

I dont think thats really comparable to two teenagers having a sneaky snog in his room..?

foreign_correspondent

Glen0000 wrote: »

Kissing is normal, yes, but alone in a room?

Kissing is sort of a private act though isnt it...? Where should they do it - where would be appropriate? Would you prefer her to be snogging him on a street corner? In front of you?

Just bear in mind that if she feels she loves him, he will be very important to her, and her feelings are very personal and very easily hurt at that age. Getting angry about it will drive her towards hiding more from you, as will letting on that you have snooped on her MSN. First love is often a bitter-sweet experience.

Oldernotwiser

Glamazon wrote: »

Things have changed alot though and what was unacceptable then is now. Not condoning it - just explaining how things are.

.

But it isn't necessarily acceptable, it isn't to Glenn and it isn't to the boy's mother! That's what counts.

scubaangel

I think with regard to her having been in his room its down to where would you rather she was?
Out in a park/street or in the family home - be it his our yours? I would imagine you or his parents are more able to supervise in a home, but could you ban them from being in bedrooms in favour of being alone in a separate sitting room type arrangement?