Do you have to get on with in-laws for a relationship to be successful?

myrnahaz

My Inlaws have 3 sons, each with 2 kids (one girl & one boy) and all the boys are treated like royalty and the girls are targets for their nasty comments. They used to tell my daughter she couldn't have dessert as she'd get too fat, then they'd offer second helpings to her brother. They also offered to pay for the boys to go to private school but changed their minds when we all said we wouldn't send our DD's to the local comprehensive - they said they couldn't afford to pay for the girls because it would be a poor investment!! MIL is of the opinion that girls are pointless and don't need educating because they'll just get married!! One of my nieces is gay, so she'll never find Mr Right, (but we haven't told MIL, lol!)
DD barely spoke to her Gran for years but is starting to feel guilty now - yet it wasn't her fault, so that makes me more cross with the in-laws.
We don't treat our own families like the in-laws treated us, and our kids and grandchildren have all stayed loving and close to us, so horrid in-laws needn't affect your own family's relationship.

beverleyhills

Depends whether your partner has cut the cord yet.
If yes, you will be alright. If not, it will continue to cause you grief.

belfastgirl23

gibboelli wrote: »

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

But some day these people might be grandparents to your children so it's better for all concerned if you can find a way to get along with them...
QUOTE]

Dont really agree with that. Why should you have to appease people that are horrid to you just because they may be grandparents one day? Kids arent stupid, they're gonna realise that Nan and Grandad dispise Mum and thats not a very nice situation for them to be in. I also know that my MIL to be tells her little 5 year grandson that his father is a waste of space and a looser so my kids wont be anywhere near her!

Though I have to agree that OP's grievence isnt that huge in the grand scheme of things, at least the in laws arent making her life a total misery, just being a pain in the a$$ :rotfl:

I was figuring her ILs don't sound that bad and sometimes someone who isn't especially good at being a mother (or MIL) can actually make a brilliant grandparent. And unless they are really being deliberately horrible I reckon it's worth trying to put little niggles aside....but your niggles sound a lot worse giboelli

jellyhead

Maybe they'd already mentioned the party, or thought he'd expect it if it's a regular thing like a birthday?

Glamazon

Personally I would keep your mouth shut, try your hardest to be nice as pie and don't rock the boat - it will be better in the long run!
Let them be the awkwards ones not u!

I get on pretty well with my in laws but in small doses. Me and FIL have very similar personalities so do often clash - like the other day he was taking the mick out of my OCD (checking plugs are off, gas off, dorrs locked etc) and laughing at me. I politely asked him to stop as I didn't think it was funny, this made him laugh even more. The more I tried to explain the worse it got - cue full blown argument!

The next day I acted like nothing had happened but he carried on being moody until about lunchtime - I left him to it!

They don't live close so we only see them for a few days at a time. I think now if I had just kept my mouth shut, it would have blown over but I didn't. Instead OH was angry with me for starting an argument when I should have laughed it off and walked away

patchwork_cat

gibboelli wrote: »

Tell me about it!!!! Think every guy I know's mother loves them in the wrong way! :S

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WHAT??? Are you suggesting that every mother has a reverse Oedipus complex? I am a mother and would like to point out that is wrong. However do I want my children, both a DS and DD, to marry or settle with someone worthy of them, yes. Do I think they are better people than other people do and therefore need excellent partners, possibly, yes.

However I have been on the other end with my FIL who hated me. Probably nothing to do with me, but taking away his son who would fish with him and go to the footie every sat, but suddenly had a life and wasn't at his beck and call all the time. Very selfish person my FIL, as a parent I know that if child isn't around all the time I have been succesful in raising them.

gibboelli

patchwork_cat wrote: »

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WHAT??? Are you suggesting that every mother has a reverse Oedipus complex? I am a mother and would like to point out that is wrong. However do I want my children, both a DS and DD, to marry or settle with someone worthy of them, yes. Do I think they are better people than other people do and therefore need excellent partners, possibly, yes.

However I have been on the other end with my FIL who hated me. Probably nothing to do with me, but taking away his son who would fish with him and go to the footie every sat, but suddenly had a life and wasn't at his beck and call all the time. Very selfish person my FIL, as a parent I know that if child isn't around all the time I have been succesful in raising them.

Dont worry, I didnt mean it about every mother and son- just every one I know. I've never met a guy who didnt have a mother who had VERY strange attitude toward him. I do find it very disturbing, as lots of the guys i know have sisters aswell and they arent treated the same way. Very creepy!!!

Unfortunately I cant just rule the MIL to be's attitude as being over protective, as when it wasnt working putting me down, she tried to make out that my OH wasnt good enough for me! Quote: "How did you manage to find a girl that pretty? It'll never last, look at yourself. And she's way too clever for you"

Delightful huh?

Jomo

lexilex wrote: »

Today my boyfriends step-dad text him telling him they were having a party at the weekend and telling him what time to get there.

This is one of those things were the more I think about it, the more it is peeing me off. How rude just tell us where we have to be. What if he was working or had plans. It's just got me thinking

I don't really like my boyfriends mum and step-dad. To sum up his mum's really fussy, drinks too much and doesn't care how much it upsets her kids, and is false. I also don't appreciate her calling me boyfriend's ex's name when we have been together 4 years. :rolleyes: There's just things his step-dad does that also annoy me, like the text above. I spent time with them when I have to, but that's it, we will never be best friends. I just tolerate them.

I was thinking, if there's any chance of me and my boyfriend been 'together forever' do I need to be able to get on with his parents. I get on with his Dads side great, it's just him Mum and step Dad. Hopefully soon we'll have our own place, so they'll be coming round more (we both live at my parents house at the mo) and I won't have a choice but to spend time with them, wheras at the moment it's up to me whether I decide to visit. Then if we had kids, they would be an even bigger part of my life.

Hmmm, maybe I've just been thinking too much and have too much time on my hands.

I think it goes both ways, what would you think if your OH started to complain about having to live with your parents etc. I'm sure he is having to put in some effort as well.

It is infamously rare to find yourself in a perfect situation whereby everybody gets on but it's alot easier if people make an effort to be civil, especially within families.

LouBlue

gibboelli wrote: »

Dont worry, I didnt mean it about every mother and son- just every one I know. I've never met a guy who didnt have a mother who had VERY strange attitude toward him. I do find it very disturbing, as lots of the guys i know have sisters aswell and they arent treated the same way. Very creepy!!!

Same here with MIL to be. When he moved in with me, 50 miles away from her, she kept trying to put me off, saying how messy and lazy he was. He wasn't. She isn't a bad person but she treats him like her little boy (he is 32). Luckily, as she is 50 miles away, we don't see her that often,. At first, I did used to rant and rave at OH about how she drove me nuts and she was suffocating him, but my sis pointed out that she is his mum, and it would eventually drive a wedge between us, and she was right, so I do make an effort when I see her, and don't make it an issue between me and OH so things are fine. I have learnt how to handle the situation.

Glamazon

LouBlue wrote: »

Same here with MIL to be. When he moved in with me, 50 miles away from her, she kept trying to put me off, saying how messy and lazy he was. He wasn't. She isn't a bad person but she treats him like her little boy (he is 32). Luckily, as she is 50 miles away, we don't see her that often,. At first, I did used to rant and rave at OH about how she drove me nuts and she was suffocating him, but my sis pointed out that she is his mum, and it would eventually drive a wedge between us, and she was right, so I do make an effort when I see her, and don't make it an issue between me and OH so things are fine. I have learnt how to handle the situation.

Must be a trend - before OH got with me at 18 he had never lifted a finger or even bothered to learn how to drive! The minute he's finished a drink, it's removed from his hand, washed, dried and put away.

I left her to it but when he moved in with me he got a shock - if he wants to leave his socks on the floor carry on it doesn't bother me!

Now, his mum drives him nuts when she comes to ours. 'I can do that myself' cue 60 seconds later and he's not done it '!!!!!! will you just leave it, I said I will do it when I'm ready'.

I just sit there and silently snigger to myself - and think about how my roast dinners are sooooooooooooooooo much better than hers according to OH and FIL :rotfl: