Do you have to get on with in-laws for a relationship to be successful?

lexilex

Today my boyfriends step-dad text him telling him they were having a party at the weekend and telling him what time to get there.

This is one of those things were the more I think about it, the more it is peeing me off. How rude just tell us where we have to be. What if he was working or had plans. It's just got me thinking

I don't really like my boyfriends mum and step-dad. To sum up his mum's really fussy, drinks too much and doesn't care how much it upsets her kids, and is false. I also don't appreciate her calling me boyfriend's ex's name when we have been together 4 years. :rolleyes: There's just things his step-dad does that also annoy me, like the text above. I spent time with them when I have to, but that's it, we will never be best friends. I just tolerate them.

I was thinking, if there's any chance of me and my boyfriend been 'together forever' do I need to be able to get on with his parents. I get on with his Dads side great, it's just him Mum and step Dad. Hopefully soon we'll have our own place, so they'll be coming round more (we both live at my parents house at the mo) and I won't have a choice but to spend time with them, wheras at the moment it's up to me whether I decide to visit. Then if we had kids, they would be an even bigger part of my life.

Hmmm, maybe I've just been thinking too much and have too much time on my hands.

beccam

It's not really important so long as you can keep your feeling to yourself.
I have suffered many a bleeding tongue when spending time with MIL, shes a nice enough woman with good intentions but she annoys the hell of out me!

Would never tell hubs that or say a bad word about her to him but my visits to her are not very frequent.

Morglin

No, you don't have to get on with them, I fell out with my ex MIL before the wedding (which she wasn't invited to!), and didn't speak to her for 26 years, because she was an evil old bag, and I couldn't be bothered with her.

(My marriage did bust after 30 years, but nothing to do with me not talking to his mother.)

If they're not too bad, I would just be polite, but if it reaches a point where you really cannot stand any more, just ignore her - your BF can see her on his own.

Lin

creased-leach

Nope, it's not necessary. However, never try to interfere between your BF and his parents- even if they have been a*seholes. My MIL tried for years to cause problems & split us up, whilst pretending to be a saint.

I saw what she was up to at the off- if I'd said anything, I would have been accused of stirring. I kept schtum. I decided to play her at her own game, and I knew it would be a long one. It took years but I let her have the rope & in time she hung herself. People saw her for what she was, and I kept my dignity.

pinkshoes

You don't HAVE to get on with them, but it does help.

It's ok for him to critisize them, but never critisize them yourself.

They probably don't mean any harm and are not doing it maliciously, so just tolerate it, be polite etc... and if you really do have plans and can't make it, then just say so.

Evansangel

creased-leach wrote: »

I let her have the rope & in time she hung herself.

My new favourite quote :rotfl: x

marshmallows

I hope not as although i like mil i can only cope with her in small doses, she also makes plans for me and hubby and it drives me mental as we are old enough to make our own plans. Answering invitiations to family events for us is the worst thing, maybe i didnt want to go to my mils great great aunts dog walkers baby shower

lexilex

I'm glad I posted this now as I was all ready to tell my boyfriend exactly what I thought of his step-dad making plans for us Not a good idea now I think about it.

His mum is okay is small doses, when she isn't drunk and behaving like a child :rolleyes:

The final straw was when I bought her a Eeyore teddy (she's a bit obsessed) for christmas a couple of years ago (not cheap!) to go round there and find the dog with it in her mouth :mad: She tried making excuses, just plain rude.

I'll just tolerate them for now. When we get our own place (which will be in about twenty years time when i've finally saved up enought for a deposit ) I'll just hide when she comes round

Mini_Bear

hmmmmmm its quite odd that ur boyfriends step dad sort of orders u around. my mil and fil will ask us if we are busy if theres a family party on, and ask whether we want a lift there, but thats all. we are usually so busy at weekds but try 2 fit everythin in.
secret to a happy relationship with ur partners parents is to find ones that are exactly like yours (only works if u like ur own parents). my partner and i are off on friday to centre parcs with his parents as they had him wen they were 20 they are pretty young and sporty which is also great!
good luck OP, perhaps speak to your boyfirend about how his parents treat him (ie do they have reasons to treat him like a child still and order him around etc)?

Gavin83

Depends on your partners relationship with them I guess. My girlfriend and her family are really close, if they didn't like me from the start I think it would have been the end of us. Now it probably wouldn't be as bad though.

lexilex

Mini_Bear wrote: »

hmmmmmm its quite odd that ur boyfriends step dad sort of orders u around. my mil and fil will ask us if we are busy if theres a family party on, and ask whether we want a lift there, but thats all. we are usually so busy at weekds but try 2 fit everythin in.
secret to a happy relationship with ur partners parents is to find ones that are exactly like yours (only works if u like ur own parents). my partner and i are off on friday to centre parcs with his parents as they had him wen they were 20 they are pretty young and sporty which is also great!
good luck OP, perhaps speak to your boyfirend about how his parents treat him (ie do they have reasons to treat him like a child still and order him around etc)?

I am thinking about saying I can't go 'cos I have loads of uni work on, with deadlines next week, but I'll only end up looking like the bad one.

I would love to get on with his parents, both sides, it's just never going to happen I don't think.