Do you have to get on with in-laws for a relationship to be successful?

lostinrates

lexilex wrote: »

The final straw was when I bought her a Eeyore teddy (she's a bit obsessed) for christmas a couple of years ago (not cheap!) to go round there and find the dog with it in her mouth :mad: She tried making excuses, just plain rude.

Our cats and dogs get our best things: sometimes they take them, someimes we give them to them because we love them and it pleases us. I can see why its insulting, but it needed automatically be.

I have no mil, she died before I met DH, but I wish she hadn't. I'd pu up with a mad mil if it meant DH had a mother for longer. My relationship wih other i laws is based on polite avidance, which is really sad for everyone. I'd give a lot to have a really great relationship with in laws for DH's sake. Really, try and make it work if you can. On evenings when avoidance doesn't work wetend to go somewhere where I'm more caught up in whats going on/the food/other people/the music than anything going on with DH's family and I fix a smile. If all else fails DH buys me a mojito, which I now reserve and never drink at other times: its my reward to myself for good in law relations.

gibboelli

My in laws to be hate me and they've only met me once! I've been called every name under the sun, she threatened to throw him out when she was told we're getting married next year. She refuses to come to wedding as "she cant watch while her son throws his life away to a wh*re"

Thankfully my OH has lived with it his entire life so isnt exactly really close to his mother. As soon as he moves to England with me (in the army- trust me to pick one across a sea:P) he intends to stop contact with her. After 20 years or being treated like dirt and then for her to constantly insult his future wife he cant wait to be rid of her. I'm very glad as it really does hurt him when she is so foul.

rosyw

My mil hated me! she would have hated anyone who was with "her" boy. Our relationship lasted because we wanted to be together, and when the kids came along - against HER wishes- she had to put up with it. If you want to be with someone, don't let their family spoil tghings for you, but be careful not to say much against them to your boyfriend, my OH knew how things stood between me and mil, but it didn't stop us sharing 34 happy years together until he passed away a few months ago.

SugarSpun

I think it depends on the relationship you have with your OH. My ex and I split in part because his mother was a ravening witch of epic, pathological proportions and he wasn't prepared to defend me to her. If your OH is understanding and you can find a compromise on how to behave around them/how to politely avoid them/what circumstances they're not welcome in, you should be fine.

socrates

The only overall point I will make is - all of these posts teach us one thing.

Try not to be the horrid person being discussed when you are older.

i.e. make sure your kids and their partners do not feel the same way about you

Dont make the same mistakes your parents or in-laws do with your own kids.....

belfastgirl23

some people have had very bad experiences with in-laws so invariably when someone posts about being driven mad by them they get a lot of 'you go girl' type posts.

But to be honest lexilex your grievances sound fairly minor in the scheme of things. Being told what time a party is starting at is pretty much common sense isn't it? And guiltily I must admit that I have slipped up with the partners names thing with friends, although very luckily not to the person's face (touch wood!). I'd actually say it's worth working on what you like about them and focusing on this. It's very easy to fall into a trap of seeing the bad in people and sometimes that is all there is to see. But some day these people might be grandparents to your children so it's better for all concerned if you can find a way to get along with them...

edited to say though make sure if/when you get your own place, you set clear ground rules about the drop in or visiting situation. Do it nicely but make it very apparent!

Georgie4

I agree - just make sure you are not the one saying she said this or she said that ! Just keep any contact you have with them to a minimum - I think there is a bit of an odd relationship between some women and their sons , they just won't let go. Just focus on the fact that you will be around longer than them in the end

roswell

lexilex wrote: »

(we both live at my parents house at the mo)

Thier is nothing to say he doesnt feel exactly the same way about his inlaws :rotfl:

gibboelli

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

But some day these people might be grandparents to your children so it's better for all concerned if you can find a way to get along with them...
QUOTE]

Dont really agree with that. Why should you have to appease people that are horrid to you just because they may be grandparents one day? Kids arent stupid, they're gonna realise that Nan and Grandad dispise Mum and thats not a very nice situation for them to be in. I also know that my MIL to be tells her little 5 year grandson that his father is a waste of space and a looser so my kids wont be anywhere near her!

Though I have to agree that OP's grievence isnt that huge in the grand scheme of things, at least the in laws arent making her life a total misery, just being a pain in the a$$ :rotfl:

gibboelli

Georgie4 wrote: »

I agree - just make sure you are not the one saying she said this or she said that ! Just keep any contact you have with them to a minimum - I think there is a bit of an odd relationship between some women and their sons , they just won't let go. Just focus on the fact that you will be around longer than them in the end

Tell me about it!!!! Think every guy I know's mother loves them in the wrong way! :S