When to start dating again?

wept

Taye

Please don't show Dave this thread ever, the dungaree wearing brigade on here have him down as a !!!!!, sex pest, stalking, demented overpaid obsessed tool!
You have met a bloke who has shown you nothing but kindness so far, so he has tried his hand on a couple of occasions, so what he is a man. I would of in exactly the same way if not harder as most blokes would.
I think you should be happy that he has and that you are still attractive with all your baggage and issues you have clearly expressed on here.
So what if he is moving too fast...he can slow down if you tell him to and guide him.
If you end this now having gone so far will this not put an extra obstacle in the way next time?
Keep going and give him a chance he is a decent bloke and there are quite a few of us about you know despite what some have written on here. I wonder if a few want this to fail so they can contine there sad lonely existence in company.

bunty109

Taye, I have this feeling that whatever happened on the phone that you'll be seeing Dave this weekend. I really don't think he's going to let you walk away as he obviously really likes you.

I won't condemn you for calling it day with him, but I think maybe you should give him another chance as I do worry you'll go back to how things were before he showed an interest and that's not good for you!!!

mumofjusttwo

Maybe you should see him at the weekend. You can see how slow he takes it over the weekend. If he tries to rush you in any way then you know that he isn't really able to go at the speed that you are setting.

Although please remember that he isn't physic so if one minute you are happy in a situation and the next minute you feel rushed then remember he is trying to work through it too.

I just hope that if you break it off that you don't regret it and wander 'what if'

You seem so much more confident since the start of this thread and that can only be a good thing so there are lots of positives that have come from this whatever you decide.

jinky67

Taye wrote: »

Well i spoke to him last night on the phone, i think i managed to call things off though it's hard to tell most of the conversation was spent with me in tears and him utterly confused.

to sum up i think it pretty much involved a 2 hours phone conversation where i cried and ranted at him down the phone, split up with him, got back wih him on the condition that he slowed the F**K down, split up with him again , got back together ...... erm add more ranting and crying ... then i sort of lost track so i have no idea if were together or not!

I know he want's to move our weekend together up to this weekend, his reasoning is that we can sit down talk and sort things out without the "stress hassle and disruptions" of the kids etc and maybe out of the home enviroment we can work out what the hell we (meaning me) want and the speed at which to take it ... or not take it as the case maybe.

been there done that:cool:

but I do think he has a point, face to face is always better than over the phone. But you need to spell out to him EXACTLY what you mean by taking it slow or at your pace, sometimes men are a bit slow on the uptake:rolleyes::p

What ever happens, if I were you, I wouldnt wanna lose his friendship anyway

skintmumof3

taye,
do you think you should be careful about how much info you post on this thread???
as its over 35,000 views, is there a possibility that someone may recognise you, dave, or your situation???
just a thought hun..
take care
skint
x

barnaby-bear

Taye wrote: »

to sum up i think it pretty much involved a 2 hours phone conversation where i cried and ranted at him down the phone, split up with him, got back wih him on the condition that he slowed the F**K down, split up with him again , got back together ...... erm add more ranting and crying ... then i sort of lost track so i have no idea if were together or not!

I know he want's to move our weekend together up to this weekend, his reasoning is that we can sit down talk and sort things out without the "stress hassle and disruptions" of the kids etc and maybe out of the home enviroment we can work out what the hell we (meaning me) want and the speed at which to take it ... or not take it as the case maybe.

Everything seems really heavy and like you're a married couple hitting problems and all the big life issues.

At the end of the day do you like spending time with this guy? Do you have fun, butterflies, look forward to seeing him..... if so rewind - go workout together a bit, go to a theme park - enjoy each others company rather than talk about a pretty non-existant relationship and what could be..... agree for him to pay for a babysitter (A CRB checked one for all those concerned) so you can go out together, send your kids to a evening class or scouts once a week so you get 2 hours off to spend with whoever, contact Gingerbread or similar. You've got to replace the angst of the past and regarding this 'relationship' with something else.... if you want to give it a shot with Dave marginalise the angst by doing something lighter/for yourself.

kate1976

Taye big hugs to you!

I really can't add anymore than others have said (the nice posts that is, not the over the top ones) just do what will make you happy, if you're seeing him this weekend, maybe you could send him a nice long email setting ground rules and pace that you're happy with!

Be happy Taye, that's all that matters! Take care and stop beating yourself up about things! xx

audbod38

Ive been following this thread for a while now but never posted before, to be honest with you Taye , i think you need to sit him down ,explain to him all about your past and why you are wary, if he doesnt know then how can you expect him to understand where you are coming from? I personally think if you do finish it with him, you will regret not giving him a chance and will always be wondering what if?. To me he is bending over backwards to please you, and let you know he wants the full package, so what if he bought bunk beds for the kids, doesnt mean you have to use them, does it?

sarymclary

I don't know about anyone else, but I felt that we should have all risen to our feet, and clapped loudly at the end of Taye's #747 post. You said it girl!

See him. Talk to him. Tell him what you want/don't want. Explain in great detail to him. Try not to rant at him. Let him tell you what he wants/doesn't want. Try to have some quiet time together, and see if you can actually enjoy it. Get to know him better.

FWIW, and from what you've said here, it sounds like you and Dave are very likely looking for the same goals in life, however you each have different expectations about the timeframe to reach them. You both find each other attractive, and must have enough in common to sustain a conversation thus far. He likes your kids, they like him, and his mate seems to like you, and sounds like a sound bloke too.

I understand the panic about 'wanting to be a dad'. Perhaps he is trying to reiterate that he is more than prepared to offer everything to you, and them. He sees you as 3, not 1. As someone who is a step-parent to 2, that's not an easy ask. He may have never been in this predicament before, and is unsure how to approach it, but offering his 'all' seems to be what he's been doing. Yes 2 weeks is fast, but remember, he's been admiring you for months, so no wonder he's a bit ahead of you!

It could be worse, he could blow hot and cold. Could be more distant, may not respond to your calls/texts, he may seem very interested in you when you're alone, but less so when his friends are about, or your kids were there. He may have declared undying love for you, then gone off one day and you'd have never seen him again, not answered the phone, etc. (happened to me). He's clearly aware you have been hurt before. He's doing his level best to try to prove he doesn't want a fling, but is prepared to do the long-haul, and is being over enthusiastic (to say the least), and clumsy in his approach to proving that. He sounds like a guy who needs reassurance from you, as much as you need reassurance from him. He sounds like he's been hurt, and has been trying endlessly to not get hurt again, so he's put in lots of effort.

I won't lie to you Taye, relationships take tonnes of work, but like any relationship, that work pays off if you're both singing from the same hymn sheet. Think of the amount of time and effort you put into raising your kids, how you teach them right from wrong, encourage them to do things, instill good manners, etc. It takes years, but the end result is something to be proud of, and to love unconditionally. The person you share your life with deserves the same amount of input, provided they are doing the same with you.

Have a good day at work, enjoy your lunchtime gym session, if you go, and try to organise a meet up with Dave so that you can both assess what you both want, and what you both need, and whether you can both do that with each other.

kate1976

sarymclary wrote: »

I don't know about anyone else, but I felt that we should have all risen to our feet, and clapped loudly at the end of Taye's #747 post. You said it girl!

Yep I agree! I also feel like doing the same after reading your posts and a few others on here!