When to start dating again?

Taye

Ok i know this is going to seem very silly.

I been married, divorced and now im happily getting on with my life with my 2 sons who are 7 and 9. Their father was forcibly kicked from the house after i found out about the 3rd or 4th affair and finally got fed up of hearing "sorry it won't happen again" he hung around for a while afterwards trying to get me back (i was pregnant with DS2 at the time) however eventually he got the hint and left.

Unfortunatly for him.. and my boys .. when dad left he really really left.. ds1 hasn't seen him since, and ds2 saw him once though he doens't remeber it when i took the baby around to see "dad's mother" and whole time he refered to him as "it" rather than calling my son by his name.

I've tried getting contact for my sons, more for them than me (i didn't want them to be without a dad).. but dad didn't want anything to do with them, and for a while i sought child maintaince but the git kept moving house and quit his job in some twisted effort to get out of paying, telling his friends i'd cheated on him and they weren't his kids (a total LIE). In the end i thought sod it and left him to it, gave up chasing maintence and got on with my life.

It's been 7 years since that happened and all my friends think i should start dating, but i can honestly say i really don't have any interest in it, i guess i've become self sufficiant and im just not sure i want the hassle.

Last week a nice man i chat to sometimes in the gym, asked me out to dinner and i refused. My friend who was with me at the time hasn't stopped hassling me since. she said that she's sell he soul for a man like that to ask her to dinner and that im only 30 i can't spend the rest of my life alone..But i dunno i'm just not sure i want the hassle, i have a life i've built for my sons and i don't want some guy walking in confusing things.

Now i have to admit he seems nice, we always have a laugh in the gym and he's quite cute, in good shape, nice smile etc.

Am i being silly??

[Deleted User]

Yes, go for it! Imagine what life will be like when they are teenagers and going out and about with you stuck at home lonely.

Did he know you had kids?

Taye

Yeah he know's i talk about them alot unless he has his ear's plugged the whole time haha.

splicecom

Go for it! It's obvious you will be sceptical as you dont want to get hurt again but the long term you will regret it if you dont.

Good luck xx

mummy_Jay

I really understand where your coming from.

It's been 5 years for me, I want a partner but I just have no clue how to go about it.

I've also found on the rare occasion I have been out with someone it last about a week, then I get paniced and get out of it.

People tell me after a manipulitive relationship and going through my pregnancy being threatened (both myself and the unborn by said ex), there's no wonder I have a problem but when I'm ready things will just slot into place. It's not exactly the same thing as you but if you find any answers I'd lurve to hear them.

Pee

You've had a really bad experience, but there are lots of nice men out there, and it sounds like you've found one. I think you should enjoy some time with him and see what happens. Your children will grow up one day and if things work well, maybe he can be a male role model for them.

After a bad relationship, I was terrified of commitment that's when I think it can really help if someone is a friend you drift into a relationship with. Going for dinner does not mean that you have to move in, become financially involved, etc etc.. I think it only promises a goodnight kiss. Smile!

BusyLizzie_3

If you like him, and it sounds as if you do, you have nothing to lose by going out to dinner with him. Just take things a step at a time, no need to look too far into the future and worry about what *might* happen. If you want to carry on seeing eachother, you can decide when the time's right to introduce him to your sons. It sounds as though you've done your absolute best for your children, now it's time for you to have some fun and companionship.

DaveLy

It could end up anything from a dull dinner to a life changing experience for the best. If you do not invite these opportunities into your life you'll carry on as normal...

Who wants normal?

Taye

Pee wrote: »

You've had a really bad experience, but there are lots of nice men out there, and it sounds like you've found one. I think you should enjoy some time with him and see what happens. Your children will grow up one day and if things work well, maybe he can be a male role model for them.

After a bad relationship, I was terrified of commitment that's when I think it can really help if someone is a friend you drift into a relationship with. Going for dinner does not mean that you have to move in, become financially involved, etc etc.. I think it only promises a goodnight kiss. Smile!

OMG!!! i hadn't even thought of that, i think i'd have a panic attack if he tried to kiss me!!

Well i've just got back from the gym again and he was there, we chatted he asked if i'd changed my mind about going to dinner .. he was quite relaxed about it, i sort of said that i didn't know.

Anyway he sort of smiled and said that my friend had told him not to give up...( :mad: i'll kill her later ) anyway he's given me his number :eek:!!!!! told me that he didn't want to pressure me, but if i fancied doing something at the weekend i should give him a call, if dinner was too scarey we could just go to lunch or the park or something.

Im in a total TIZZ!!! my Ex was my first and only boyfriend, i've never dated, i've never even kissed another man...... i know i should just go and be done with it, but im really freaking out...What if he did want to kiss me im not even sure i remember how?!

Rationally and logically i know i shouldn't spend my life alone, the thought of being single and alone when my sons grow up and move out is not an attractive thought, but what if i did start dating, what if i didn't work out? last thing i want is blokes coming in and out of my sons lives confusing them.

Caseyface

It's only natural for you to feel this way, especially after only having been with your husband, it's a scary prospect, like being a teenager again i suppose.

The thing is, you accept that being on your own when your sons grow up a daunting prospect and indicates you want to make the change at some point, but if you keep putting it off there will never be a 'right' time.

Don't look upon going for dinner or a trip to the park as you having to introduce him to your kids or even into your life atall other than your gym life. You need to dip your toe in the water and he's offering the water, take it.

You obviously have taken to him, even if at first it was just someone to chat to, you have also admitted he's quite good looking, he's probably caught your eye without you even realising it and now he's shown some interest you've got scared and backed off incase of ifs ands and buts.

It's flattering and exciting, you might have dinner and find he's a total twit who only talks about himself, but from what you have said he doesn't sound like it.

Stop worrying about what might not happen and think about what might happen:D

Good Luck :T

Money_maker

He sounds sooooooooooo nice. Friendly and ready to wait.

Dont worry about kissing and lasting relationships. Just spend a bit of time together and see where you go from there.

Good luck - and dont let him escape - ring him!!