When to start dating again?

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

No offence guys but life was much simpler before men got into the mix i think i'll pass.

That is often the case, but personally I'd never want to be alone and without a soul mate given the choice.

I think you need to just be true to yourself. You have (understandable) intimacy issues that ideally need to be addressed for your long term maximum happiness. Whether these are with Dave or not doesn't really matter, although before calling it a day (which I doubt will be the end anyway), I would simply check with your inner self that you aren't opting for the easy way out. 'No pain, no gain' springs to mind. But if it's all honestly too much and you would really rather Dave wasn't in your life in a romantic manner, then it's the right decision for you.

hartcjhart

PHEW, just read this topic(not all):D

Taye,just tell him straight that you do not want to go so fast and that in time if it is meant to be then you will be together as a couple,:j

If you think it is hard for a woman to get back in the dating game then it is a hell of a lot harder for a guy,especially if his ex has been unfaithfull:mad:

when I meet someone it is very hard not to go to fast,and some of us are just incurable falling in love types

keep at it and best of luck should turn this into a film(romcom)

MissMitch

Errata wrote: »

Isn't the difficulty that he makes Taye feel uneasy and overwhelmed at a time when she should be skipping along with stars in her eyes ?

I do know what you're saying and I do agree to an extent because I think that over-keen can also be read as over-needy. I think it's wonderful when a man (and women..but speaking from my perspective) can be openly interested and demonstrative with a woman from the start because I really hate game playing, and some people never seem to grow out of playing them :rolleyes:. But there's a bit of a blur between being openly keen and being needy and it's hard to say when the line is crossed.

If Taye feels overwhelmed or smothered then it's definitely a problem, but also (and please don't take offence Taye as I'm still talking from my experience) I think being over-cautious and avoiding situations so as not to have to deal with the flaming hard work that goes with all that love stuff is also pretty damaging. Relationships aren't the be all and end all and if people want to be on their own through choice, all well and good, but if it's out of fear then I think it needs addressing because life's too short. I've had my fair share of broken hearts, but I'm still the sort of nutter that goes back for more...think I'll be the same at 90! There endeth the sermon!

aligerdie

Just logged back in, and so much has happened since I last read this thread!

Have you decided for definate that you're calling it a day? Seems a shame to finish things so soon, but I suppose if you're lifted out of your comfort zone it's understandable.

Please come back and update us, have you been in touch with him yet since you decided to finish it?

xx

k2tog

Just been getting up to date. There are loads of very good posts on here Taye. I have to say that while I am a Dave fan, the part about wanting to be a Dad to your kids makes me concerned. He's galloped way off into the distance. I suppose I would just like to add that I wonder if one last try at getting Dave to understand would be worth it (hello again NAR :wave:) because there are so many things about this that are good. Simple isn't always the best option.
Taye, you have come such a long way, and hopefully had some fun amidst the drama. Only you can decide what to do because for all our comments on here, we are here and not there. If he really can't grasp what you are trying to explain to him, I don't know that you have much choice.
I hope though that you come to your decision because it is right for you, not just because it's the easiest option. If you decide to call it, please remember all the positives and all the progress you've made. You're a star.

Taye

No i havn't spoken with him yet, he's supposed to be ringing at about 9pm but i dunno over the phone just seems such a lousey way of doing it?!

I can honestly say i don't think i have ever been on such an emotional rollercoaster than i've been on for the last few weeks i just few emotionally drained.

I just don't have the energy or the determination to try and get over all my stuff, while trying to have a relationship with a man who needs a set of toddler harness's to keep him in check.

I know it sounds selfish but i really needed dave to be there for me right now, help me get over all my past so i could move one, but clearly he has way too much of his own stuff going on to be what i need right now.

I dunno maybe no man is?

i know its bad and i know im going to get shot down in flames, but really do i need a man? really i was perfectly happy without one?

While i understand what people are saying about when the boys are all grown up and im left on my own, but really does it need to be a man?? surely if i make an effort to socialise do stuff get out there and mingle find things to do for myself then surely a man really isn't that important??

Oh i dunno i just feel like a train wreak right now.. im dreading 9pm ... what the hell am i going to say?

Jet

Taye,

I think if you get out there and build up your social life, and do things for you, then a man will come along just when you're not expecting it and you will be strong enough in your own skin to be comfortable with that relationship.

I'm sure Dave is lovely but maybe not right for you now. Don't beat yourself up thinking that because this feels so uncomfortable, then every relationship will feel the same, I promise you it won't.

I think the trick is to keep an open mind regarding relationships. You don't have to go looking for "the one" but neither should you run away from anyone who shows an interest.

numb3r9

Taye wrote: »

No i havn't spoken with him yet, he's supposed to be ringing at about 9pm but i dunno over the phone just seems such a lousey way of doing it?!

I can honestly say i don't think i have ever been on such an emotional rollercoaster than i've been on for the last few weeks i just few emotionally drained.

I just don't have the energy or the determination to try and get over all my stuff, while trying to have a relationship with a man who needs a set of toddler harness's to keep him in check.

I know it sounds selfish but i really needed dave to be there for me right now, help me get over all my past so i could move one, but clearly he has way too much of his own stuff going on to be what i need right now.

I dunno maybe no man is?

i know its bad and i know im going to get shot down in flames, but really do i need a man? really i was perfectly happy without one?

While i understand what people are saying about when the boys are all grown up and im left on my own, but really does it need to be a man?? surely if i make an effort to socialise do stuff get out there and mingle find things to do for myself then surely a man really isn't that important??

Oh i dunno i just feel like a train wreak right now.. im dreading 9pm ... what the hell am i going to say?

Hi Taye,

I've been folowing this thread for a few days and have been caught up in it to say the least.

"Dave" seems like a regular guy to me, I am an IT Contractor and yes money means little as day rates are silly - even now. Having been on the end of a failed relationship after 23 years of marriage I can see what he wants and its you.

Between the pair of you, and I get from your posts that you would like to aim for the same goal as him but slower, you both need to find a way to regulate the speed of your relationship.

Like him I would spend money on someone else to help them out, people are like that, please do not presume its for the worst. Give him the chance to adjust to your needs and you to his, I sense that you would want this to work as much as him....

Anyway best of luck

BrokeBrunette

Taye, only you can answer your own questions.

It's so easy for all of us to give our advice and opinions but at the end of the day you have to make your own decision. I know you've given us lots of info re your past, how you feel etc but it's your life and if you genuinely feel you are better off on your own for now that's fair enough.

It's a pity all this has cropped up whilst Dave is working away. I think you need to have a face to face conversation with him. Talking over the telephone isn't the same.

As to what the hell you're going to say to him I think you need to say whatever you truly feel - easier said than done I know. I just think he needs you to be honest with him, for both your sakes.

Don't be too quick to write him off Taye. You've had a really emotional rollercoaster couple of weeks - no wonder you're feeling drained with it all.

sending you a mammoth hug, because I think you need one xxxx

Money_maker

Thing I'm worried about is that if you call it a day over the phone, he will hotfoot it back home (job or no job) to see you and 'talk'.