When to start dating again?

boredandconfused

Hiya Taye, I've sat and read through this whole thread whilst at work this morning - and Dave sounds like such a nice guy it'd be a shame if you didn't give it a chance. Obviously only you know what's going on in your head, but as you've said you've got issues with intimacy of which no-one blames you, and you shouldn't apologise for. Your boys will always be your priority and understandably you want to keep a certain distance between you until you know for sure what's going on long-term so it doesn't mess with your sons heads, I agree with Jet in that he needs to understand, not thow a tantrum or get sulky if things don't run perfectly all the time - he doesn't know the full ins and outs of your intimacy issue yet does he? It doesn't sound like he'd be scared off by this as he obviously cares for you a great deal, so whats his rush? As long as he is prepared to wait then just cool things a little, date, chat and don't let yourself get into any compromising situtaions where he could interpret mixed signals, but don't rule him out completely as he must have done something right to have made you drop your guard so much already x

Money_maker

jinky67 wrote: »

But I think you still need to get out there doing more stuff, either on your own or with the boys. Be it social gatherings, classes, Scouts etc.....you need to find yourself. Sounds namby pamby I know

Well said. I still think it would be worth trying a Gingerbread group whether this works out with Dave or not.
Pre-Dave you were drifting from day to day. Take control and enjoy

glossgal

Finally some other posters who live in the real world! Boundaries need to be respected however smitten you are with someone, a person incapable or unwilling to do that is not long-term material. Dave has said he cares for you and doesn't want to upset you but has still made gestures that go against this-actions always speak louder than words, if the two don't match summat is up. Also, as a girl who's always had more male friends than female, i can tell you men can control themselves, if anything your average man would maybe back off too much if you said you felt pressured not move the other way and make you uncomfortable.

Anyway, Taye I'm sorry you want to call it a day because you sound like you really want to move on with your life but don't feel bad about it. Maybe you can go back to being gym buddies with dave and see if either of your feelings change over time? If he takes the hump then your instincts were right and he wasn't worth it anyway

bevan840

No-one will be angry, at the end of the day it is your life and you need to listen to your head more than anyone else's voice All we want is for you to be happy.

If you can stay friends and re-evaluate your friendship a few months down the line, if things have changed and 'you' (not him) would like to take things a little further then maybe then, only ever do what you are comfortable with, if he cares for you as much as he says he does, he will be patient and wait for you to be ready. If not, he's not the man you deserve, you deserve someone who will respect your feelings and take it at a pace suitable to you, not say they will and then still try and push things on you. It will happen one day, until then do as the others are advising, see if you can find some groups for your boys to go to, maybe even a group for you when they both are full time school Just take your time and enjoy life

NAR

Taye wrote: »

II'm really hoping i can just slow him down because i do like him alot but this is all abit overwhelming at the moment.

Personally Taye I think he deserves one last chance to "get" where you are coming from. Be firm and tell him you are going to call it off unless he slows down and consults you in everything concerning you, before doing it!.
I do hope you and Dave can sort this out - if not it will be two unhappy bunnies, but better that now than later, if that is to be the case.
Good luck in your contemplation.

barnaby-bear

Taye wrote: »

don't shout,

I think im going to call it, i mean i was struggling with the idea of some nice casual dating nothing serious or heavy and im just not sure i can cope with whats going on at the moment. Being pushed outside your comfort Zone is one thing but the last few days have gone beyond that and im not liking it at all.

Sounds like a good call then. The Dave thing is neither here nor there.... it's not whether you get yourself a Dave - it's being in a position that you can *choose* whether you want a Dave..... or whether you'd prefer a different brand....

Errata

Taye wrote: »

don't shout,

I think im going to call it, i mean i was struggling with the idea of some nice casual dating nothing serious or heavy and im just not sure i can cope with whats going on at the moment. Being pushed outside your comfort Zone is one thing but the last few days have gone beyond that and im not liking it at all.

Blokes are supposed to make their OH's lives feel much, much better, not feel much, much worse.

Lot of frogs out there Taye, get kissing, you'll find your prince.

jenhug

He obviously does not get subtle hints, (he reminds me of my dog, always eager to please me but charges around like a bull in a china shop!) You need to spell it out to him, you had a roungh time, and if you are "the one" then he won't mind taking it slowly, as their will be lots of future ahead.

Tell him that this month with him away will give you lots of chance to learn more about each other and then you can see about starting dating.

Good luck!

Taye

No offence guys but life was much simpler before men got into the mix i think i'll pass.

jinky67

Taye wrote: »

No offence guys but life was much simpler before men got into the mix i think i'll pass.

surely you dont want to be a sad lonely old spinster like my Gran do you?