When to start dating again?

swiss69

My partner said she knew she wanted to be with me from the very first time she saw me. it was 2 years before we finally got together!

He sounds a bit insecure and scared of rejection but you are giving him mixed messages so I can understand that a bit.

Just tell him to slow down, everything is fine but to keep at your pace.

I really do think its time you snogged the guy now though:D

themaccas

It sounds like it has been love at first sight for him Taye! You can't choose when or who that happens to. You have also had loads of info about him from one of his friends and that sort of detail is very rare so early into a 'relationship'. He sounds genuine and very kind and wanting to be with all 3 of you rather than just you. The job he is going away for sounds perfect as it will give you space and distance and time to work out your feelings for him.
Hope the phone call goes well!

Justamum

Taye wrote: »

Come on guys this is silly right it's been what 2 weeks? he can't possibly love me?? should i be finding this weird?

Taye wrote: »

daves friend has known all about me for months, litterally months....or so im told. I was the girl Dave spotted in the gym proceeded to tell his friend about without even getting up the guts to say hello,

mumofjusttwo wrote: »

Well Taye it would certainly appear that Dave believes in love at first sight and just because you want to take things slowly (understandably) doesn't mean he is wrong. Maybe you were made for each other. A cliche I know but not necessarily wrong.

I don't know the history with you and your ex, but from what I can gather it wasn't a good experience, so naturally you are wary. Have you explained fully to him why you are 'jumpy'? If he knows how badly hurt you've been in the past I'm sure he will be very understanding (he sounds like a really nice man) and patient, and when the time is right to get more intimate it will be absolutely wonderful for you I'm sure.

I don't think it's weird that he is declaring his love for you after only 2 weeks - it's only two weeks since you noticed him (when he asked you out for dinner) but by the sounds of it he noticed you ages ago, so he's further down the race track than you iyswim! He's obviously extremely smitten and it sounds like he's afraid of losing you.

Some people do fall in love quickly and have a lifetime together - sometimes getting married after only a matter of weeks! I fell in love with my DH very quickly and we've been together for 19 years, married for nearly 15 of them and have three children, and are still madly in love. It took me ages to get him to let his guard down with me though - he'd been hurt by a long-term girlfriend - they were living together, but she was seeing someone else on the side who she eventually left him for and married. He was devastated as he'd not suspected anything. His next girlfriend also left him in the lurch. All his friends told me not to get too involved with him if I was just going to end up hurting him too because he didn't trust women. I just let things go slowly as I knew he was the one I wanted. He's my soul mate. Maybe Dave is yours

There must be hundreds of people on this forum who are cheering you on and hoping it all goes well for you.

k2tog

You are older and wiser and they are different men. One dubious bloke doesn't mean you should be alone forever - thank God!
Stop looking on here and concentrate on your conversation!

Taye

k2tog wrote: »

You are older and wiser and they are different men. One dubious bloke doesn't mean you should be alone forever - thank God!
Stop looking on here and concentrate on your conversation!

bah! yes boss

k2tog

And don't forget to update us

End of bossiness.....

glossgal

I think I must be totally out of step with everyone else here because my definition of love isn't so easy-i truly don't believe it's wise to be throwing such a big word around after a handful of dates/meetings or whatever. Im shocked that nobody has said this because I'm pretty sure 90% of the peeps reading and contributing to this wouldn't act that way themselves?

If Dave knows you are cautious OP then he is being insensitive to you by talking of marriage love etc-he just is and anyone who says otherwise is naive or stupid or both! Its not constructive for everyone here to say oh dave is wonderful etc because it's making you doubt yourself and you shouldn't. I think you'll find anyone who has made rational points on this thread has drifted away from it coz it seems to have largely descended into teenage drivel with no grip on reality! I reckon you need to listen to your instincts more and again take it at your own pace. Dave may just be very immature emotionally which you'll have to come to terms with or move on.

whitewing

I was on my own with a young son for six years before I met DH. (Ours was 'like' at first sight, but not 'love'; he is younger than me so we were at different stages of life). Having spent so long on my own and having learnt from previous relationships, I am absolutely confident that I would take a chance on someone I know I like. I would be able to trust my intuition. I think it is quite possible to know it's serious very quickly.

I do think Dave is moving very quickly and needs to slow down a bit. But I don't think it should stop a blossoming relationship.

There are a lot of exceptionally kind and caring people out there and the happier I am with myself, the more of them I seem to be meeting!

barnaby-bear

Taye wrote: »

Well i have texted dave, told him to stop stressing and to call me after 9pm when kids are in bed and we can chat....

stupid stupid stupid man.

Still can't quite decide if it's sweet or abit stalkerish though, maybe it's just my paranoid side.

I'm not entirely sure you aren't reading too much emotional stuff into his enthusiasm. Some people are doing people IYKWYM, they have to let of steam/energy - pound it at the gym; don't mull stuff over more do-do-do problem solve-solve-solve; he's having to go very slowly slowly particularly with the hands / physical stuff. There are obstacles the time/childcare etc.... he can't get too heavy, but he wants to show he isn't after quick sh&g, he wants to help with the obstacles (make it easier for you to visit with kids in tow? maybe demonstrate he sees you and the kids as a package). Some people are micro-managers and feel the need to take action/control. OK so maybe his boundaries aren't normal either but most people have baggage - whether his baggage and yours fit together is up to you to work out. But I don't know the guy - could be totally wrong but could be he just always has to be DOING something, anything, good thing he took the contract and has work to do! You can often judge a people by who they surround themselves with and their friends.

Steel_2

If it wasn't for the fact hubby is sitting opposite me I'd say him and Dave were one and the same.

1. Hubby was clearing space for me to move in by our second date (cue gales of laughter on my part and told him to see if we're still together by Christmas, which was eight months away)
2. Introduced me to his *entire* family at a BBQ on our fourth date (polite, pleasant but nearly got hugged out of my skin by his mother. Cue more space clearing for my stuff and refusals on my part)
3. Tried to get me to go away with him for a long weekend racing event in France within 6 dates (no chance, far too soon, constant phone calls while away and pressies on his return).
4. After three months he took me to Paris for a romantic snogging session at the top of the eiffel tower where undying love was proclaimed. By him. I could just about cope with him in a double room by then, but I damn near backed out and ran for a single!
5. After six months I caved, did the 'I love you" and moved in. He had already been 'acquiring' my stuff and 'forgetting' to give it back :rotfl:
6. After 13 months engaged.
7. After 2 years and 3 months married.

I had to rein him in *constantly* and still do. I'm being 'shown off' at a racing event next weekend where all his old work friends and colleagues from before my time will be there. He's like a puppy!!

You don't have to get angry with him when he gets over-enthusiastic, just be kind, pleasant, gentle but firm. Him in your life is one thing but in the boys' life is another. There's no rushing it with children. If you mean no, just keep saying it gently and quietly. Three good phrases to use to with a flirty smile to buy time are "we'll see" or "if we're still seeing each other by...." and "I think about it"

I use to tell hubby all the time to "Behave you naughty beast" when he was boundary pushing and he used to love it!