When to start dating again?

NOVASTAR

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Well said Jinky67 - love it :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

jinky67

NOVASTAR wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Well said Jinky67 - love it :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I mean it.

My Gran got married during the war, got pregnant, hubby killed, never married again nor brought any man into her and my Dad's life.

She has spent the last 60 odd years pining for him:cool:

Now Dave may not be the guy for Taye, but there is no way she wants to be like ^^^^^:eek::eek:

tattycath

Taye wrote: »

No offence guys but life was much simpler before men got into the mix i think i'll pass.

Simpler and boring.:p
You've done really well Taye, as others have said...'don't burn your bridges with this guy.' Keep the door of communication open and warn him it's all going too fast and it's scaring you into thinking of not bothering-he'll slow down if he really wants you (and as has been established he does).
You've achieved so much already-well done you, you should be really proud of yourself Taye:T

NOVASTAR

To Jinky67 - Aww - years ago a lady I knew at the time who was widowed told me that she would never want another man in her life as she had a lifetime of love with her husband - I thought that was quite lovely though.

I hope that Taye is not going to be put off any future friendships that will occur.

BrokeBrunette

NAR wrote: »

Personally Taye I think he deserves one last chance to "get" where you are coming from. Be firm and tell him you are going to call it off unless he slows down and consults you in everything concerning you, before doing it!.
I do hope you and Dave can sort this out - if not it will be two unhappy bunnies, but better that now than later, if that is to be the case.
Good luck in your contemplation.

well for what it's worth I agree with this post above from NAR.

Give Dave one last chance. You've tried the gentle approach and it's obviously not working. Spell it out to the man LOUD AND CLEAR that he is driving you away with all the smothering, no matter how well meaning.

It's a shame to lose his friendship if you still like him in that way, but at the end of the day if he isn't listening then it's his own fault.

I still think he sounds like a great guy, just well-meaning and
hasn't got a clue about kids by the sound of it, so give him the chance to learn - that's if you feel he is worth the effort. If not, let him down as nicely as you can. Like lots of other posters have said you can use this to move on with your life. Look how far you've come in the last couple of weeks.

I'm still hoping Dave will listen and do what he needs to do, so that you can take things in your own time, rather than his!

Keep us posted Taye, whatever you decide to do. xx


P.S message to Dave - JUST LISTEN TO TAYE YOU STUPID FOOL OR YOU WILL DRIVE HER AWAY

Errata

Isn't the difficulty that he makes Taye feel uneasy and overwhelmed at a time when she should be skipping along with stars in her eyes ?

BrokeBrunette

Errata wrote: »

Isn't the difficulty that he makes Taye feel uneasy and overwhelmed at a time when she should be skipping along with stars in her eyes ?

yes I agree but surely he deserves one last chance if Taye well and truly spells it out for him?

If he cares for her as much as he says he does then give him the chance. If he then ignores what she is saying then he obviously isn't the guy for her.

Hotspur

Taye wrote: »

No offence guys but life was much simpler before men got into the mix i think i'll pass.

Wow, what a difference in 8 hours since I went to work! Ask yourself 'do you like this guy?'. If yes then stay with it for a little longer. It's often easier to walk away and not address the problem at hand - in this case 'Dave' moving faster than you want. However that usually means the problem will come back at a later date. (I don't mean Dave would keep coming back)

If you continue then set 'rules' that you are happy with so he doesn't push the pace - after all a relationship is a long distance event not a sprint. Hopefully he will learn this.

Whatever you decide don't push him away completly, go back to being gym buddies and get to know each other at a slower pace with the occasional coffee, walk in the park or whatever. If it's not to be for now then be honest with him as to why, maybe he will learn there's more than one way to skin a cat or win Taye's heart.

There are lots of positives to come out of the past few weeks for you; stick with them and keep moving forward 'With or without you (Dave)' as the U2 song goes.

Sarahjovi

Hi,

I've read this thread with great interest. Taye must do what she feels... but, before you give him the big heave ho... perhaps you should sit down and write a list of pro's and con's to having a relationship with this man, you obviously like him, but not his manner! What exactly are you going to lose? What are you going to gain? I can understand you don't want yours or your boys hearts broken. But if you can get Dave to slow things down to a comfortable pace would you be happy? Or would you still find reason to find faults?

Its a shame to lose what sounds like a nice man, but if you feel railroaded in to a relationship you don't want then, let him go!

Sarah:D

k_bagpuss

Taye, It's a good job my boss can't see me cos I've just spent the last 90mins reading this from page 1! How did I miss this thread??!! I wanted to post because I've laughed and cried along with everyone else as I've been reading your story / journey so far and I can't help but think you'd be throwing away a diamond here!
I was happily married (or thought so) until I found out he'd been having an affair and we split in 2005. After a few dates here and there I got involved with someone I met online who turned out to be mentally and physically abusive, and after 9 months, 2 black eyes, 3 split lips and multiple bruises (and a successful prosecution!) I decided I'd be better off on my own (and I still feel angry at myself for putting up with things that long)
I have no children but I'm 100 miles away from my family and so I managed to get myself out of the house on odd occasions as money was extremely tight for me too. I met a social group of people online (nothing to do with dating) who did a lot of walks as well as nights out so I saved up so I could afford to go out with them to some bars once a month and the rest of the time did the free stuff.
Dunno what prompted my to try the online dating "for 1 last time" probably the free membership code I got emailed one day! but I got a message through from Rob, and after a lot of emails we agreed to go on a date. He was wonderful and reading the stuff between you and "Dave" brought back some great memories! Rob was in a great job, split from wife, had a lovely house (which ex now has!) but more importantly something just clicked! He said he knew I was 'the one' after 10 mins of meeting! And apart from me being away for a week not long after that first date (which landed both of us the biggest phone bills we've EVER had!) we've been inseparable ever since. He texted me saying he loved me after 5 days and 3 dates!!! We met early May 2008, I moved in to his flat at the back end of July, we are now both going through divorce proceedings and have just today got the completion date through for our first home together which we'll be moving into in June. And we are just as sloppy with each other now as we were at first - probably more so in fact! I also had an issue with the physical side of things but we talked through it and when things happened it was wonderful and loving.

Anyhoo there's my twopenneth - whatever you decide to do we are all here to support in any way we can! :T