When to start dating again?

shazrobo

Taye wrote: »

I feel sick

I've seen him 4 times, twice with the kids and im trying to make arrangements for childcare. Thing is my kids simply ARE a huge part of my life.. any guy who see's me is going to have to understand that.

Maybe it was all just a bad idea?!

(((hugs))) you deserve some fun without the kids being around too. have you tried a babysitting agency. i use one called sitters, they all are careful vetted, have crb checks and relevant experiance, most of the sitters are qualified childminders, some teachers

shaz xxx

Taye

shazrobo wrote: »

(((hugs))) you deserve some fun without the kids being around too. have you tried a babysitting agency. i use one called sitters, they all are careful vetted, have crb checks and relevant experiance, most of the sitters are qualified childminders, some teachers

shaz xxx

It's more about the money tbh i don't have the cash to pay someone to watch them

rach29

Taye how about contacting your local senior school and asking if any of the kids doing the childcare GCSE would be interested in babysitting, or even a local college for those doing NNEB?

I asked a friend of mine to recommend someone from her class a few years ago & it worked out great.

As the girl was new to us, the first time we met she just came to meet me & the kids, the next time she took them to the park for a while, etc, etc until I was happy to leave them for a short evening out.

I'm suggesting this, not just so you could see Dave, but to allow you to get out a little & socialise a bit. You deserve it!

rach29

BTW she was cheap too, because she was a poor student

Errata

Taye wrote: »

I feel sick

I've seen him 4 times, twice with the kids and im trying to make arrangements for childcare. Thing is my kids simply ARE a huge part of my life.. any guy who see's me is going to have to understand that.

Maybe it was all just a bad idea?!

Of course your kids are a big part, you and they are a package and blokes, some of whom have kids of their own but don't live with them, understand that.
Dave knows you're strapped for cash, he could offer to go halves on the babysitter charge. Actually, he's loaded - he could pay the lot.

It wasn't a bad idea at all. You needed to dip your toe in the water at some point and this was as good a time as any.
Have you ever thought about joining Gingerbread and socialising ? They're all in the same boat as you so would be totally understanding about babysitting problems.

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

I feel sick

I've seen him 4 times, twice with the kids and im trying to make arrangements for childcare. Thing is my kids simply ARE a huge part of my life.. any guy who see's me is going to have to understand that.

Maybe it was all just a bad idea?!

Aww, sorry you feel sick with it all. Shows you like him though.

Don't think it wasn't a good idea, because it so clearly was!

I am sure he knows how important your children are to you. As we do too. But that doesn't mean they should be with you on all your dates, particularly in the early stages when you're trying to get to know each other and ultimately hopefully build the foundations of a relationship.

Try to relax Taye; I'm sure it will all be fine. Glass of wine?

xxx

NOVASTAR

Lunar Eclipse - I meant that his shine has dimmed for me as i think he is sulking because he thought that he WOULD get sex!
I also agree with Errata that he could offer to pay for a babysitter as he can clearly afford to if his intentions were entirely honorable.

Lunar_Eclipse

NOVASTAR wrote: »

Lunar Eclipse - I meant that his shine has dimmed for me as i think he is sulking because he thought that he WOULD get sex!

Oh!

But no!

I really don't think sex was on his agenda that night. Seriously. Otherwise he's a bloody idiot! His actions up until this point are far from idiotic, so I'm still in favour.

Having said that, I have been known to be wrong in the past.

And right.

But far more often right than wrong, especially where men are concerned! :rotfl:

Money_maker

Hi Taye,

Sorry to hear it didn't go so well. Blokes do tend to think with their underpants and just have a 'need' whilst women like to have the emotional support and get close and cosy before committing (dont shoot me down folks).

He may not be the guy I thought he was but we're only hearing one side here. In any event, I can understand you not wanting to turn your life upside down for him and unless he becomes a permanent fixture then there'll be a lot of harm to undo. You hang in there with the physical stuff until you're ready - it could be weeks or months til it feels right. Try it sooner and you may resent him.

Errata was right about trying Gingerbread. Look it up - it may be what you need for female friends and I hear its really good. You can support each other and help out as required.

If he doesn't text back then I would leave the whole thing alone. You already have 2 children - who needs another one? I'm not trying to put you off now but I really think that having been out of a relationship for so long, you have got used to being on your own and doing things your way. Keep true to how you feel and see where you go from there.

BTW, would help for us to know which posters are male and which are female. That way we get the perspective from both sides. Female here!

swiss69

I am not sure worry about future babysitting is really an issue until you know there is a future!

Men will always want to get a woman into bed, we are programmed to do it. Some women play the long game but normally relent in the end whether it takes one date or 10 dates...

All this Mills and Boon stuff doesnt exist in real life! For every Clark Gable there are 20 Russell Brands!

Taye - You have come along way in a few days and if nothing else it has made you realise that you are still attractive to the opposite sex and still find them attractive! You have also by virtue of your writing on here have shown yourself to be very sensitive, articulate and clearly someone who has done a good job with her boys. I am sure you have 4 or 5 new friends just on here and if you find yourself needing an online chat I am sure many of them would be happy to oblige (Am I right girls?)

In the meantime, If "Dave" doesnt reply by midday tommorrow or isnt at the Gym then text him again...

I would say something along the lines of

"Look Dave...I have really enjoyed my time with you over the last few days. You know that I have a few issues to deal with before getting too heavy but I would love to spend more time with you to see how things develop. If you would prefer to stay friends then I understand and that would be great too" ......Men need it spoon feeding as we are just not clever or sensitive enough to understand why women might not want a kiss etc...Generally we take it as rejection whatever you have said.

The balls then totally in his court and if he chooses not to reply then he is not worth perservering with unfortunately.