When to start dating again?

Taye

I'm generally really nervous of letting people watch my kids i used to get my Ex-sister in law's daughter to go it, but i had a bad experience it was just bad police where involved and my house got totally trashed.

Unsuprisingly i never let her do it again and i've been wary ever since.

I can't really go into the school because i have to get to work and i just drop my kids off at breakfast club and let them go in themselves, i'm super pushed for time in the mornings.

I could ring the school and ask but im not sure it will help im not in a financial situation that would allow me to pay for a night out never mind pay someone to mind the kids. I know it sound bad but right now we are very much in "a night out costs us a weeks food" situation

I could never ask my kids friends parents to watch them for free!!! other than thier friends names i wouldn't even know who thier friends are never mind thier parents, which i know sounds really bad but i drop them off in the morning and a childminder picks them up most days (i could ask the childminder but know she charges £40 for an evening and i don't have £40) even the days i pick them up its from afterschool club and most of the parents have left by then.

Besides other than dave i really don't have anyone to go out with, i sure as hell arn't going to sit in the pub on my own. :rotfl:

NAR

Taye wrote: »

I did only stay over on the condition that i slept in the spare room with the boys, i did try not to let him get his hopes up as it where.
I'll try and talk to him today, see if he's willing to wait for me, try and explain *AGAIN* that i like him but im not ready for that side of it. See if he's willing to be patient, but im just starting to feel like this really isn't ment to happen.

Please do not allow yourself to be pressured into anything. You have come on leaps and bounds IMHO to reach this stage, so you don't want a major setback.
Do emphasise you appreciate what he has done for you and kids(massage his ego) as well and that you are not stringing him along.
We can but hope for a positive outcome to your chat.

NAR

Taye wrote: »

I could never ask my kids friends parents to watch them for free!!! other than thier friends names i wouldn't even know who thier friends are never mind thier parents, which i know sounds really bad but i drop them off in the morning and a childminder picks them up most days

Could a sleepover with schoolfriends be arranged which could be reciprocated?

Besides other than dave i really don't have anyone to go out with, i sure as hell arn't going to sit in the pub on my own. :rotfl:

I can feel an MSE outing coming on! :rotfl::rotfl:

Errata

It seems to me that it isn't the logistics that are the problem but the fact that he wants to get his legover on the 2nd date.
Steep learning curve for you Taye, do you want to be the kind of woman who has sex with a bloke on a second date? With your kids in earshot?
One of my girlfriends has a golden rule: unless a bloke can instantly remember what all her first names are, when her birthday is, how many O and A levels she has ( and vice versa) and tries to get his legover - it's a resounding NO.

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

I'm generally really nervous of letting people watch my kids i used to get my Ex-sister in law's daughter to go it, but i had a bad experience it was just bad police where involved and my house got totally trashed.

Unsuprisingly i never let her do it again and i've been wary ever since.

All the more reason to try and find someone through the school, since they have experience of looking after children, and have their CRB (Police) check.

I can't really go into the school because i have to get to work and i just drop my kids off at breakfast club and let them go in themselves, i'm super pushed for time in the mornings.

As we all are. But if you want it badly enough, leave the house 10 minutes earlier than normal and ask the staff at the breakfast club if they fancy an extra bit of pocket money for baby sitting. They have experience and the background security checks already mentioned. And earn peanuts so will not be expensive.

I could ring the school and ask but im not sure it will help im not in a financial situation that would allow me to pay for a night out never mind pay someone to mind the kids. I know it sound bad but right now we are very much in "a night out costs us a weeks food" situation

Understood. Could you trade or sell anything? Personally I would babysit for a friend for free and wouldn't think twice about helping you out, but would be even more delighted to do it in exchange for a few ironed shirts, a homemade lasagne or cake etc; you get my point. Where there's a will, there is always a way. Which brings up another venue to ask for help - the gym; they must know you very well in there! If I honestly thought it would help, I'd send you £20 myself. But I really think you need to sort this out yourself.

I could never ask my kids friends parents to watch them for free!!! other than thier friends names i wouldn't even know who thier friends are never mind thier parents, which i know sounds really bad but i drop them off in the morning and a childminder picks them up most days (i could ask the childminder but know she charges £40 for an evening and i don't have £40) even the days i pick them up its from afterschool club and most of the parents have left by then.

Unless you are very introverted, anxious and shy, it would be great for the boys if you did become more involved in their lives. Sorry, that's not meant to sound as bad as it might. Your childminder obviously doesn't want to do evening babysitting if this is her only, flat rate. You really should be able to find someone for no more than £5/hour. And initially, just go out for 2 hours. Three if it includes a meal or the movies.

Besides other than dave i really don't have anyone to go out with, i sure as hell arn't going to sit in the pub on my own. :rotfl:

Unless you mean this literally and you do enjoy adult company at your house in the evening, this isn't healthy. Everyone needs at least one friend.

Taye

Either you don't have the means to think creatively at solving problems, or you are sub-consciously/deliberately making this more difficult that it is.

It's your life and you are fully in control over how you live it. So you can either choose to make time for you and Dave, or not. It's as simple as that. No-one can do it for you. Not even Dave the superhero. :rotfl:

Sorry about the italics above; couldn't rectify it!

Taye

Errata wrote: »

do you want to be the kind of woman who has sex with a bloke on a second date? With your kids in earshot?

I feel so messed up right now...

Ok so i made a mistake i should never have agreed to stay over, even though i thought i'd made it quite clear when i agreed to stay on the condition that i slept with the kids that there was going to be no funny business i guess he got his hopes up... my bad, i feel like such a dumbass.

Still even without the whole "wanting to take it slow" thing, the truth is NO i really don't want to be the sort of person who has sex with a guy with her kids in the next room? what sort of example is that for my kids?? i'd rather they learn't sex is something special that happen's between two people who care for each other alot, certainly not 2nd - 3rd date material.

I texted him, told him i had a great time (even though i don't really feel that way right now), told him i was sorry and that it wasn't a rejection of him but "then" wasn't the right time and that i would like to go out again when he was free...

I've had no reply yet....

Lunar_Eclipse

Errata wrote: »

It seems to me that it isn't the logistics that are the problem but the fact that he wants to get his legover on the 2nd date.

Really? I think the logistics are a problem. Kids are a massive turn off romantically speaking, it shows how much he likes her IMO. And not in a getting his leg over only kind of way. If that were the case, he would have shown absolutely no interest in her children and run a mile in record time.

FWIW, I still think Dave is one in a million.

Errata

Ok so i made a mistake i should never have agreed to stay over, even though i thought i'd made it quite clear when i agreed to stay on the condition that i slept with the kids that there was going to be no funny business i guess he got his hopes up... my bad, i feel like such a dumbass

Not a mistake, you learned a lesson part of which is that you don't want to sleep with a bloke who's happy to sleep with women he doesn't know very well. That makes you smart not dumb.

Which part of 'no' did he not understand ?

Lunar_Eclipse

Errata wrote: »

Not a mistake, you learned a lesson part of which is that you don't want to sleep with a bloke who's happy to sleep with women he doesn't know very well. That makes you smart not dumb.

Which part of 'no' did he not understand ?

As far as we know he hasn't said he wants to sleep with her (unless I missed it). I feel like you're adding fuel to the fire with comments like that; apologies if that is not the case. We all know he does want to sleep with her, but that is currently beyond the boundaries of the situation IMO. Being close, cuddling, holding hands and kissing have been mentioned so far I believe.

Most blokes do not need to know women as well as the other way round to sleep with them. It doesn't mean they/he are a waste of space (which I know you didn't say btw.)

Maybe I took your (innocent) reply the wrong way. To me it read like she has the moral high ground and he is being underhand or not worthy because he isn't taking the time to get to know her before becoming intimate, which I suspect is not really the case. Or certainly unintentional on his behalf, again I suspect.

rach29

Hi Taye, I'm sorry to hear your weekend didn't turn out entirely as planned, although it sounds as if things were going pretty well up until the awkwardness towards the end.

I don't know if you have seen him at the gym today but I hope you have & have maybe taken some of the advice above and asked him to let you set the pace.

In Chapter 3 of our M&B epic I'm casting myself as Big Sister & giving you some sisterly advice....

Why not invite him to yours for a meal this week?

I see this a s having a few benefits

1) You won't need a babysitter

2) He gets to see what your circumstances are (just so he knows how you are really placed & not just making excuses)

3) Once you've put the kids to bed you can have some time together,

4) You might feel a bit more confident about things when you are on "home turf"

If he's for you things will work out, If he isn't we'll write a different ending where you realise that you deserve a little time for yourself & go out into the wide world & start looking again