When to start dating again?

Taye

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Oh!

But no!

I really don't think sex was on his agenda that night. Seriously. Otherwise he's a bloody idiot! His actions up until this point are far from idiotic, so I'm still in favour.

Having said that, I have been known to be wrong in the past.

And right.

But far more often right than wrong, especially where men are concerned! :rotfl:

*sigh* still no contact though ...

Quackers

swiss69 wrote: »

Men will always want to get a woman into bed, we are programmed to do it. Some women play the long game but normally relent in the end whether it takes one date or 10 dates...

All this Mills and Boon stuff doesnt exist in real life! For every Clark Gable there are 20 Russell Brands!



......Men need it spoon feeding as we are just not clever or sensitive enough to understand why women might not want a kiss etc...Generally we take it as rejection whatever you have said.

The balls then totally in his court and if he chooses not to reply then he is not worth perservering with unfortunately.

:T:T

And LOVE the Russell Brand comment :rotfl:

duchy

Of course he may just be trying to get his head around the fact that he's met a woman he likes-who is giving him mixed messages-says she's interested and isn't ready for sex but wants to take things slow and he's fine with that-but recoils in horror at even the smallest affectionate gesture.Making him feel like some kind on monster He's probably wondering if there's something wrong with HIM.

There's patient and then there's feeling utterly rejected-despite what some people seem to think on here-he's human not a blinkin' saint. I don't think he's after "one thing" but like everyone he wants affection.

barnaby-bear

swiss69 wrote: »

In the meantime, If "Dave" doesnt reply by midday tommorrow or isnt at the Gym then text him again...

I wouldn't - he knows where she is - neither of them have done anything wrong or over-stepped any boundaries.... they might be two different people in different places with different boundries but they both will have their own perceptions of what has gone on. Both seem to have behaved decently. More texts helped by other people probably won't help - they might be seen as pressure. The ball's in his court. There's a lot of bits that have gone on to assimilate - more input might just complicate. Maybe a breather and reflect on the positives for now, that a so far fairly seemingly decent guy was interested, the kids could cope with the idea of mum not being an island, Taye can go outside her comfort zone. Perhaps Taye needs to concentrate on herself as she's had an overwhelming volume of feelings past and present shaken up in the air. Perhaps a single mums group (Gingerbread?) etc might give her a bit of support from others in a similar situation.

barnaby-bear

Taye wrote: »

I feel sick

People are fragile and human - it's a good thing.... you've done nothing to be ashamed of or wrong - life's just complicated and difficult a lot of the time.

Taye

duchy wrote: »

Of course he may just be trying to get his head around the fact that he's met a woman he likes-who is giving him mixed messages-says she's interested and isn't ready for sex but wants to take things slow and he's fine with that-but recoils in horror at even the smallest affectionate gesture.Making him feel like some kind on monster He's probably wondering if there's something wrong with HIM.

There's patient and then there's feeling utterly rejected-despite what some people seem to think on here-he's human not a blinkin' saint. I don't think he's after "one thing" but like everyone he wants affection.

I think i was affectionate when the situation allowed, i just didn't really want to be drooling all over him while my kids where watching incase it didn't work out, didn't want to confuse them and at the end of the day they are still my first priority.

I know i have been abit hard on him, he has been trying but i can't help the way i react to things, im trying to put the past behind me... but its hard.

k2tog

Think Swiss has made some very helpful and considered points. And I think his advice is sound. In fact, he makes so much sense IMO, I reckon he must really be a girl.
Just kidding.
I really do think it's useful stuff.
I'm a female BTW in case you didn't guess, and I must be a strange one because I cannot see the charm in Russell Brand - though as much resemblnce as I have to a supermodel, I suspect he wouldn't notice mine either!
Try not to be worrying all night Taye

Mutter_2

Taye wrote: »

*sigh* still no contact though ...

I wouldn't contact him again Taye. The reason being that you already have and if you did so again, he may think you want him on his terms not yours.

The idea to join Gingerbread is an excellent one. Had you had experience of some social life after the divorce, meeting "Dave" would have been less stressful.
Even if you go out with Dave, you'll still need friends and acquaintances so at least look into to Gingerbread.

As for the immediate problem of babysitters, they would have to be totally free of charge under the circumstances. That means joining a babysitting circle or finding a couple of girls in the same situation and taking it in turns. Others here would know better than I how to find them.
Hope you get what you want tomorrow.

Taye

Im starting to come to the conclusion he just isn't going to contact me

I can't belive i scared him off and i can't belive i'm so upset about it, we just went on 4 dates it's not as if we where married.

All he wanted was what normal healthy blokes want, why couldn't i just give it to him? what happen's now? i wait for the next bloke i can totally freak out and scare off maybe im just never going to be normal

i feel like some sideshow freak.

It's been 7 years since the split with my ex and logically and rationally i know i should get over it but why the hell can;t i just move on? live a normal life?

duchy

Taye I wasn't saying you were wrong-just trying to see it from HIS perspective-that first and foremost he's a person not a man

I do think Gingerbread is a great idea-good for you AND for the kids and is something to investigate. You *do* need more social life and the kids will meet new friends too.

Now I'm going to take a big deep breath here and say something that I really hope won't offend you. Whatever happens with Dave it's clear he's brought to the forefront of your mind the lousy treatment you had from your ex and the damage it has done to you-and maybe you need to address that with some counselling and shake those negatives out of your life once and for all. Bit like packing them away for good. You take them out-examine them-give them a good shake then fold them up and pack them away . Just a thought-regardless of what happens next.

Good luck today-I hope whatever it brings it brings peace of mind with it <hug>

EDIT Posted with you-Listen he was a nice man who came along at the wrong time in your life -it happens. You can make it a negative OR you see it as a positive-that he opened your eyes to the fact that there IS more out there for you and you can now take steps (baby ones if you need to) to exploring those posibilities.

You've come a long way -don't take fright now and scurry back to safety. Take it as a sign that it is time to move forward -on YOUR terms.....and yes like Jay said-Don't beat yourself up-you've done nothing wrong . Circumstances just went too fast for you-at this this particular point in time but you DID try and that counts for a lot.