When to start dating again?

Taye

I can't afford to be going out for a meal and it's not an excuse my budget is just super tight.

Besides do you really think introducing him to my kids is a good idea at this stage? what if he turns out to be abit weird? more weird than me i mean? even if i just let them go and play they are going to keep coming over to the table besides they'd have to eat with us.

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

He said it was ok, he didn't mind as long as he knew he i was interested.

He's offered to take me and the kids to the cinema and for a meal all together on friday, he's suggested one of those places with a play area so the kids could play.

How do i say no without offending him?

OMG! What an absolute star he is. Most people without kids wouldn't have the first clue about restaurants with play areas, let alone know to suggest them!

So why do you want to say no? I'm guessing it's because it's too early to introduce the kids (I would feel the same) in which case I would say thank you for the extremely kind and thoughtful offer but you would rather wait before introducing the kids. However, in appreciation of such thoughtfulness you will get a babysitter for x night (Friday?) and go out with him somewhere. If you're anywhere near me (Surrey - doubtful I know), I'll babysit - I have extended CRB clearance fyi from helping in school!:D

You must be able to get a sitter; a teacher/helper from school or nursery perhaps? I know it's not free, but it could be very MSE in the long run!;) Alternatively, ask around the Mums if anyone fancies a babysitting swap night - one for your boys, you for them one night. I would be amazed if you didn't get help this way. People are more giving than you think. I have found that if you start asking for help, you receive it.

Do NOT make it too difficult for this guy or he will, at some point, stop trying. Just relax and try to find solutions to the logistical problems you are facing. Where there's a will, there's a way!

jinky67

Taye wrote: »

I can't afford to be going out for a meal and it's not an excuse my budget is just super tight.

Besides do you really think introducing him to my kids is a good idea at this stage? what if he turns out to be abit weird? more weird than me i mean? even if i just let them go and play they are going to keep coming over to the table besides they'd have to eat with us.

HE offered to take you........:rolleyes::p

I meant forgo the whole meal idea, and just let the kids play.
I am quite sure he is not a weirdo hun, and i am sure you know that, after all you have been gym buddies for a while haven't you?

NOW STOP putting obstacles in the way and just run with it.:mad::mad::mad::T:T:T:T

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye wrote: »

I can't afford to be going out for a meal and it's not an excuse my budget is just super tight.

It sounds like he is offering to pay. I doubt he is weird. If money is the main concern you say that is beyond your budget (and I bet you get a reply saying 'it's my treat' but then you can't say no!)

Fortune favours the brave.

Just do it. It'll be good for you to be outside your comfort zone if nothing else. One outing with a man will not damage your kids.

mummy_Jay

Taye, I'm glad you texted him.

I know your not keen on introducing him to your boys but children are good at picking up on if someones a good guy or a bad guy. It would be horrible to get all attached to him only to find your boys didn't like him.

Can I suggest a counter offer to the cinema and then a meal, why not suggest he takes you and the boys bowling. He will get to see you in a different light (as mum) and it will keep the date light and informal, you may even find your less nervous with your boys there to distract you.
To see how he acts around your boys may even make you more comfortable with him.

Or why not offer missing the gym on friday and going for a picnic or coffee or something then?

shazrobo

hi taye, sounds you got a good fella there, i would go along to the play area with the kids and just tell the kids its a friend, you dont have to tell them its a date, and that way the kids will be less inquisitive.
i have two sons myself, and no family for support, and living off benefits as both sons are disabled so working is impossible, BUT i still save a small amount for a babysitter and go out with my bf, its lovely to start dating again, and makes you feel special, especially after a previous bad relationship. my ex was very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, and made me very depressed to the point i was suicidal. my bf now has been ever so understanding, and takes things at my pace, and understands what i have been through.
sounds like this fella could be just like mine, very caring and understanding,
go for it girl, you deserve to feel special

shaz x

swiss69

He is offering to take you out so you wont need any money!

You do not need to formally introduce the kids. If you take them to a play area just so you two can have a chat they wont be thinking anything especially if they are young.

It sounds like you are not comfortable with this and after so long I can see why but believe me anyone you can let into your life even if as just a friend is better than having no one.

Taye

Do you not think it's irresponsible for me to introduce my kids to a man i barely know? well i know him we work out alot but you know what i mean?

jinky67

Taye wrote: »

Do you not think it's irresponsible for me to introduce my kids to a man i barely know? well i know him we work out alot but you know what i mean?

In a way yes, BUT what do you think he is gonna do?

It is merely a casual day out with you, it just so happens that your kids will be there.

Have you never been to the park and someone start talking to you?

Essentially thats what this date is, nothing threatening nothing serious, the kids will be off playing anyway, how much time will they spend together?

What do you think is gonna happen if they meet him?

The answer is nothing.

I am sure your motherly instincts are strong, and you would be going out with this guy if you didnt think he was a genuine fella, so stop over thinking things

NAR

Taye wrote: »

Do you not think it's irresponsible for me to introduce my kids to a man i barely know? well i know him we work out alot but you know what i mean?

No you introduce him as a friend you go to gym with that wanted to meet up with you all. The kids wont think that altogether weird I wouldn't think.
Go and enjoy it; I think he is being very considerate towards your needs/feelings - and I'm a bloke too!!