When to start dating again?

barnaby-bear

Taye wrote: »

I've blown it.....

Went to the gym everything was fine, well up untill my boss from work showed up ... long story he's a pain in my !!!, kept making stupid faces and generally giggling like a school girl from across the gym while i was working out with the guy... talk about off putting. Made even worse by the fact that exibit A was being touchie again, like super touchie..and my boss cottened on to it STRAIGHT away and finds the whole thing highly amusing. ok i can handle that.

We finish our workout and go for a quick coffee before i have to get back to work... while .. (i can't keep calling him THE GUY!)...anyway you get the point, he go's to the counter to order while im sitting there and i get a text....

I look over there he is with a stupid big grin, i look at the text.

"I really want to kiss you, but im scared you'll run off if i try"

Guess what i do??

Yup you got it, pick up my bag and run out the door ... seriously NOT COOL!!

you know im Soooo mad at myself, i like this guy alot why the hell can't i get my act together?? i havn't been with a man in 7 !!!!!!!g years surely im kinda overdue?!

He's texted me a few times since appologising but i haven't managed to think up a suitable reply, i've spent half the night crying.. rationally i know i have to get over this but, i don't want it to rule me. I can't spend the next 50 years of my life living like a nun just because my ex thought sex was some sort of god given right to be gained though any means he felt like at the time.

I just can't seem to get it together and i know this guy is going to get seriously fed up sooner rather than later.

I've totally blown it.

Just explain your boss was there, making comments and watching - anyone would be uncomfortable or want to avoid such a situation of someone making a pass at them in front of their boss - perfectly normal to want to avoid.

It's not like you have to jump into bed with this guy - but it would be far easier if you explain some of the situation in more than 256 chars of a text. Cut-n-paste from here - write him a letter - find someone to take the kids and spend an afternoon chatting.

"I like you. I want to take things slowly as you are the first guy I've thought worth dating since my ex. I don't have loads of money and don't want to freeload off you. Childcare is difficult."

And most men will find the one-ex far more attractive - do you think most men woul prefer to date/marry the girl who's done all their mates/the town.

PS. I've nick named him DAVE - as in DAVE TV - everyone has a mate called Dave....

So for pities sake put Dave out of his misery - he's waiting for your text.

littlemissmoney

Do you know his email? Maybe you could explain via email if you find it easier than talking to him face to face?

k2tog

Well said Barnabybear!
Text can be tricky when you need more room for manoevre.
Dry your eyes Taye x

marksandsparksgal

I think someone should send him the link to this bloody thread!

Taye, you sound lovely. So stop putting yourself down. You'll be fine, and Dave sounds lovely!

x

NAR

Oh Taye, just when things were going along nicely some !!!!!! interferes!
Well come on don't let a little setback finish things, you know you like him!
Better still you know he likes you, you need to get this first kiss thing out of the way soon, otherwise he is going to start doubting, which would be dreadful!

Taye

Ok i've got his email address...

here's what i have so far anything i should change before i send it?!

I’m sorry for running out on you, I realise I must be giving you some terribly mixed messages. I just want to explain myself a bit because I realise you never expected things to be so difficult.

Ok firstly I want to make it clear that it’s not you, nor is it anything your done wrong. You’re the first guy I’ve been interested in since I split with my Ex and I would really like to see you again.

The relationship with my ex was messy to say the least and I suppose I’ve never really gotten over it, I’ve just sort of drifted along for the last 7 years ignoring the situation sinking my time and energy into surviving. My ex was mentally and sexually abusive, my youngest son the product of an encounter I’d rather not re-live.

My Ex was my only partner the first boy I ever kissed and to say my confidence in that area of things is shot to hell is somewhat of an understatement. I feel at my age I should be able to handle situations like this and I don’t want you to think I’m pathetic but the truth of the matter is I’m scared and I don’t know how to handle it.

I’m not quite sure what you see in me, but I’m grateful for whatever it is. I wasn’t making excuses when I say I can’t go out. I don’t have much in the way of friends or family making babysitters hard to come by and even when I can find one, money is tight. I pretty much ride month to month barely scraping by, with a list of things I need to buy that rank higher than going out and spending money on myself.

I know you offered to pay to take me out and I don’t mind it once or twice but I don’t want you to think I’m freeloading or taking advantage of your generosity. I’d like to feel I was bringing something to a relationship I’m just afraid I don’t have much to offer and I’m worried that when you realise that you’ll run a mile.

I sort of feel this email is rather heavy for one to a guy that I’ve only been out on a single date with and i don’t want you to feel that I’m making more out of it that there is. I realise we are still very much in the early stages it might be that we just go out another couple of times and decide we aren’t suited, but you seem like a decent guy and I feel you deserve to know why I’m messing you about so much and I hope you won’t give up just yet.

jinky67

HI hun,

I am glad you came back:hello:

I think the email says it all very well :T:T:T:T
BUT I would leave out the sentence relating to your sons conception. You can tell him all that when you start to feel more comfortable with him.:cool:

I know you will get a lovely reply back from him, you take my word for it;):A

I feel like I have taken you under my wing:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:and I so want this to work out for you

Lunar_Eclipse

Taye,

Your e-mail to him is fine and is a great idea, although I would also remove some of the detail re: your ex, although I know it is important. Something more like (but in your words still):

I’m sorry for running out on you, I realise I must be giving you some terribly mixed messages. I just want to explain myself a bit because I realise you never expected things to be so difficult.

Ok firstly I want to make it clear that it’s not you, nor is it anything you've done wrong. You’re the first guy I’ve been interested in since I split with my Ex and I would really like to see you again.

My Ex was my only partner, the first boy I ever kissed. The relationship was messy to say the least and I suppose I’ve never really gotten over it. He was mentally and sexually abusive so to say my confidence in that area of things is shot to hell is somewhat of an understatement. I feel at my age I should be able to handle situations like this and I don’t want you to think I’m pathetic but the truth of the matter is I’m scared and I don’t know how to handle it.

etc.


I would have less detail about your life now and your personal put down, but it explains your reality and tbh, I think the key thing is just to say something.

Taye

I sent the revised email, waiting for a reply... think i might skip the gym today i don't really fancy seeing him till i know he's read it.

I feel sick

MissMitch

Hi Taye, I have been reading this thread with bated breath waiting to see what comes next...

Like everyone else I'm going to plead with you to try and relax and enjoy this and put your ex in the far gone past where the git belongs. I know it's really daunting for you, but it sounds like this guy is the complete opposite and will probably be a really positive experience for you whatever happens. Speaking as a single 30 something :rolleyes: I'd be absolutely delighted if I met a guy that treated me the way he's been with you so far. They're very rare, believe me!

You've been brilliant for explaining to him what scares you, but please try and stop the running and avoiding, because it really sounds like this might be a great thing for you! You do deserve it you know, so please stop thinking you don't! Best of luck hun!