Wedding list - no obligation, however ...

skintchick

When I got married, we included a swift mention of the gift list we'd set up, saying something along the lines of 'we don;t expect any gifts, but if you do want to buy us one you can get inspiration from xxxx'. That way, people knew they could also go off-list (and people will!).

We got most of our list, some random gifts, some cash, and some didn;t give a gift at all.

I have to say that personally I don;t mind a gift list being included but if people ask me for money they get nothing! I think it's so rude to ask for cash - if I want to buy you a gift, I want to buy you an actual thing you will treasure forever, not give you money towards a shower curtain or a holiday.

But I know many other people are fine with it and you will never please everyone.

ETA: OH and I didn;t live together before we were married so although we each had a house and stuff people understood we wanted things that were ours and would be for starting our new life together. Maybe this made a difference to how people felt.

faye1978

We live together and have done for 7 years so we decided not to do a gift list but even before we have sent the invites out people have been asking us for gift ideas so we put an insert in the invites. the insert says:

We are sending out this invitation in the hope that you'll join our celebration
If to send a gift is your intention, in modesty we would like to mention
Already we have got a kettle and a toaster, crockery, dinner mats and coasters
So rather than something we have already got please give us something for our saving pot
But most importantly we request, that you be our wedding guest

I have to say it has been very well received by the people that have had the invite so far.

We are not they type of people who like asking for things either but we have viewed it that people WANT to buy us a gift and rather than something we already have and dont need then money would be the best option for us to put towards larger things we would like. eg a sofa or porch. We would also be perfectly happy if people just turned up and our family and friends know that.

ps_live

Reading through this thread again, I'm glad I posted originally. Many have a slightly different take on it, but its obvious that there are two sides, fairly evenly split ie. those that will ask in the invite (or an included info sheet) and those that won't.

I think the question of age is significant; older generations feel more comfortable buying gifts, as its traditional (as in setting up a home together).

Great stuff, it makes excellent reading and I'm sure it'll help a lot of other people as well as it helped us :T:T:T

James_W_4

Wow - this thread goes to show that you can't please everybody all the time

For what it's worth, I think there was a gift list at every wedding that I've been to... They were all quite major ones so maybe it varies by how big and organised the wedding is. I must say that as a guest, I would have felt uncomfortable turning up without having given anything - that would be unheard of at any of the weddings that I have been to.

It depends on your parents as well... I know that mine won't be interested in managing the guest list, invites, presents etc. - we'll have to do all of that ourselves. Good luck!

Belease

I really have never understood the concept of being offended by wedding lists. I think it's considerate to be directed as to the best way to spend your hard earned money! Why on earth would you want to buy something someone didn't want?

Anyway, maybe the best wording in this case would be 'all we need to make our day special is you - but if you have any ideas you wish to contribute, please let us know!' or something like that? It's very tricky, I agree!

sunshinejoclaire

Belease - that is the best wording i've heard

ayamjay

How about something like this?
Our life together has already begun,
And we have almost everything under the sun.
If you wish to give a gift,
Vouchers or cash would give us a lift.
Surprises would be most welcome, too.
But the best gift of all would be to share our special day with you.
Now that we've saved you any fuss,
We can't wait for you to celebrate with us.

Tigerlilley1980

Why not have a postbox at the venue, nicely decorated, and let people know it would be there. At the wedding poeple can put envelopes in containing money or vouchers, and a mesage. we are having a gift list at Debenhams and also letting people know that they can buy holiday vouchers if they wish. Although we totally do not expect anything. I would be slightly offended if someone sent me that on an invitation though, although I think I would appreciate knowng that they would prefer money to a gift that they probably won't appreciate as much. It is definitely a tricky one. You can get lots of nice poems on the net that will be perfectly worded for your invites, HTH Tiger x