Wedding list - no obligation, however ...

ps_live

Hi,

We are getting married in June 2010, have booked the church and the reception venue and are now trying to save money where possible on everything else.

My partner is very creative and the invitation idea's look superb. I have the job of printing the inserts and they look great, but both her mum and my dad have commented on some of the wording. On the back of the insert, I have written a small "useful information" section that details the address of both the church and the reception venue, accomodation costs, etc. But the last section of this details the wedding present. Specifically:

Wedding present
There is no list, please do not feel obliged to buy us a present.
However, if you wish to help towards our costs, we would be most grateful.

I thought it reads quite well. We are using my friend's custom-classic US muscle-car for the day (he won't even take petrol) and my partner's auntie is making the cake ... both of which fall nicely under "help towards our costs" ... but both our respective parents STILL said it sounded like we are asking for money.

We'd rather have money than a present, as we are paying for the whole thing ourselves, but I can see what they mean.

Any idea's on a better way to put this? Its driving me mad :eek:

Thanks all, Pete :cool:

Piggles12345

Maybe you could make it a little more... errm... I'm not sure what the word is. Kind of explicit. So you could say something like

'However, donations towards our spiralling costs will always be gratefully received!'

ps_live

Piggles12345 wrote: »

Maybe you could make it a little more... errm... I'm not sure what the word is. Kind of explicit. So you could say something like

'However, donations towards our spiralling costs will always be gratefully received!'

Its really tricky. How can you ask for money without asking for money? My dad made the comment that people would think we were asking them to pay for their own meal. He was only joking, but it makes you think ...

I didn't want to use "donation" or "contribution" as I thought they sounded even worse.

IWantToBeFree_2

Don't want to offend, but I think it sounds awful, just like you are expecting people to contribute towards the wedding. If I received that on an invite, I'd probably throw it in the bin!

robnye

would it not be better to perhaps ask for vouchers for a specific shop..... ie furniture or garden centre

ps_live

IWantToBeFree wrote: »

Don't want to offend, but I think it sounds awful, just like you are expecting people to contribute towards the wedding. If I received that on an invite, I'd probably throw it in the bin!

No offence taken, thats why I posted in the first place

We honestly don't mind if guests do not bring a gift. We want people to attend, not their gifts. We already live together and have everything we need. We just thought that if people wanted to give us something, we'd rather it not be a present.

Maybe we should just drop the last line completely

thanks for your input :cool:

ps_live

robnye wrote: »

would it not be better to perhaps ask for vouchers for a specific shop..... ie furniture or garden centre

That's a fair point robnye. something I hadn't considered. Do couples request vouchers? Is it a common thing to do?

I just don't know what to do for the best.

bandraoi

It's an invitation to a party. You shouldn't mention gifts or presents at all.

If people ask you or close family members you should have a prepared response, but you wait to be asked.

ema_o

I usually give money as a wedding present as that is the most useful thing, however it is usually towards something the couple want - the honeymoon, a conservatory etc.
If I received your wording in an invite I would be a bit annoyed and feel that I was being asked to pay towards the wedding (regardless of whether that is what you mean).

I'm not sure why, but I am happier to give money towards something the couple are going to do rather than towards the actual wedding.

If there is nothing like this you need and you are happy with offers of help towards the wedding I would put something more like 'If you can do anything to help make the day special'. 'Help towards our costs' sounds like you only want money not (as you have mentioned above) that things like making the cake, use of the car would be equally appreciated.

ps_live

ema_o wrote: »

If there is nothing like this you need and you are happy with offers of help towards the wedding I would put something more like 'If you can do anything to help make the day special'. 'Help towards our costs' sounds like you only want money not (as you have mentioned above) that things like making the cake, use of the car would be equally appreciated.

Thanks for the input ema_o, this is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for.

I think I have muddled the issue by saying "how do ask for money without asking for money?" I didn't mean it the way I typed it. We want people to come to celebrate with us on our big day, its certainly not about the money or gifts.

I just thought by adding a few lines on the insert, I could avoid people asking what we wanted as a present 100 times over.

How about something like:

"Please do not feel obliged to buy us a gift, as we have everything we need. However, if you can do anything to help make our day special, that would be fantastic."

What do you think?

rachfriar78

I would just leave it out all together as I personally don't think anyway it could be worded sounds right. I think as most people live together before they get married it has pretty much become the norm to give money.

I know you aren't asking for presents etc but the way it reads is you want people to contribute before the wedding. Have you seen the fancy donation boxes they do on confetti and place like that?