why wasn't he invited to the party :(

Janepig

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I still think age is a huge factor, as well as party size obviously!

30-40 guests for a six year old's birthday party is just madness IMO. I don't know a single child that would prefer that many guests given the choice, nor cope well with the situation socially. One has to wonder who the party is actually for in those instances. (And OMG - the number of gifts and thank you letters to write!) With large parties like you have mentioned, of course the parents have to stay. I imagine both of mine would have needed me to stay in these circumstances, to feel safe and happy. So your comments about 'drop and go' parents are completely understandable.

Where we live, 20 would be considered a large (but normal) number for a party for infant school ages (5-7), dropping to a maximum of say 12 at junior age (7-11). Occasionally someone might have a whole class disco, although 2-4 friends for a cinema visit/sleepover would be more common.

There is a great rule about ideal guest numbers being the age of the birthday child plus one. So 7 is the optimum number of guests at a 6 yr old's birthday. My eldest has just turned 9; she had 6 friends to our house for an Oriental party (a few couldn't make it). DH & I were heavily engaged in doing origami & Chinese calligraphy with them, making tea for a traditional tea ceremony, running party games etc, so would find other parents distracting to say the least. We are always fully engaged in actually running the party, as opposed to operating them like a large playdate, hence my comment about parents staying. It just doesn't happen here, assuming the children feel safe and comfortable, you know the parents etc.

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Problem is, with the number of kids attending, is that there are 30 in DD's class, plus there's another class of 30 in the year where they have some friends too. Factor in family and friends from outside school and the numbers stack up. The party last weekend wasn't as extreme as the numbers might make it sound - it was a HSM themed party, with mostly girls, two of the host's friends did face painting and painted nails, and there was a cd player with HSM/Camp Rock music for a bit of a boogie. Pass the parcel was played and the food was standard sandwiches/crisps/cakes fayre. And all the children had a blast just running around, dancing, eating and having photos with the giant cut out Troy and Gabriella that the party girl's father had salvaged from the tip!!!

The high number of children is why the majority of parents (including me) opt to have joint parties where you can happily invite the whole class and share the cost. But obviously the type of party you describe, a small number of children at home is certainly something that wouldn't necessitate parents staying. But it's horses for courses and it certainly wouldn't be the type of party that I would be happy to organise, mainly because I get so stressed out by the organising that I have to have it somewhere where most of the "entertaining" is out of my hands. It's a failing, I know, but unfortunately entertaining children is not a strength of mine :D.

Jxx

Lunar_Eclipse

Janepig wrote: »

but unfortunately entertaining children is not a strength of mine :D.

It is much harder than I ever thought. We have just come to the conclusion, through painful experience, that less is more when it comes to party guest numbers.

My eldest is in a class of 34, with 4 classes in the year! Thankfully it was a male heavy birth year, plus she has learnt that she has a more enjoyable party if there aren't loads of people present, but obviously including her close friends. This year we struck lucky that only 6 girls could make it, although she invited 10 (it clashed with Brownie camp and Ballet exams).

My youngest is very popular and friends with both girls and boys. We have invited the whole class once, for her 6th birthday, but only because she wanted it at a gym centre which offered exclusive use so we were the only people there and they could accomodate that many children easily. It worked fine, although we knew we needed to cut numbers for the next party - which she had at home, with a farm visiting for an hour. I think she had 20 guests - far too many for a home based party, even though we were outside in the garden! It was quite stressful, but mainly because the farmers were not great at entertaining and engaging the children, despite their claims to the contrary!

And thus we have come full circle to an ideal 'less than 10' from now on if at home! Youngest has expressed interest in either a small party (2/3 for a sleepover or 6 to Build-a-Bear would be good) or a football party which are active, capped at 16, inexpensive and not at home!

I think I'm going to have a birthday party next year, they're so much fun!

Spendless

Janepig-my eldest is 9 and of all the parties I've ever had there have only been 2 occassions when someone didn't stay. The 1st was ds 4th birthday, and child was dropped off by dad cos mum was working. They have 2 a lot older sons and I don't think dad was thinking this is a toddler party. Mum later apologised that her hubby had left without ok-ing it with us before. The other was last year, when a mum said she hadn't intended staying unless I specifically wished her to do so. As she was the only one not staying and her son was 8 I didn't have a problem with it.

DD was 6 this week and I'm tempted to never have one again. 1 person only declined day before, 4 didn't reply at all and 3 of them showed up.

The poster who doesn't celebrate birthdays. Have you thought to tell your children's teachers this? From being in nursery mine have had their birthdays up on the wall, are sung happy birthday to by their classmates and in dd's class (yr 1) there is a hat for them to wear.

galvanizersbaby

Spendless wrote: »

Janepig-my eldest is 9 and of all the parties I've ever had there have only been 2 occassions when someone didn't stay. The 1st was ds 4th birthday, and child was dropped off by dad cos mum was working. They have 2 a lot older sons and I don't think dad was thinking this is a toddler party. Mum later apologised that her hubby had left without ok-ing it with us before. The other was last year, when a mum said she hadn't intended staying unless I specifically wished her to do so. As she was the only one not staying and her son was 8 I didn't have a problem with it.

DD was 6 this week and I'm tempted to never have one again. 1 person only declined day before, 4 didn't reply at all and 3 of them showed up.

The poster who doesn't celebrate birthdays. Have you thought to tell your children's teachers this? From being in nursery mine have had their birthdays up on the wall, are sung happy birthday to by their classmates and in dd's class (yr 1) there is a hat for them to wear.

Good point, my children's school do this too

msb5262

Just one problem with expecting all parents to stay with their children for parties - what if there are other children in the family? I'm a single parent now and when the children were young, my then-OH worked shifts so was rarely around at weekends. Our three children were born at 2-year intervals, so anyone inviting my DD to a party when she was six and expecting me to stay would have had me, DS aged eight and DS aged four standing in the corner. Surely it isn't a reasonable across-the-board expectation to have of other parents?

Janepig

msb5262 wrote: »

Just one problem with expecting all parents to stay with their children for parties - what if there are other children in the family? I'm a single parent now and when the children were young, my then-OH worked shifts so was rarely around at weekends. Our three children were born at 2-year intervals, so anyone inviting my DD to a party when she was six and expecting me to stay would have had me, DS aged eight and DS aged four standing in the corner. Surely it isn't a reasonable across-the-board expectation to have of other parents?

I think this has been covered elsewhere, but what would normally happen in the parties I've been to is either a parent who is attending and who is a friend and/or trusted will bring along another child if their parent has difficulty, or a quick phone call or text to the host to explain the situation and to ask if it's okay for the other children to tag along. With soft-play type places it's less difficult because parents will often just pay for their other children who aren't invited. Additionally, people arrange parties to suit what they want to do and their cirucmstances, and whilst you always want everyone you invite to turn up, well if some people can't, then they can't.

As I mentioned in my previous post, is it reasonable to dump your children at a party where the host has to organise the party games/dancing and keep an eye on your child and deal with any injuries that occur?

What seems to me is that certainly as children get older, and if the circumstances of the party suit, then by all means parents don't have to stay, but there are alot of occasions when it is very necessary.

Jxx

Teacher2301

Another issue is food and drink for attending parents - for our DS we invited close froends only and said to parents off you go (if they were happy to leave their child with us for 2 hours). two chose not to on the basis that their children were a handful - thankfully. But we knew some would stay and catred for them as well. DS went to another friends party and both parents just drank and let a childrens entertainer do all the work - you take your pick I suppose.

Dormouse

I'm quite surprised about the comments about not leaving kids at parties as it's reasonably common (and sometimes actively encouraged!) where we are. Granted, you have to know the parents quite well, and of course it depends on the situation.

I have left my 5-year-old a couple of times where he felt safe/confident about the surroundings, and there were enough adults supervising (usually professional gym centre staff as well). Especially with parents who have other children, I think most people are quite understanding. I have also had other parents leave their kiddies at our party, which I have never had a problem with.

The way I look at it, they have my mobile number should they need it, and it's not unlike being in a school playground - they're supervised but the parents are not present.

Not many parties these days are held at people's houses, but just very recently we were invited to one. There must've been over 20 children invited and had everyone's parents stayed, it would have been an absolute nightmare fitting everyone in an average sized living room! :eek:

Curious_George_2

i think once the kids hit a certain age the parents tend to do the drop off thing,
i wouldnt have dreamed of leaving my DD at a party when she was under 5, but now she is 8 staying is rarely an option,
the only parties she gets invited too are the same kids in her class over and over again and as its been a few years of this now everyone is quite comfortable with it.
i make sure the host and my DD has my mobile number and then i do a runner!