why wasn't he invited to the party :(

galvanizersbaby

prettypoppyknickers wrote: »

hello all thought id update you

i spoke to my sons teacher to find out if he plays with many children and interacts and she said he is fine and very happy in class and has got one special friend who do everything together.

maybe its the fact that i'm the youngest (i'm only 20 with a nearly 4 year old you do the math ) and that i dont often talk to many parents and the fact that his birthday is in may so he hasn't invited any to his party yet.

o well i guess ill live or get use to it and just make sure he doesn't see the invites being handed out.

If I were you I'd steer clear of those parents that enter in to the playground politics - I don't really fit in to the clique either because I'm a working mum and most of the mum's in my childs class are sahm's so have more time on their hands to chat/get together

I think your son will have to get used to not being invited to every party though - as they progress through school the parties tend to get smaller and smaller (that's what I've found so far!)

galvanizersbaby

vtmil wrote: »

Hi princesspoppyknickers,

Just thought I'd offer you some support because I think I recognise they way you are feeling with being a young mum and feeling excluded! If I'm wrong please write my off as a nutter!:p

I'm 22 with a nearly 5 yr old. I have only just got over that feeling of being different to the other mums, and some how feeling a failure in many aspects of my life because I had my daughter at 18! Don't get me wrong though - she is by far the best thing that has happened to me - but I always felt I had to justify myself! I have got over that now Understand that everyone is different and appreciate yourself for who you are!

Ok, now back OT, I really wouldn't worry about parties. Especially at such a young age. My little one doesn't seem to notice either way, and those invites will come. Playground politics, eh? But an non invite is definatly not an indication of popularity! It gets worse as they get older! I work at a school and friendship groups change more often than I change my knickers (just to confirm that's every day:rotfl: )!

vtmil xxx

Agree definately, age doesn't really come in to it anyway in my opinion, there's always something or someone should I say to make you feel you have to justify yourself :mad: On Monday morning in the playground one of my son's friends mother's took me aside and asked how I get over the guilt of working (she has just separated and looks like she's going to have to go back to work)
I did try not to take offence as I do like to think she was honestly looking for advice but I was a bit put out and didn't really give me that Monday morning lift!:rolleyes:

dizziblonde

I used to work at a fairly posh independent school and at one point the playground politics and one-upmanship got so much that we had two mothers actually physically hitting each other at the school gates at home time and staff had to separate them! Thing was - their kids were best of buddies!

charlies_mum

prettypoppyknickers wrote: »

maybe its the fact that i'm the youngest (i'm only 20 with a nearly 4 year old you do the math ) and that i dont often talk to many parents and the fact that his birthday is in may so he hasn't invited any to his party yet.

quote]

Age doesn't come into it, if the other mother has formed an opinion about you based purely on your age, then she should be ashamed of herself :mad:

You are obviously a very caring mum and your little boy is very lucky.

Hope he soon has more invities than you can handle x

Janepig

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I agree with you - with almost every party I've been to with one or other of my children since starting school this has happened.
My two are 6 and 5 and I wouldn't leave them at a friends party (my son is just getting to the stage where it's a bit uncool to have mum hanging about so I have to keep a low profile!:D )
I'm surprised that this is something you've never experienced - how old are your children Janepig?

My two are 3 and 5. In fact, my DD is six at the end of the month so I have to get my skates on and decide what to do! To the best of my knowledge none of the children have any problem with their mums (or dads) being at the parties for reasons of coolness or whatever. DS hasn't been to all that many yet, although it will change in September when he goes to school!! Maybe because DD's school starts the children full time at 3 so they've been together for 3 years already that they're quite comfortable with the other mums and dads, I don't know.

Actually its quite nice to meet up with the other parents and have a chin-wag while the kids are playing. There's a nice bunch of parents in DD's class although I didn't really know any of them before she started there. I know lots more going into DS's class in September. Playground is friendly enough too. We're obviously a weird bunch!!:D We have alot of joint parties too with afew parents with children with birthdays around the same time getting together to have one party for afew kids. Very MSE.

Jxx

galvanizersbaby

Janepig wrote: »

My two are 3 and 5. In fact, my DD is six at the end of the month so I have to get my skates on and decide what to do! To the best of my knowledge none of the children have any problem with their mums (or dads) being at the parties for reasons of coolness or whatever. DS hasn't been to all that many yet, although it will change in September when he goes to school!! Maybe because DD's school starts the children full time at 3 so they've been together for 3 years already that they're quite comfortable with the other mums and dads, I don't know.

Actually its quite nice to meet up with the other parents and have a chin-wag while the kids are playing. There's a nice bunch of parents in DD's class although I didn't really know any of them before she started there. I know lots more going into DS's class in September. Playground is friendly enough too. We're obviously a weird bunch!!:D We have alot of joint parties too with afew parents with children with birthdays around the same time getting together to have one party for afew kids. Very MSE.

Your DD would be the same school year as my son (though he is 7 this October so one of the oldest in the class)
I don't know what it is with the coolness thing - he says he is big now and doesn't need me there apparently - I suspect it's cos some of his friends mum's don't stay.
He's off to Beaver camp next month which means an overnight stay from home which I'm a bit nervous about - no doubt he'll take it all in his stride though :rolleyes:

He was invited to a party within a week of starting reception class (it was a 5th birthday party in Sept so most of the kids were 4) and loads of the mum's just left the children - one of which left strict instructions with the party host's mother that her twin son's weren't to eat meat - guess who spent the party tea trying to keep them away from the sausages! :rotfl:

Your group of parents sound nice, I'm in the South and people don't tend to be that friendly down here!

Teacher2301

Slightly off topic but here's a tip we use sometimes (and very MSE) - any presents that you dd doesn't want - try not to get them opened so when said friends go home - stash them to one side (if you've got hyper 4 year old you might be able to squirrel away a present or two before they see) and make a note of who gave them to you (very important!) - If you get any through the post - do like-wise. Then you have a stash of presents ready to wrap up for when your child gets invited to other peoples parties (normally those who you don't really know, or are friends from nursery who only attend a few days). If you've labelled them you wont end up giving the gift you got back to someone...not recommended for good friends though...spend a bit for them.

minx79

Janepig wrote: »

I'm totally bemused with the religion thing. Quite apart from the fact that I don't think that you should impose religion on children anyway until they're old enough to decide for themselves, I can't see why going to a party for someone else's birthday would be an issue. Okay, don't celebrate your own, fine, but I could never deny my children an hour and a half (or whatever) of fun with their friends. - I explained the reasons previously why I would not want my child to go to a birthday party - what is fun about turning up having not bought the birthday boy/girl a present which instantly would set things off on a bad foot, then not singing happy birthday to them! I don't impose religion on my little ones, they get taught what I know and when they are of an age to decide for themselves if they want to commit to it, they are the ones who decide, it has to be a personal choice otherwise their heart wouldn't be in it and there is no point having a religion merely for appearances or for the sake of it. And my children are not denied any fun either - they regularly meet up with other children their own ages and play for hours - they do not need to have a special day like a birthday in their lives just for them to have fun.


Although I realise I may be trying to reason with a JW here which is undoubtedly futile :rolleyes:. - why futile? Don't you think that they are reasonable people? explain why not?

Jxx

For the record, as stated above.

suki1964

snowmaid wrote: »

As someone who belongs to a religion where smoking and drinking aren't permitted, there is no chance in h*ll that I would miss out on my grandchild's parties because I don't agree with some of those attending who smoke or drink. There is no excuse for not attending.

Just wondering what sort of parties are being held for children where drinking and smoking around them is part and parcel

Lunar_Eclipse

Janepig wrote: »

Oh, and can I just say that I'm amazed at the people who've said that they've had parties for little ones and the parents of the "guests" have just dumped the kids and gone.

It depends on the ages of the children. It is generally expected that once kids go to school, parents don't stay. But one or two will need to (for their children) during Reception year, as I had to with my eldest. And again, no-one minds this. Some children, especially younger siblings, are happy to left from 4th birthdays.

Bear in mind though that lots of parents hanging around are a major additional hassle to whoever is running the party. I have never seen any parents stay at 6th birthday parties onwards (Y1), unless they are helping out or chatting with the birthday child's parents who is not involved in running the party directly.