why wasn't he invited to the party :(

oystercatcher

suki1964 wrote: »

Just wondering what sort of parties are being held for children where drinking and smoking around them is part and parcel

Some of the 'Every child in the class parties' my children were invited to also seemed to involve large numbers of adult friends and relatives of the familes and there was smoking and drinking going on. After a few of these I was quite concerned about the level of supervision at these parties and used to 'forget' to take my children as did many other parents. The children weren't bothered as it wasn't particularly close friends and they didn't really enjoy the party as there weren't many organised games etc.

As with many aspects of life 'normal' can mean different things for different families. Which is why many parents of small children prefer to socialise their children with families who they know well and trust.

Oystercatcher

Twopints

suki1964 wrote: »

Just wondering what sort of parties are being held for children where drinking and smoking around them is part and parcel

Has snowmaid's post been edited? I can not see where she says that people are smoking and drinking at the parties, just that there are people at the parties who smoke and drink i.e. at other times and places...

Janepig

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

It depends on the ages of the children. It is generally expected that once kids go to school, parents don't stay. But one or two will need to (for their children) during Reception year, as I had to with my eldest. And again, no-one minds this. Some children, especially younger siblings, are happy to left from 4th birthdays.

Bear in mind though that lots of parents hanging around are a major additional hassle to whoever is running the party. I have never seen any parents stay at 6th birthday parties onwards (Y1), unless they are helping out or chatting with the birthday child's parents who is not involved in running the party directly.

Not with us it isn't!! Besides which, whenever I've organised a party for DD, I'm so fraught with stress over making sure the party runs smoothly, theres no way I'd add to it by having to supervise other people's children too. And I don't see why parents who stay are a "major additional hassle" - all I've ever seen happen is parents sitting around the edge of the hall, or in the seating provided if it's a soft play place, chatting and just keeping half an eye on their children.

For instance, DD went to the first party of the "season" last Saturday (she's in the younger half of the year so all parties are March-August) which was in a community centre. 30-40 children aged six and under there and the place was not secure in terms of the doors not being locked etc.. How the birthday girl's mum could possibly have been expected to run the party, sort out party games, dancing, food, cake, party bags, taking photos etc... and also keep an eye out to make sure none of the children leave the building I don't know . Also, DD got her foot trodden on and was bruised and bleeding and had to be attended to and cleaned up - could I reasonably have expected the host to have to do that too?

I'm liking the way we do things more and more!!!

Jxx

galvanizersbaby

Janepig wrote: »

Not with us it isn't!! Besides which, whenever I've organised a party for DD, I'm so fraught with stress over making sure the party runs smoothly, theres no way I'd add to it by having to supervise other people's children too. And I don't see why parents who stay are a "major additional hassle" - all I've ever seen happen is parents sitting around the edge of the hall, or in the seating provided if it's a soft play place, chatting and just keeping half an eye on their children.

For instance, DD went to the first party of the "season" last Saturday (she's in the younger half of the year so all parties are March-August) which was in a community centre. 30-40 children aged six and under there and the place was not secure in terms of the doors not being locked etc.. How the birthday girl's mum could possibly have been expected to run the party, sort out party games, dancing, food, cake, party bags, taking photos etc... and also keep an eye out to make sure none of the children leave the building I don't know . Also, DD got her foot trodden on and was bruised and bleeding and had to be attended to and cleaned up - could I reasonably have expected the host to have to do that too?

I'm liking the way we do things more and more!!!

Jxx

Me too! do you want to swap?!:D
Seriously though I think as your DD gets older it will change

This morning my only just 5 year old DD has been invited to a 9 year old's birthday party at a play centre in town - (it is a lovely little girl from after school club who my DD socilaises with)
I can pretty much guarantee none of the other parents will stay so she will not want me there :eek: what to do?! - am mulling it over before I call party host's mum!

DonnaP

Hi

I agree about not leaving children at other people's parties when they are in halls etc. There is no way I'm leaving my 5 year old DD's in a sports hall having to go through the main reception area to use the toilet. These parties can have 30 plus kids there - how can they all be supervised? However, many parents do leave them.

I have no problem leaving my DD's at a small party at someone's house (I do know all the mothers). However, in my DD's class it seems that most people don't do these sort of parties (except us) and they are all large scale in halls. It only takes 1 child to wander of (or worse)! :eek:

Donna

Lunar_Eclipse

Janepig wrote: »

Not with us it isn't!! Besides which, whenever I've organised a party for DD, I'm so fraught with stress over making sure the party runs smoothly, theres no way I'd add to it by having to supervise other people's children too. And I don't see why parents who stay are a "major additional hassle" - all I've ever seen happen is parents sitting around the edge of the hall, or in the seating provided if it's a soft play place, chatting and just keeping half an eye on their children.

For instance, DD went to the first party of the "season" last Saturday (she's in the younger half of the year so all parties are March-August) which was in a community centre. 30-40 children aged six and under there and the place was not secure in terms of the doors not being locked etc.. How the birthday girl's mum could possibly have been expected to run the party, sort out party games, dancing, food, cake, party bags, taking photos etc... and also keep an eye out to make sure none of the children leave the building I don't know . Also, DD got her foot trodden on and was bruised and bleeding and had to be attended to and cleaned up - could I reasonably have expected the host to have to do that too?

I'm liking the way we do things more and more!!!

Jxx

I still think age is a huge factor, as well as party size obviously!

30-40 guests for a six year old's birthday party is just madness IMO. I don't know a single child that would prefer that many guests given the choice, nor cope well with the situation socially. One has to wonder who the party is actually for in those instances. (And OMG - the number of gifts and thank you letters to write!) With large parties like you have mentioned, of course the parents have to stay. I imagine both of mine would have needed me to stay in these circumstances, to feel safe and happy. So your comments about 'drop and go' parents are completely understandable.

Where we live, 20 would be considered a large (but normal) number for a party for infant school ages (5-7), dropping to a maximum of say 12 at junior age (7-11). Occasionally someone might have a whole class disco, although 2-4 friends for a cinema visit/sleepover would be more common.

There is a great rule about ideal guest numbers being the age of the birthday child plus one. So 7 is the optimum number of guests at a 6 yr old's birthday. My eldest has just turned 9; she had 6 friends to our house for an Oriental party (a few couldn't make it). DH & I were heavily engaged in doing origami & Chinese calligraphy with them, making tea for a traditional tea ceremony, running party games etc, so would find other parents distracting to say the least. We are always fully engaged in actually running the party, as opposed to operating them like a large playdate, hence my comment about parents staying. It just doesn't happen here, assuming the children feel safe and comfortable, you know the parents etc.

.

suki1964

Twopints wrote: »

Has snowmaid's post been edited? I can not see where she says that people are smoking and drinking at the parties, just that there are people at the parties who smoke and drink i.e. at other times and places...

Who knows how she meant it, I just know I read it that she meant parties where smoking and drinking was happening around children how else would she know they were smokers and drinkers otherwise? (well ok I will give you smokers - they stink:D )

suki1964

oystercatcher wrote: »

Some of the 'Every child in the class parties' my children were invited to also seemed to involve large numbers of adult friends and relatives of the familes and there was smoking and drinking going on. After a few of these I was quite concerned about the level of supervision at these parties and used to 'forget' to take my children as did many other parents. The children weren't bothered as it wasn't particularly close friends and they didn't really enjoy the party as there weren't many organised games etc.

As with many aspects of life 'normal' can mean different things for different families. Which is why many parents of small children prefer to socialise their children with families who they know well and trust.

Oystercatcher

I think I would be too. I know I dont like my GS to be subjected to smoke, hes the reason me and DH gave up after being life long smokers. And I would be very concerned if my GS was in the "care" of someone who was having a drink. If one large glass of wine is too much to drive a car - its way yo much to be caring for a child.

But thats my opinion only - ymmv

galvanizersbaby

suki1964 wrote: »

Who knows how she meant it, I just know I read it that she meant parties where smoking and drinking was happening around children how else would she know they were smokers and drinkers otherwise? (well ok I will give you smokers - they stink:D )

Yes I read it the same as twopints - I thought she meant that the adults (hopefully) attending a party may be smokers or drinkers (not that they would actually be partaking in this activity while attending said party.

The comment was in the light of people not allowing their children to attend parties because of their religion

Isn't it funny how different people interpret posts!:D we may never know for sure unless Snowmaid returns

galvanizersbaby

suki1964 wrote: »

Who knows how she meant it, I just know I read it that she meant parties where smoking and drinking was happening around children how else would she know they were smokers and drinkers otherwise? (well ok I will give you smokers - they stink )

and drinkers! - and if drinker and smoker double stink!:D