Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

fitzilian19

no solution as yet... they offered me the proceeds of the house sale and car, but that would still leave me having to live at my mothers (with 2 teenagers still at home and her working shifts as a police sergent)

i've spoken to a solicitor and she has told me to stay where i am until the baby is born and then make a decision. i told him i needed time to think and would not be making a decision quickly... he still got a valuer round (which proved my suspicions that i would be left with peanuts) and has been a bit threatening - ie saying the house prices will keep tumbling, he wont keep paying his share of the mortgage, i'll end up in loads of debt.

she also recommended i get him to buy me out of the mortgage - she thinks enough for a deposit on my own place wouldnt be too much to ask. i'd be happy with enough to cover my rent in a one bed place in the rough part of town while i go back to education.

plan to study initial teacher training, would take 4 years including access course, but by then baby will be starting school, would reduce my childcare costs, improve my work/homelife, make me eligiable for key worker housing and generally provide a safe, secure career - all of which can only be good for my baby.

he's proved that he doesnt really care for our baby - if he did he would see that living at my mum's would not be beneficial to the health or wellbeing of our child.

and also proven that he can love nothing as much as money. he just wants the house sold so he doesnt have to keep paying in each month.


spent the weekend with his sister and bro-in-law... shes been a big support and i felt she was much more on my side in all this.


had a pants week really.. chickens were eaten by the foxes and my great grandad died... he hadnt even seen the scan pic...

msb5262

Hello fitzilian19,
I've been following your thread from the start. Just wanted to say well done to you for being so level-headed and thinking through all the future stuff. I'm a teacher and a single parent of 3, and your plan sounds good. Not surprised you're feeling very low with everythingthat's happening, but I hope you'll take strength from the support we all want to offer here. You are doing brilliantly already and your OH is the loser in this scenario. Your baby will be very lucky to have you as a mum - you've already shown such strength and courage.
Best wishes,
MsB

jha

I am following your thread and think you are absolutley amazing:T:T:T

I am very sorry about the chickens.
My sincerest condolences to you and your family for the loss of your great grandad.

kindofagilr

fitzilian19 wrote: »

trust me i wanted him back... i love him sooo much, he's my life.

he didnt want me.

i cant do much more now than get my life sorted before the baby comes and try to be as friendly as possible with him for the sake of the baby.

I am so very sorry.

This is awful.

I am sure you will be fine, and you will meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treat!

fitzilian19

he's been hasseling me to make a decision about the house. also wont return the marriage cert...

i've told him not to contact me until after i've seen the midwife on wednesday - i've got to concerntrate on the baby and until she listens to the heartbeat i cant totally relax, not helped by him keeping on at me.

wannabe_sybil

I hope you don't mind me posting.

If you need the marriage certificate for any reason you will be able to get a certified copy from the registry office local to where you were married relatively inexpensively.

I hope all goes well for you.

fitzilian19

i had planned on filing for divorce this week... however he says he is going to.

can he file for divorce and be the one who has committed adultery?

if he tries to divorce me saying i've done something wrong i think i'd be tempted to refuse. he's then have to wait 2 years with us seperated wouldnt he? that would solve my housing issues...!

jha

Take heart Fitzilian - there are alot of prayers going on in our household for you at this difficult time. and i am sure this is going on with quite a few people on mse :grouphug:

i am sorry i don't know much about solicitors or divorce, but i am sure someone will come along shortly with some advice.

You said you had a solicitor can you not inform your husband to communicate with them on all aspects of this situation except the baby - which if he is interested he could get updates from his parents as you seem to be ok with them. that way you can relax and concentrate on the baby?

I cant believe just a few weeks ago he was saying you were "drifiting apart" and he is now divorcing - he must be crazy :mad:


You are doing brilliantly - i would have been no way as self restrained and dignified if it had happened to me:o

msb5262

i had planned on filing for divorce this week... however he says he is going to.

can he file for divorce and be the one who has committed adultery?

Just found this online for you fitzilian19:


There are five reasons for getting divorced:
Adultery
Unreasonable behaviour
Desertion
Two years separation with consent
Five years separation without consent

Hope that will be helpful.
MsB

wannabe_sybil

If your husband petitions on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and you wish to dispute this you need to go to solicitor and talk about cross petitioning for adultery.

If you divorce him on the grounds of adultery then you are likely to get a better financial settlement.

Also while some Christian churches will not allow remarriage in church after a divorce, some will especially if the cause for divorce was the adultery of the other person.

You need a copy of the marriage certificate to file for divorce.

I hope this helps. It sounds like you could do with spending a half hour with a solicitor who does free initial half hour consultations.