Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

fitzilian19

my solicitor is in court this week so cant speak to her...

my mum thinks he can file for divorce and admit his own adultery... sounds a bit iffy to me...


on the plus side, found a link via MSE about funding for students with children - looks like i'd be eligable for much more than the woman at CAB said - will go and speak to my local one soon but not til April.

gives me a bit of hope :-)

hex2

fitzilian - firstly big hugs for you.

According to my Which Guide to Divorce it no longer matters who committed adultery from the point of view of a financial settlement. If he is divorcing you then it will have to be for unreasonable behaviour - he has to come up with 4/5 reasons, like you want the baby and he doesn't, or that you are untidy, or that you smoke or something that is vaguely grounded in truth that makes it intolerable for him to remain married to you. What he may do is try and sue you for costs (about £750) for the divorce where as if you divorce him for adultery you can file for costs against him, and he may try and push it through without you making a 'prayer for financial assistance', you need to see a solicitor asap to make sure some form of spousal maintenance request is in. You can defend a claim of 'unreasonable behaviour' or of 'adultery' but I am told it is difficult and expensive.

fitzilian19

i'll speak to his parents i think. they seem to be the only ones who can get anything into him at the moment.

it's such a rubbish situation and i dont want things made worse by all this.

ceebeeby

Hi Fitz,

You mention in one of your earlier posts that you're both Christians. It would be good for the baby at least if you could remain married until after the birth (thinking of timings, this will probably happen anyway) IMHO.

You're doing fantastically well and are amazingly dignified. You are a fantastic role model for your child! Your husband must be nuts to throw his family away!

You're in my prayers also

cx

fitzilian19

he cant consider himself a christian after what he has done. i suspected anyway, but his bro in law agreed... he's just been going to church out of habit...

the baby will have his name. we are on friendly enough terms at the mo to sort out visitation rights etc. just the actual divorce and financial side of things that need to be done.

fitzilian19

i'm heading off to bed for a cry... just been forwarding all his emails to work so they are safely copied somewhere... was torture reading through them again... brought back all the hurt.

MadMac_2

Fitzilian, I'm sending you a big virtual hug and reassurance that the hurt will ease with time x

I'm so sorry to read your sad news and hope your week improves! Rest assured that your great grandad will be watching over you at this difficult time.

I have to agree with everybody again - you need legal advice ASAP about the divorce papers. Waiting a week for your solicitor is not a good idea and I hope you can get a message at least to them so you can get your legal representation up and running to counter if necessary.

You are so well rid of that man, you really are! He is sounding more and more infantile and phoney and you are worth so much more than that. You really do have the patience of a saint with him, you know.

Hope your time with the midwife puts everything else in the shade, which I'm sure it will! Thinking of you x

wannabe_sybil

He cannot petition on the grounds of his adultery. He has to say that he wants a divorce either because you have been separated for a while or because of something you have done.

You do not need to panic about seeing your solicitor this week. If he files for divorce this week then you will be able to address those problems next week, but I would check that your solicitor is right for you. A divorce specialist is rarely in court for an entire week. You will not suffer for one week's delay but if there are problems later then ask for telephone meetings (make sure you make good notes before and during) or whether your solicitor can recommend a suitably qualified colleague.

I think the important thing is your own health and that of your little one. If the waiting is causing problems then you need to address that and get an early consultation.

You may like to mention to your husband that legal aid charges accrued during an acrimonious divorce case are likely to be secured against the house - and you will not be worth chasing but he might.

Have you mentioned CSA? Spousal maintenance? Money can concentrate a mind remarkably well.

Good luck.

wannabe_sybil

Also - is he really likely to file for divorce this week? He is not handing over the certificate - you cannot file for divorce without it. He can only petition on the grounds of your unreasonable behaviour, which from the sound of it will be difficult. You could file for divorce on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour. He is throwing his weight around and saying he is doing this and that, all in a hurry. Is this like him?

Does he know how long a house can take to sell? Someone on the OS board has been trying to sell the house for two years!

I would suggest you spend some time in prayer and think about what is the best outcome for you and your child. It sounds like your husband is panicking about the baby and all that it entails, and now is caught up in a bit of a tangle. Acting immediately may not be in your best interest.

barnaby-bear

fitzilian19 wrote: »

my solicitor is in court this week so cant speak to her...

my mum thinks he can file for divorce and admit his own adultery... sounds a bit iffy to me...


on the plus side, found a link via MSE about funding for students with children - looks like i'd be eligable for much more than the woman at CAB said - will go and speak to my local one soon but not til April.

gives me a bit of hope :-)

NUS is fairly clued up on various funds/creches etc
http://www.nus.org.uk/Student-Life/Money-And-Funding/

http://161.115.srvlist.ukfast.net:7744/portal/page/portal/Website

OU has a lot of students with children so info. prominent (most of the funds / eligibility relevent at most unis)
http://www3.open.ac.uk/studyatou/apply/eng-and-ni.shtml