Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

pebbles88

oh my goodness, what a twit* he is being, I must agree with everyone in that you are being wonderfully mature and actually quite strong with it. You will make a wonderful Mum, and it will be him that loses out.

I do not have much advice to offer, but huge amount of ((((((((HUGS)))))))) to you though. I am sure that you will move on from this, and be happy. He does not deserve you, and he certainly needs to grow up!

* the polite version of the word it sounds like

Nerth

I have lurked on these forums for years, your thread inspired me to register and make my first post. The title of your thread made my heart stand still as I am in a similar position to yours. I noticed that my husband didn't treat me with much affection when I was pregnant with DD1 (now 3) and he was very distant after the birth. I tried not to think about it too much, just put it down to him not being a very affectionate person, or wondering if he felt depressed. I was concerned that he stopped going to church with me (we actually met in church!) but (to my shame) I also stopped attending regularly as it was difficult with a small baby. I fell pregnant again last year and he went back to being even more distant - I put it down to the shock of a completely unplanned pregnancy. Well, when I was 7 months pg we had a frank discussion and he admitted he didn't love me.

I could go on but don't want to hijack your thread! I just wanted to echo the posts that said how well you're doing, and also the advice about getting counselling and talking to your midwives are really important, the midwives were a great support to me. Also, don't worry about feeling extreme emotions: I would go from crying so much I would have a panic attack and make myself sick(!) to going to work/looking after my toddler as if nothing had happened. It was just a coping mechanism and didn't mean that I was cracking up! I did (in dark moments still do) feel bitter that the baby's arrival was "ruined" by a cloud hanging over it but once she arrived (on New Year's Day!) nothing could ruin that. And far from being depressed and unable to cope (I was really worried that the stress in the background might contribute to PND or something) I slept better (in between night feeds!) than I had in months. Apparently it's something to do with the hormones produced while breastfeeding.

At the moment, my 2 girls bring so much light into my life and make me think that I've got more important things to worry about than my husband's feelings changing towards me. You seem like a strong person and you are blessed with lots of support from family and friends so you will get through this too.

Skintchick, your post nearly made me cry - it summed up how I've been trying NOT to be bitter (I think the OP will probably feel like this too) Part of me is very bitter and resentful and focusses on what he's taken from me and my daughters, I feel humiliated that I've tried so hard to salvage the relationship and allowed myself to put up with so much. I get angry because I have no control over the situation. Then the other part of me feels compassion for my husband because he will lose so much more than me. I also know that I can hold my head up high BECAUSE I know I tried hard, and I have tried really hard not to be a bitter and resentful person. I'm not saying I have succeeded 100% because then I would not be human!

I wish you very well, OP, although you don't need it - things will work out ok for you I'm sure, although maybe not as planned. There are so many messages on these forums of people who've been through trials and have come out the other end and they have inspired me to look at the future more positively.

fitzilian19

well went to see citizens advice today. they wont do anything until i've been homeless for 5 years because i have interest in a property now. if i sell the house i'm making myself intentionally homeless... so they wont help then either.

wouldnt do a 'better off' calculation because rates etc will be changing in april and would have changed again by time i finish maternity leave.

put me in a [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] mood... left school, worked and paid all the taxes etc, and now i'm in this situation they wont do anything to help!

movingon

Please go and see a solicitor. You have rights as a woman (who will have a ) with dependent child, particularly given husband has somewhere to live himself.
I would give you a hug if I could. Stay Strong. You will have all the joy of your baby and he will have none.

fitzilian19

had a good cry with his mum... still not forthcoming with much help...

meeting him at the house tonight with his parents and my mum when she finishes work. hoping to get a decision made on getting the house valued...

feeling a bit low at the mo.. guess it was hard hearing what the woman at CAB had to say... i had been relying on getting on their housing list... now i'm stuck in limbo until something can be decided about money etc.

ailuro2

there are still private landlords out there, don't give up hope.

Something will turn up, might not be as big a house as you hoped, and might not be in such a great area, but you will adapt surprisingly well, and have somewhere for you and baby to live..

audbod38

It may not seem like it at the moment but you will be fine. Once the baby is born you will realise you are better off without him, i went through a very similiar experience when pregnant with my first child (i wasnt married though just lived together), he left me when i was 7 months pregnant to go back to his ex( he was single when we met). I cried, got angry ,got scared and worried about how i was going to cope with a baby on my own, and knowing i would have to give up work after my maternity leave ran out. When my son was born he turned up drunk at the hospital , i had him removed, and even though my boy is now nearly 15 he has only ever seen him once, his choice., but i did get through it , i realised quickly he was a piece of sh*t, and him leaving was the best thing he ever did for me. I met someone else and went on to have another 2 children, still together, he adopted my oldest and has always treated him like his own, so even though it looks bleak just now, he just might have done you a favour in the long run, were as the other woman will no doubt go through the same as you in a few years time. Sending hugs to you xxxxx

k1mmie

Just sat mezmerized by your thread. I am so sorry for what you have gone through and how you must be feeling. It is hard to see it at this stage, but you will become a much stronger person through this. You sound like a very mature, and loving person and that is all your baby will need - you! After the shock has passed you can look forward to your life with your child and give them all your love. You are still very young and with a person with those qualities you will find a caring, loving partner. Your husband has shown total lack of respect for his marriage vows and for you, as he wanted to make sure he had another bed to go to before he told you. He had this planned from the start and has acted like a coward. God Bless you and your child.

Dinah93

Just found your thread, and just wanted to say my prayers are with you and your baby. You are acting in a very mature, responsible way, and with an amazing degree of dignity. In his shoes I would be ashamed to show my face in church, he commited adultery and left the woman he had sworn in front of God to protect and love for the rest of his life. He has clearly turned his back on his faith by going to live with this woman.

Hope your meeting with him later goes well, and you find a solution to your housing problems. x

MadMac_2

OP, I join everybody in sending you support and hugs.

I was not surprised to read that you wished you "could rewind 2 years and insist we move somewhere else." But eventually you will realise it wouldn't have mattered where you are - he would have done exactly the same thing, just with a different woman. He is the lesser person in your relationship and just wasn't up to the job. He will look back in the years to come and regret this time more than you will.

You are most certainly going to find someone far more deserving of your love and loyalty, you just don't know it yet! Life will look a whole lot brighter the moment your baby arrives and your world will be an instantly brighter and happier one for it.

I'm afraid in these situations our families cannot help but take sides, however much they try to sit on the fence. So don't expect a huge outburst of support from his parents; he is their son, after all, and the phrase 'blood is thicker than water' applies - they might feel very differently inside (think how ashamed they must be of their son?) but they cannot express this and show what they would see as disloyalty in the way that your family and friends can. These relationships will be much more rewarding and long lasting anyway.

It will not feel like it for a while, I know - but you WILL recover from this and enjoy life far more than you have been doing, you just don't know it yet. Life is soon to start in a much more positive way for you and the fog will clear.

Lots of love and hugs to a very brave and dignified lady x