Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

Katyag

fitzilian19 wrote: »

now i've approached people about it i've had loads of support.. especially from his family... they're all christians and cannot believe what he's done.

i know i cant rely on them completely because he is their son and he has to come first for them, i do believe we've got a great relationship and they wouldnt abandon me completely.

my family has also been great - mum went through all this about 15 years ago so we're on some sort of great big cycle...

I would think your inlaws would be putting your unborn baby first. Their son is big enough to make his own (stupid) decisions, where as this baby needs everything.

Thriftysaver

Hi Fitzillian19

I didn't mean to cut and run yesterday. I received visitors as it was my day off and had to come of computer. I have just started volunteering in my local CAB so if I can help at all do pm me and if I can help I sure will, although I'm still new so bear with me.

I do know that you will be eligible for housing as you are pregnant, so don't panic too much.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I thought about you all last night. I won't repeat what my hubby said. (my second and I love him to bits)

My first husband didn't think I would divorce him as I was a devout catholic at the time. I'm not saying that I don't believe in it anymore, just not as strictly now, although catholicism never leaves you.

Anyway when I had my second child I was just 22 and the day I came out of the hospital my first oh told me that he couldn't cope and left me. My mum was disgusted and I was just numb and in bits. He came back after 5 days and I took him back. we had another two kids and he did this all through our marriage. I was always short of money, I couldn't go anywhere with my friends or family (he used manipulation and emotional blackmail)and he completely controlled me. I divorced him after 9 years of marriage(we were together 5 years before we married)

He put HIS life before me and his children. I know this now, hindsight being a wonderful thing.

I know I told you to give him an ultimatum and I still stand by that, knowing what I know now. And I'm not saying that if he wants to come back that you shouldn't. Only you can do what feels right for you. I still think he's a coward though, putting you through this at this time in your life.

I just want you to know though that my life now is in complete contrast to the life I had with my first hubby. I have been married to a wonderful man for the past 8 years (been together 10). Both of us are in 2nd marriage and I feel this one is for life. He is my best friend. I trust him implicitly. We are in tune with each other and I know he loves me (and my kids) We also have two more children together.

So, you can have a life after him, if that is how it ends up. My oh did'nt see his kids for over 9 years and unfortunately he died last year. I never stopped him seeing his kids (even though I had no hope and Bob Hope of getting any maintenance from him). Myself and my now hubby have supported my/our kids both emotionally and financially.

Give him every opportunity to be a good dad. You sound like a good person and I don't think you will use your child as a !!!!!!. It would work to your favour in the end anyway. (you'll be able to have a life and time out from the baby). Forgive me if I'm talking a bit far ahead. I just want you to know that you will be fine. Don't worry too much, keep plenty of friends and family around you for support. And don't worry about what HE wants right now(in not discussing it with your elders). You've done nothing wrong. And moving in with her next week doesn't sound like 'Nothing has happened yet'. They have obviously discussed it for a while and even if he hadn't he's been unfaithful in the mind. He is a first class prat in my opinion and YOU deserve better.

I still feel so angry for you. You take good care of yourself and the baby and don't worry.


Thrifty:A

love-hearts

What a sad situation OP, I'm not great at giving advce but wanted to wish you and your baby all the best xx.

fitzilian19

thanks everyone.

i had a chat with mum and the more i think about the more i realise how much he controlled my life... i'd previously had a wonderful relationship with my uncle and aunt (who were massive help to mum when dad left) he caused problems between us and until i see them 2mo i hdnt seen them since my wedding day.

i love him and i dont want him to come out of this hurt too... seems such a waste. i suppose i'm still in shock (body not coping well - cant keep food down and worried this could harm baby) and i really cant understand how she could do it.. she knew i am pregnant, that he is married and has been 'treated terribly in previous relationships' (his words not mine)

anyway - she's coming up for 30 and he knows she wants a family. i just hope he doesnt do the same to her if they go through with it.


i cant see him taking much of an interest in the baby willingly. his parents might push him. i'm not going to use the baby as leverage - my dad was a complete a/h and i know how much it messes kids up... i'm going to make an effort to stay on friendly terms - if only so contact etc can be arranged.

lots of friends from church and mine and his family have really been a massive support - i'm going to stay with his sister next weekend. and hopefully he'll be too much of a whimp to go on holiday with his family in June, so i can go with them instead. beig christians they wouldnt accept her coming until they married which i assume would be a while off - if she'd have him.

JoJoB

Well what a charming couple those two are going to make! The selfishness and deceit that started their relationship is really going to bode well for their future isn't it. And she wants a baby with a man who has just abandoned his pregnant wife and child? What a fool! Imagine the paranoia if she gets her wish?

You sound unbelievably together and mature about all this, but I know you must be churning inside. It's a real testament to your faith that you are even attempting to be civil to him or stay on friendly terms. Not many of us could manage that in this situation. You are clearly a very strong and dignified person. There is somebody waiting in your future who will see these qualities and give you the partnership you need and deserve.

aliasojo

Just wanted to agree with JoJo. Iit sounds like you were unevely matched from the start, you are a much better person than your OH is.

Things are sent to test us, you will emerge from this happier and stronger even although it must be so hard for you right now. What goes around comes around and your OH will have his to reap one day. As will his selfish new love interest.

ailuro2

do you think he'll try to come home with his tail between his legs once his lesbian fling is confirmed pregnant and he has fulfilled his purpose as a sperm donor?

If I were gay and wanted a donor I'd pick someone whose equipment was known to be working!!

Shame your husband fell for it, though!:mad:

Wishing you all the very best, don't be afraid to let the church know what's going on - they will rally round and support you, and someone may have somewhere you can rent cheaply - church networks can throw up a great amount of help when one of the flock is in need.;)

fitzilian19

hope so... dont want to spend my life alone.

ailuro2

better for it to be you and the baby and your wider family than you and someone who wanders off and isn't committed to the family he has already created.

I know my DH had a bit of a wobble when we unexpectedly found out I was pg, but we got over it eventually, (nothing as wild as taking off with a gay badminton instructor) and are now very settled, DD is 10 and it's just a distant memory.

Eat higher calorie foods in small quantities to try to get some food into your body, ask your Dr. about help to get through this, he can prescribe things to help you sleep that won't harm the baby, if you feel it would be more beneficial for you to be eating and sleeping better.
Ginger and ginger biscuits help to ease sickness feelings, hop over to the pregnancy thread in the health forum here, it'll be full of great tips for you.

Stay well, and remember what goes around comes around

fitzilian19

i joked to his mum that if he acts like this when she gets preg MIL'll have loads of mini-hims around the country... dont think it helped but had to try and lighten the mood...