Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

MORPH3US

fitzilian19 wrote: »

i only wish he'd decided before we got pregnant... poor baby

Not poor baby at all.... very lucky baby to have such a strong and caring mother.....

He needs to grow a pair and start acting like a grown up!

FairyElephant_2

Piggles12345 wrote: »

I don't think he is a Christian!! The above two sentiments do not sit together if he believe what his own holy books tells him!

Sadly typical of many who call themselves Christians I''m afraid - my now DH's ex wife goes to church every Sunday and has a large social group within her church, and sent their children to Sunday School and to a church school...yet she still managed to have an affair and become pregnant by another man, lie about it repeatedly to my DH (well hers at the time, obviously!) then tricked him into letting her have almost everything at the breakup with more lies. She still goes to church every Sunday!

OP - I feel so sorry for your situation and hope that you can sort out something soon. If you still feel your relationship has a future then please try to get some counselling such as Relate - either with or without him. If not, then try to be strong and get shot of him ASAP and concentrate on your life & health and your baby's.
Good luck.
FE

tsstss7

OP just wanted to say that you will cope alone if you need to. Remember your OH has had longer to adjust to the thought of splitting than you so may be less emotionally invested in staying together.

If he is not prepared to give up the other woman straight away then maybe you should be seriously considering your future and perhaps talking to your family - they may be able to support you emotionally and practically and as you are only 16 weeks pregnant you have plenty of time to sort your finances out (if you are destined to be alone) before the baby comes - it would be LOADS harder with a newborn in tow.

When it comes to contact issues and csa etc if I was you I would make no firm arrangements until you have all the other practicalities sorted and you know where you are going to be living and so on. In my opinion there is no one size fits all contact that works - it must always be dependant upon the needs of the child at the time, as a small child changes so frequently, it is easier to make decisions when appropriate. You don't know how you are going to feel about being apart from your newborn and how it will fit in with his/her needs. If for example you are breast feeding then contact is only likely to be a question of a few hours at a time at first so it may have to be every day (or there abouts) to be meaningful in the first few months....

Anyway hopefully it will not come to that and your OH will come to his senses.

timnicebutdim_2

Thriftysaver wrote: »

Let him know what he will lose. Value yourself.

Exactly! He may be acting like a prat and his timing is atrocious, but he might just be feeling overwhelmed and a little trapped.

He needs to realise what he's got now and what he will loose if he lets his selfish feelings overpower him. He needs to imagine what it will be like when the little one arrives and your holding the baby in your arms; picture the scene, will he truly be happier if you are split up??

Maybe take control of the situation yourself and go to your parents or somewhere for a few days to have some time out and think about your relationship and whether you want to split up with him. It might give him a kick up the backside that he needs and make him realise what he's already got!!

Hope it works out for you all.

mwa

Hello

I'm very sorry for your situation. From my experience partners may feel unhappy but don't generally do anything about it until there is another alternative for them - i.e this badminton instructor. Most people would stay in the security of a relationship, even if it isn't ideal, that go it alone.

My now husband cheated on me when our baby was 6 months old and we were meant to be getting married in 10 days time when I found out. He said that he'd felt we'd bee 'dritfing apart' and all the usual blarney, we went through a LOT of counselling as we both wanted to try and salvage something. After all this, it turns out to be a simple problem; he's not getting the attention he wants, someone else gives it to him and rather than work on our problems he takes the easy way out. We worked through the problems and got married over a year later and everything has been fine since then. He realises now what he could have lost.

I think you need to work out whether you still want this guy in your life and if it is worth saving. The other woman is more likely a symptom instead of a cause, for many people it could easily be drink or drugs that they turn to.

MWA

AnnieM_3

So you're 16 weeks pg, and he's just got 'involved' with a lesbian badminton instructor...

MID LIFE CRISIS!

Tell him to pull himself together, stop behaving like a spoilt kid and grow a pair. He has a responsibility to this baby - and not just a financial one. No person will respect their parent when they find out they are a selfish, spineless moron.

I'm truly disgusted with his behaviour - I mean, why decide to try for a baby if he wasn't sure about the relationship? As for getting 'involved' with the lesbian badminton instructor, I'm sorry, but you just don't do this to a pregnant woman (not that there's ever going to be a good time to do it) - it's the absolute lowest of the low.

At least you will have your child, whether your no-backbone louse of a bloke sticks around or not. To be honest, it sounds like you're better off without him.

Good luck and best wishes for the coming months!

AnnieM x

Silaqui

My thoughts echo those of most of the others here - I just wanted to say, if you need to talk to someone about this even if just for some support for you, then do it. If your church elder is someone you feel you could chat to, then do it whether or not your husband wants you to or not. He obviously doesn't give a jot about what you might want.
Thinking of you xx

Katyag

I agree that he could just be freaking out at the thought of a baby coming.

My DH and I had issues when I was pregnant with DS1. He told me he loved me like a sister and that was it (was other stuff too but dont want to drag it all up), queue loads of tears, rows, stormings out etc.

Like someone else said I made it clear what he was losing, me and his much wanted baby son. He did some soul searching, spent some time alone, went to his mums grave to 'talk' to her (ha he spoke to his estranged dad and he told him to leave me baby and all !!!!!!!! he did that to DH's mum so reckoned that was the answer!) and after a horrible time we got back on track.

I think he found me being pregnant strange, he didnt want sex while i was pregnant first time was worried something would happen to baby. Our second pregnancy however was totally different, it became 'normal' to him and he fussed over me like crazy and made me feel like a princess!

I think us mums have loads of books to read people to talk to but dads are expected just to get on with it even tho their lives are changing massively too.

I do hope OP and hubby can sort things out, if men spoke about how they were feeling more things wouldnt get so bad i think.

SugarSpun

OK, so his current crush is a lesbian badminton instructor?

It sounds to me as though he's deliberately (unconsciously) chosen someone unavailable because he doesn't want to leave you, he's just afraid of the changes that are coming. If your church has marriage guidance, that might be the way for you.

Don't panic. It's bad for you, bad for the baby and doesn't solve anything. I work with a fair number of individuals who are suffering varying amounts of trauma and upheaval in their lives, and pregnancy is often as hard on the father as it is on the mother.* They don't get to feel the little movements, then the kicking, or the sickness, and so they don't appreciate the wonder of pregnancy as soon as mothers do. He's still focussed on the terrifying aspect of the things that are going to change, and trying to escape them.

My husband quit smoking and went into full scale anxiety for a while. It's only now he can see the expansion of my belly and feel the baby kick (when s/he cooperates) that he calmed down and started to get into the good bits. Hang in there, ask for advice from the church and keep communicating with your husband. You'll be fine whatever happens.


*Note: I'm 20+6, and may not say this when I've gone through labour. I mean in an emotional sense.

fitzilian19

we talked last night along with his parents... he thinks the other woman is long term (they both love each other) but wants more time to decide. i've told him i cant live in our house together if he's going to come home and go straight out to her.
i'm staying with my mum til sunday night - then he'll have to find somewhere else to stay.

given him until next weekend to make a decision... he either comes to his sister's with me or he spends the weekend packing his stuff.