Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

MoneySavingStudent_2

If he needs time to think about it.. its not worth it!
If he loved you enough to give you a good life (that u deserve) and support the baby etc he'd have already made the decision by now x

Nicki

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I think it is the OP that matters right now,

Me too! I hope nothing I've written suggests otherwise.

I've read the thread again, and I'm just concerned because OP is very young, and she's pregnant, and she doesn't have any form of financial security. It's a huge decision to take to throw your husband out, and one she has come to very quickly, and it will have enormous ramifications both for her, him and for the child for the rest of all their lives.

It is a horrible horrible situation for OP to be in, and I completely understand that, but I personally (and it is my personal opinion) think that it is a huge mistake to make such a big decision on the spur of the moment without fully thinking through the pros and the cons.

I hope the church will support her if it all goes the way it looks like it may. And I hope she has friends and family in real life who will also support her. But I still think (and again its my personal opinion) that she needs to take a measured decision in accordance with her own moral and religious views and compass, and in full consideration of all the ramifications of that decision now and in the future. And if posting some other perspectives on the situation means that OP does stop and think again about what she is doing (even if she ultimately comes to the same decision) then I think that is worth doing.

We can all of us tell her she is worth more and that her husband is a rat, but none of us have to live with the consequences of going it alone as a young single parent with no money and no home, and none of us can possibly know whether her husband is genuinely a waste of space, or a young man suffering a momentary lapse of judgment and period of mental illhealth, who will go on to become a loving husband and father of many. The fact that he is himself an active Christian, and one who is clearly wrestling with his conscience at the moment, tends to suggest (again in my personal opinion) that he may be worth fighting for, rather than discarding at the first storm.

My own experience (having met my husband at a similarly early age to OP) is that all marriages go through their tough times and both parties sometimes act in ways which they will later be ashamed of, and certainly in the early years we sometimes wondered whether we would last the distance, but 22 years and 2 children and 1 pending later, it was worth having faith in each other.

Nicki

MoneySavingStudent wrote: »

If he needs time to think about it.. its not worth it!

Or, if he knew at the drop of the hat, he's not worth it?

A complete !!!!!! would go out, have a meaningless affair, and as soon as he was caught in the act, would immediately choose his wife, because the other woman meant nothing to him.

A decent man, in turmoil over a major life changing event, just might find himself attracted to another woman, not act upon it, but feel guilty about beig unfaithful in thought to his wife, and have concerns whether that meant he was unable to commit to her properly. He might therefore need a small amount of time (without seeing the other woman) to reflect on what happened, before he was able to tell his wife 100% that he was there for her for the rest of her life.

MoneySavingStudent_2

If he ends up coming back to the OP.. it maybe just for the baby, which is unfair on the OP..

And if he does come back.. what happens when he starts to learn tennis and finds that instructor good lookin?

fitzilian19

update... he's moving in with her this weekend.

not cried too much yet... bit numb really.

i wanted to approach my elders etc at church but he got angry when i said so... they now know and i have their support. also that of his parents for the moment. i'm good friends with his mum and sister /bro in law so will work on keeping in contact with them.. only fair for the baby also...

he told me last night he loved her and it would be easier if i hated him - i gave him a week to think about it and he had no second thoughts about moving in with her. he told me he cant live with me and spend his time thinking about her. he's moving in with her - only a matter of time before he commits adultery - which is an acceptable reason for divorce in the church.

i tried to work on the marriage. but while i was going through the bible and praying and looking at ways to save our relationship, he was going out to see her and looking at CSA websites etc to see how much our baby would cost him when he leaves... you cant rescue a marriage when half the people involved dont want to.


going to speak to my bible study leader this week when i go back home. i know he'll be a big help spiritually but also with the financial side of things cos he is a financial advisor.

just got to get myself sorted now. going to try and get an evening next week to speak with his parents about things like selling the house, car etc - although it looks like the house is now worth £25k less than we paid august 07, we did put down a bit deposit so should come out with £10k in total.

put myself on my mums local authority housing list - i cant live with her as she has no space, younger siblings etc, so i'll be homeless once the house has sold. homeless and pregnant puts you at priority 2 i think.

fitzilian19

trust me i wanted him back... i love him sooo much, he's my life.

he didnt want me.

i cant do much more now than get my life sorted before the baby comes and try to be as friendly as possible with him for the sake of the baby.

Nicki

I am very sorry.

Hope you can get lots of support now, both emotionally and on the practical side too.

Katyag

Im so sorry to hear this. You seem to have a very sensible head on your shoulders, do give yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage. I know there is lots to be sorted but take care of yourself.

Trying hard to remain polite about him, just hope he realises in the future what he has done and what he has lost. My DH has never forgiven his father for leaving his mother.

MORPH3US

Jeez, the other day he "hadn't slept with her" and now he's moving in with her.... What the hell?!?!

Leaving your wife and (unborn) child to move in with someone you've played badminton a few times with seems a bit extreme....

I suspect he won't be with her for long, then it'll be the case of does he come crawling back (when he realises what he's missed) or does he just move on...

fitzilian19

now i've approached people about it i've had loads of support.. especially from his family... they're all christians and cannot believe what he's done.

i know i cant rely on them completely because he is their son and he has to come first for them, i do believe we've got a great relationship and they wouldnt abandon me completely.

my family has also been great - mum went through all this about 15 years ago so we're on some sort of great big cycle...