Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

Caterina

Dear Fitz,

So sorry to hear about all your difficulties. I just wanted to say that you sound like a strong and resourceful young woman and I am sure you will come out of this stronger and happier. Ultimately, it is better that the love-rat has shown his true colours now, rather than after you had the baby, now you can plan in advance of the birth and prepare your little nest for you and your baby.

Make sure you get ALL you can out of him, all that you are rightfully entitled to and do not let him weaken you or make you feel small.

I hope you will have someone friendly and supportive with you tomorrow when you meet him.

Warmest wishes for a future that I am sure will be much rosier than it might look now. I know you cannot see it now but in a year's time you will be able to.

((((((HUGS))))))

Caterina

jha

How did it go yesterday fitzilian? Are you ok?:o

fitzilian19

i text him an hour before he was due to arrive asking for paperwork for things like bills etc so i can work out budgets etc...

turned up 2 hours later in her car and steps in mud, so spends half hour cleaning his shoes in my sink while his parents are working on things like damp and i'm trying to hoover using the one they brought with them... got my back up straight away.

mum came up for the meeting after 4 hours sleep... she lost her cool with him (shes been so restrained up til now so it was going to happen).. he just sits there,letting his parents do all the talking!

i shouted too... i'm filling out forms etc and need to know my expenses and i havent a clue - theyre sat in a folder at her house. he sits there all high and mighty (he cant possibly share a house and reduce his rent costs that way - and he has to have enough money to pay for his precious badminton - and his dad kept on about it not being fair for me to expect him to pay bills for a house hes not living in --- he chose to leave!!!!) phew, breathe!!



hes still adamant she wont let him stay (so y put on her insurance!?!) and needs his own place so cant afford to keep contributing towards the bills. if we can put the mortgage down to interest only we will.


found a statement for the joint account he left - worked out i could survive the 6 months on SMP in this house, if he pays half mortgage, half house insurance and if i can take a lodger for £350 a month to pay my half of mortgage. my SMP and his child maintenance will pay bills...

at least then i wouldnt need to worry about finding somewhere else to live and if we could keep the house til prices go up it should help us both out later on.


going to run this past mum 2mo.. see what she has to say.



my friend moved in today - mainly to keep me company (she has been sharing a bed with her sister for 6 months!) she cant contribute at the mo cos shes jsut been told shes being made redundant from week after next. going to use this as a trial-run. if it works out i'll ask if shes interested in staying, and i would then expect her to pay... depends on her finding a full time job though..




thanks for all your support guys... really wanted a chat yesterday and couldnt cos forum wasnt working... glad its up and running again!

barnaby-bear

fitzilian19 wrote: »

my friend moved in today - mainly to keep me company (she has been sharing a bed with her sister for 6 months!) she cant contribute at the mo cos shes jsut been told shes being made redundant from week after next. going to use this as a trial-run. if it works out i'll ask if shes interested in staying, and i would then expect her to pay... depends on her finding a full time job though..




thanks for all your support guys... really wanted a chat yesterday and couldnt cos forum wasnt working... glad its up and running again!

Your mate should sign on asap for her own benefit - she gets her NI paid and will carry on getting pension entitlement. This will also make a LHA (housing benefit) claim easier. If she isn't earning LHA will pay her rent - but not her bills (so you might want to think about how to set the rent) - check out LHA levels for your area to know how much they will pay.

There is plenty of help and support for abandonned wives with children and very little for feckless single guys knocking off fake-lesbian badmington instructors - he might not want to pay the mortgage or share a house but you are jointly liable on the mortgage and if you are on maternity pay, have allowances made for supporting a child the mortgage company will pursue him and his earnings so defaulting will harm him far more than you.... if you are only receiving SMP you may be entitled to other benefits which may trigger mortgage income support
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/paying_for_a_home/help_to_pay_mortgage_interest
you really should post on the benefits / tax credits boards as the experts there may well be able to work out your best course of action.
I'm really glad your kid is going to be growing up with one decent honourable committed parent rather than watching dad acting like a 14 year old sneaking around being a hypocrite.

jha

I was thinking of you when the forums were down wondering if you were ok. Iam sorry the meeting did not go well - he seems to be getting more horendous by the minute :eek: so a big hug for you :grouphug:

carbonmonoxide

This guy has broken his marriage vows and walked out on the mother of his unborn child - and he is the one moaning he can't afford rent and a mortgage? Tough luck mate. Surely legally he should be held accountable for his actions. I wouldn't accept any settlement without the advice of your lawyer as I'm sure this guy doesn't have a leg to stand on. Obviously the lawyer is the best person to go to for advice on this matter, as other people have already said. He'll have to fork out for CSA too. He's got himself in this situation so he should be a man and pay his dues.

fitzilian19

well i'm going to see my solicitor 2mo afternoon... what do you think i'll need to take?

she knows the basic info from when i've spoken to her over the phone. i'll be taking the marriage cert - and my cheque book for the fees (he will be getting an invoice for that)


my friend is getting on my nerves... silly things - i'm hoping its cos i've never shared a house except with my ex and with him it was totally different..?


i wont be trying to keep the house i think. i cant rely on having a lodger with a baby... and i cant pay the mortgage and bills without one...

MadMac_2

Hi Fitzilian, I am sure lots of us on here will understand your frustrations - living with a friend is as difficult as living with a stranger and takes quite some getting used to! I would give it a little more time and try to make some ground rules if that would help.

So glad you are seeing your solicitor - try to get clear in your mind what you hope to achieve from the meeting and you should be OK.

Hope you are looking after yourself and the little one x

Uniscots97

fitzilian19 wrote: »

well i'm going to see my solicitor 2mo afternoon... what do you think i'll need to take?

she knows the basic info from when i've spoken to her over the phone. i'll be taking the marriage cert - and my cheque book for the fees (he will be getting an invoice for that)


my friend is getting on my nerves... silly things - i'm hoping its cos i've never shared a house except with my ex and with him it was totally different..?


i wont be trying to keep the house i think. i cant rely on having a lodger with a baby... and i cant pay the mortgage and bills without one...

Sharing can be difficult especially as you are used to it being your space. Why not draw up some house rules? In mine I asked for solitary use of the living room when my favourite programme was on to yes I don't mind sharing the blue bubble bath but not the red. ......Sounds petty but it stopped all out war.

I've only just read through your whole thread. Chin up, you can get through this. Sending you a hug.

fitzilian19

i think its just cos she now thinks shes my new best friend... i've never had particuarly close friendships (that was my hubby's role) so this seems too overwhelming. she's just 'there' all the time....

she hasnt washed up etc yet, and i paid an extra £20 on food shopping this week to accomodate her - feels like i'm paying someone to be a guest in my own house...


hoping this will pass... ?



just been to dinner with a couple from church - the Gossips... spent all night warding off constant questions...and i know anything i did say will be round the entire church/ town / country in about 10mins...!! they mean well but it was a bit too much...



got my hair restyled this morning and bought myself some makeup and the baby some little bits... felt like a lovely relaxing day, chance to take my mind off things...



i know the solicitor is the right route... but it seems a shame it had to come to this.



my friend is step-mum to ex's friend, aparantly they are meeting for a drink soon and ex has already told him that he feels like his family are more on my side than his... i said it doesnt feel that way when we're in a room together, and my friend pointed out that they're prob showing that protective side in public and telling him how stupid etc he's been when no one else can hear...