Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

Uniscots97

Fitz, it will pass and ignore the silly comment above we do believe you. When will your friend be able to pay her way? If she can't pay her way at the moment then (if it was me) I'd be asking her to help out around the house etc. Draw up the rules soon and as for your hubby thinking its unfair his family has taken your side, then he's only got himself to blame. Chin up girl.

fitzilian19

he just called... we're putting the mortgage to interest only. i shouted again (then cried as soon as i hung up on him) he's given me a copy of the joint account statement and i can find no evidence of him paying in £300 i gave him for the nursery to be plastered.

he admits he used £100 on a special outfit for a night out with 'her' but claims the other £200 went in there. i can see he paid in £900 last month - usually pay in £800 each, so thats still £100 short. i've taken £300 out of the joint account anyway and put aside for more baby stuff, but in effect it's taking out money i've paid in too (if you see what i mean)

he then started on about there being more money in there than needs be and hes paid in extra in the past... but thats not the point. when we first married, that account was mine and i forgot to change the details for amazon and spent £20 on it. he went ballistic, bought it up in front of his parents etc... now he's done much worse!


he also reckons he's worked out on spreadsheets that i can afford to live here on my own. i sent him a mail to remind him that i'll be living on £400 a month come november and as my half the mortgage is £300 i cant see how all the other bills will be paid with the £100 i have left.


i have also said he needs to contribute to the costs of equipment etc...he said nothing needs to be bought yet.. they way things are going i wouldnt be suprised if this baby decides to come early and i dont want a last min rush trying to get whatever we can as the baby is arriving!


and Tsstss7... i wont be taking him back. can never trust him, he doesnt love me and so far has shown a complete lack of interest in baby. i dont want to live my life wondering when he's going to run off again and i cant let the baby go through that either.

BeenieCat

If i was you i'd be taking every penny of what's in the joint account, but you're a lot more dignified and patient than i could ever be in this situation.

galvanizersbaby

Hi Fitz

Been following your thread and have to say you sound like a lovely lady.

Your ex to be however really doesn't sound mature enough to sort this out between you - he really doesn't sound capable.:(

I realise you feel you have/want to attempt to be seen as co-operative by liasing with him/his parents etc... but please don't agree to anything without consulting your solicitor first
I really wouldn't pay much attention to anything he's worked out on a spreadsheet at this stage - humour him if you have to but stick to the advice of your solicitor (I say this because I have a feeling from some of your posts that it is not in your nature to be this way and he will know this)

He is the one in the wrong - remember that at all times!

Amanda65

Hi Fitz

Hope you the baby are both keeping as well as you can in the circumstances. I do follow your thread but have only just had time to comment

fitzilian19 wrote: »

and his dad kept on about it not being fair for me to expect him to pay bills for a house hes not living in

and equally you and his grandchild shouldn't be expected to move just becasuse his son is an @rsehole

fitzilian19 wrote: »

hes still adamant she wont let him stay (so y put on her insurance!?!) and needs his own place so cant afford to keep contributing towards the bills

Hmmm - sounds to me as though she is quite happy to have an 'affair' but doesn't want to wash his pants and cook his dinner? I seem to remember from a thread sometime back that you said she was in a relationship with another woman but wanted a family - the term 'sperm donor' springs to mind

From now on in, I would keep a note and receipts for everything you buy for the baby and make sure he contributes.

Keep going - you're doing really well x

BeenieCat

GucciMane wrote: »

But that is not fair. is it really worth ruining his life aswell? That is close to stealing when he is atleast trying to help out.

Well he's dragging his feet about buying stuff for the baby and it's his fault she's going to be left struggling.

When my ex left his wife due to cheating on her, he let her keep the 90k house and she found out how much she could afford if she were to remortgage and he got 10k. She got everything else and only because it was his fault they split.

lostinrates

What might be wise..ask the solicitor, is freezing your joint account.

Whilst you might not take all the money from it, there is nothing to say he might not. Again, ask the solicitor, it might not be prudent, but its something I would have done.

galvanizersbaby

lostinrates wrote: »

What might be wise..ask the solicitor, is freezing your joint account.

Whilst you might not take all the money from it, there is nothing to say he might not. Again, ask the solicitor, it might not be prudent, but its something I would have done.

Yes, I think this might be something worth asking about - especially in view of the fact that OP's ex took $100 out to buy a special outfit just recently as opposed to putting the money towards his share of the outgoings :mad:

Having a joint account with somebody so irresponsible seems very risky to me

calcinite

Hi Fitz,

I have just been reading your thread and i have got to agree with lostinrates andgalvanizersbaby. Your OH has already proved that he is not that trustworthy and at the moment you really do not need the added stress if he does decided to dip in to your joint account.

fitzilian19

the joint account is for the bills... everything is set up to come out of that, so i cant freeze it etc.

i would like more control... he mentioned making it paperless billing and asking for just online, which i dont have access to.


given my solicitor the fee for the divorce and she is going to write to him to inform him that i wont be making a decision about what to do with the house until the baby is born. she seems to think it wouldnt be unreasonable to seek some sort of maintenance for the next few years so i can afford to work part time and study.

shes calculated he'll be paying about £350 a month in child maintenance - which is £150 more than he was expecting.


just got to wait now for the letter to arrive on his parents doormat and get some sort of reaction. up until now he doesnt seem to believe i would pay someone, or that i could pay for someone more like.

i told her my dad-in-law reckoned i'd be worse off if we go through solicitors and court etc... she said, 'worse off than a room at your mums?? i dont think so!' :-)