Pregnant and Hubby doesnt love me

lostinrates

fitzilian19 wrote: »

the joint account is for the bills... everything is set up to come out of that, so i cant freeze it etc.

but thats why its so important to have more control over it! If he decides to empty it, frankly you are in trouble.

It is possible, in a joint acount to have a situation where you both have to approve withdrawals. I really urge you to take this more seriously. I know he's been good to you in the past, and one would like to think he will not abandon his morals to a greater degree than he has done, but you need to be sure.

You sound so sweet and brave and good, and I'm sure under other circumstances he would be nice for you to have loved him so, but things are not how you thought they were. The 'other woman' is an unknown quantity and her control over him/the situation likewise. The extr paper work/hassle seems worth it to me, and can be justified as being to protect him to.

jha

:T:T:T:T:T:T for your progress with the solicitor fitzilian! :beer:

At least you can concentrate on the baby now and let the solicitor deal with him!

Who is he to say that its not time to buy baby equipment yet:mad:? I would look at how you can start to prepare for the baby's equipment now - I definatley would't be relying on him! I would keep receipts and when he thinks it is time just give him the bill!

I also seccond the comments about a joint bank account - you are seperated now - shouldnt you have seperate bank accounts? Your money in yours and his money in his? you could always put in your half for the bills if you want to and have DD's.

BallandChain

fitzilian19 wrote: »

the joint account is for the bills... everything is set up to come out of that, so i cant freeze it etc.

i would like more control... he mentioned making it paperless billing and asking for just online, which i dont have access to.


given my solicitor the fee for the divorce and she is going to write to him to inform him that i wont be making a decision about what to do with the house until the baby is born. she seems to think it wouldnt be unreasonable to seek some sort of maintenance for the next few years so i can afford to work part time and study.

shes calculated he'll be paying about £350 a month in child maintenance - which is £150 more than he was expecting.


just got to wait now for the letter to arrive on his parents doormat and get some sort of reaction. up until now he doesnt seem to believe i would pay someone, or that i could pay for someone more like.

i told her my dad-in-law reckoned i'd be worse off if we go through solicitors and court etc... she said, 'worse off than a room at your mums?? i dont think so!' :-)

Hi Fitzilian. I've been following this thread and you sound remarkably sensible and level headed. Shame the same cannot be said for your husband. I'm concerned that his parents insist on having these 'chats' with you. They need to butt out and let you deal with it via your solicitor. I think they have their own agenda and they aren't thinking of you.

Also, I highlighted the bit that you mention about paperless billing. How convenient for him to want paperless billing when you don't have access. (Sorry, but if you are here talking to us then you have online access?) Either way I really think you should have control over the money and the bills. If he suggests he will deal with paperless bills then alarm bells should be ringing. You would have no idea if the bills got paid and he is free to withdraw money from your joint account for whatever he chooses.

I feel so angry for you and would urge you to not deal with him or his parents but carry on with legal advice and any contact can be made through letters from your solicitor. You sound so nice and I'd hate to think he and his family rail road you into something you are not happy with.

scottishchick27

Looks like Guccimane was a troll and has now been booted out by MSE towers. :T:T

Good luck OP, I agree with the others that you should get an account of your own to pay the bills out of and get him to transfer money into it every month.

MadMac_2

Fitzilian, I'm so pleased your meeting with your solicitor went well - get prepared for fireworks when he gets that letter!

He will no doubt try and put a guilt trip on you and try to bully you into changing the arrangements on your bank account, but stand firm and consider following the advice to get your own account for him to pay directly in to. You can always direct him to your solicitor if needs be.

Well done for handling yourself so well, you really are a star.

MissMitch

Fitzilian, really feel for you! Your ex is nothing but a toothless bully...I fear that when he says she doesn't want him living with her it's actually just him guilt tripping you and I really don't think he deserves an inch of leeway, regardless of your faith. All the best to you and the baby, you've been amazing! x

whothrewthat_2

I've been following this thread for a while and I have to say I really admire the way you are handling things. Your child will have a mummy they can justly be proud of! :A

told her my dad-in-law reckoned i'd be worse off if we go through solicitors and court etc... she said, 'worse off than a room at your mums?? i dont think so!' :-)

Your solicitor is spot on. I can't believe how manipulative that comment your FIL came out with was! Basically it was a bully boy attempt to say 'just be a good little girl and you'll get what we think you deserve, don't go rocking the boat now'. :mad: After that comment I would be very wary of listening to anything your ILs have to say. You may feel that they are looking out for their son but remember they should be looking out for their grandchild as well - blood IS thicker than water!

£350 a month to clear up the wake of devestation he has left sounds pretty reasonable to me.

jha

hello fitzillian :hello:

Did you manage to get some rest over easter? Happy Easter sunday to you for yesterday.

cozza123

just wanted to say how unbelievably brave I think you are. You are clearly better off without him in the long run and I do believe what goes around comes around in his case I can guareentee he won't be happy for long. However don't take him back my ex and I had a flat together he kept hiding pictures in our bedroom of us in the wardrobe saying he was cleaning only to discover he had been cheating took him back and it happened again. Then that was the end however I didn't have a baby on the way.

From what I can gather you don't have to sell the house as you have a child on the way until it's either 16 or 18 not sure but I think thats the case. I wouldn't let him pressure you into selling leave him to sort his own mess out he decided to do this not you let him sweat.

Dinah93

Glad things are looking a bit more stable for you.

I wouldn't be suprised if she has 'thrown him out' at the suggestion of his solicitor to give him higher outgoings meaning there is less that can be claimed for you and the baby by yours.

Hopes and prayers are with you, D x